All posts tagged God

The Best Thing I’ve Ever Done | By Linda J. Reed | Guest Post

It was late afternoon and the view was magnificent from my window seat high above Salt Lake City on route to my home in Seattle. The sun was setting, the snow covered the mountains, and the lake was a perfect skating rink below. Out of the silence I heard, “I want you to move to Montana and be with Kelly.” God had spoken.

You see, Kelly is my precious daughter. She had spent many a summer on her aunt and uncle’s ranch in Eastern Montana, and she loved it there. It was a safe, peaceful place for her. As Kelly started high school in Seattle, there were many struggles and troubles, both at school and home. She desperately wanted to move to Montana, and her aunt and uncle graciously accepted her into their home.

Choosing the Hard Road

During 11^th grade, Kelly had her tonsils out and I went to nurse her back to health. It was ripping my heart out. I knew I was missing her life. But, I had a job, and a home, and my friends, and bills, and, and … that’s when God spoke. I debated with Him. My main concern was how I would support us. Sidney is a small town. Where in the world would I work? God is God, and, of course, He had the answer. He dropped into my mind “the school.” “Oh”, I thought, “the school—that’s a great idea.” By the time I landed in Seattle I had decided to give notice at my job of six years, rent my home out, and move. I was going to spend my daughter’s senior year with her in Sidney, Montana!

I won’t pretend that everything was easy, it certainly wasn’t. I had not been mom for the last two years and I surely couldn’t tell her what to do and not do now. But I could be available, available to: live with her in our own place, go to every single Varsity Volleyball game to cheer her on, (even the games that were four hours away in blizzard snow storms), I could be there as a proud parent to take pictures at the Senior Prom, go out to dinner with her, do each other’s hair, laugh at goofy movies, ride horses with her, take pictures, and make every holiday special.

The Fruit of Her Labor

One thing my daughter knew; I loved her. She was more important than my job, my friends, my home, my money, or my comfort.

I did work at the schools. I was a sub almost every day. It didn’t pay a lot, but we got by. We had arguments, and I cried a lot. I found myself grinding my teeth, had heart palpitations, and missed my friends tremendously. But, what I got in return was a relationship with my daughter that will last into eternity. We have a love and a bond that, with God’s grace, will weather any storm. She trusts me, and I believe in her. God redeemed what might have been lost forever. I am so grateful for that still small voice that said “go”, and that I went.

Linda & Kelly on one of their recent travels.

I don’t know what obstacle is holding you back from the relationship God wants you to have with someone you love. But, I do know He wants to redeem it, to restore it, and make it flourish.

I live back in Seattle now, my daughter and I visit each other, we are traveling buddies, and talk often. Saying “yes” to Montana was “the best thing I’ve ever done!”

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Linda Reed is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Professional Coach. Her education, 19 years of experience, and her own healing journey give her empathy, compassion, and insight with her clients. Well-known for her energy and professionalism, Linda’s workshops inspire people with tools that give hope to life. Topics include difficult conversations and setting limits with love. For more information about Linda, check out lindajreed.com or contact her at stepbystepwithlindareed@gmail.com.

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Note from Ardis ~ Thank you Linda for sharing your beautiful story of obedience and restoration as you took risks and invested in your daughter. I have been blessed by your walk of faith.

I’m still slowly making progress on my memoir for NaNoWriMo. Don’t miss a surprise guest blogger lined up for Thanksgiving Day!

Preparing for Mother’s Day

Except for sending flowers and a card to my mother for Mother’s Day in years past, my Mother’s Day focus has mostly been on spending time with my immediate family—my spouse and two sons. That was until two years ago. That was the last time I saw my mother alive—Mother’s Day 2010. Since that time Mother’s Day has much more significance to me.

My mother had a nervous breakdown when I was six years old radically changing the trajectory of my life. From that point on the messages I received were to avoid being like my mother. For the most part I learned to stuff my emotions for fear that I would be labeled “crazy” like her. Her mental illness led to her absence in my life in many ways. Growing up she was mostly absent emotionally and then when I entered adulthood, I chose to disconnect from her physically as well.

But two years ago, God laid it on my heart to visit my mother one last time. I had visited her twice in the previous six months to care for her after a debilitating stroke left her paralyzed on the right side of her body and unable to speak. This visit was even more painful than the other visits and I feared this was going to be the last time I would see her alive.

It is hard for me to believe that visit was two years ago. My life is radically different now, including the way I prepare for and celebrate Mother’s Day. That is because in the process of losing my mother, I was blessed with the gift of emotional and spiritual healing. As a result, I have gotten in touch with parts of my identity that I had denied and suppressed for years. I tend to think that the way I am now is similar in many ways to how my mother would’ve been had she not suffered that nervous breakdown all those years ago. I am grateful for recognizing that I AM wired like her. It is part of the legacy that she left me and makes me very grateful for her on Mother’s Day.

Another major way that my Mother’s Day celebrations have changed is that I share this special day with Rosa in Spain. Rosa is the mother of Pedro, the exchange student we had in our home the last two summers. Rosa and I lost our mothers within three weeks’ time in a way that has connected us like sisters. Mother’s Day in Spain is one week earlier than in the United States which means I have to plan way in advance. This year I even enlisted Pedro’s help to buy flowers for Rosa from me. It is very touching to now have this mother to mother connection—especially since we have never physically met.

One last thought about preparing for Mother’s Day. Last night during the women’s open share time in our recovery meeting, I asked the attendees to each share something that they are grateful for with their mother’s or with their own mothering. In the past, I think it would’ve been hard for me to answer that question. It’s not that I resented my mother or blamed her for the lack of nurturing and guidance. Those things were out of her control and were not intentional. But sometimes it’s hard to be grateful in the midst of pain and sorrow.

Answering this simple question last night gave each of us an opportunity to practice gratitude—a necessary recovery tool that helps to take us out of our victim mentality and look for the positive in life situations. It was a blessing to hear each woman share a nugget that made them grateful in this way.

I personally have a tremendous amount to be grateful for in my own recovery journey. It has positively changed my own mothering skills, it helped to push me out of my comfort zone to care for my mother at the end of her life and now it has helped me to reach across the world to celebrate Mother’s Day with my sister Rosa.

What are you grateful for this Mother’s Day?

On Reverence

There is no doubt that the events of the last year in my life have drawn me closer to God. I know this may sound strange, but when I returned from my mother’s funeral, I was on such a spiritual high. God had shown up for me each day I was there, giving me much needed closure, giving me strength to get through each day, giving me the words to write my mother’s eulogy and to speak it and giving me insights into my identity that I denied for years.

As I began to accept these revelations about myself, I continued to explore my faith and seek God’s wisdom on how to walk this new path of spiritual growth that He was lying out for me. Surprisingly for me, this path put me back in the Catholic Church. At first, I was very confused by all of this. I grew up Catholic and turned away from the church as a teen when I gave my life to Christ and joined a Protestant Church. But for some reason, God was wooing me back and His vehicle was the Catholic Church.

This period of wooing and exploration coincided with the season of Lent. So last year, for the first time in my life, I made several decisions that allowed me to really listen to God and approach Easter with a fully repentant and willing heart. My main Lenten decision was to attend mass and prayer time every Wednesday in the Catholic Church. Each week as I left the church, I noticed God giving me some word or insight to cling too. I also left with incredible peace—a quieting of my mind to the worries of life.

As I observed Lent from a sacrificial and willing perspective, I also came to enjoy a deeper relationship with Christ and a reverence for the Lord. Growing up in the Catholic Church, the liturgy and tradition seemed stale and impersonal to me. But as I attended these services with new eyes, I was able to appreciate the reverence that is demonstrated by the priest and the parishners.

Last year’s season of Lent was so amazing for me as it gave me time to really focus on Jesus without distraction. I still go to the Catholic Church most weeks and definitely miss it when I don’t. I have met some very devout followers of Christ in the Catholic Church. It has changed my way of thinking about the Body of Christ. It has affirmed and strengthened my relation to my Spanish family as well.

Last week, when I attended the Ash Wednesday service at the local parish, I reflected on this next season of Lent and the reverence that I now have for the Lord. Last year, I was hesitant to have those ashes put on my forehead and a bit embarrassed to be seen. This year, I attended a ministry meeting at my church and didn’t even flinch when asked about it.

I know God has wired me differently than other people. (We all are.) I’m letting God point me in the direction that I should go. Do I question it at times? Yes, but thankfully not as much as I used too.

For this season of Lent, I challenge you to find reverence for the Lord in whatever way God has wired you to connect with Him. May He create in you a clean heart as you live out these next 40 days and beyond.

3 Comments

by ardisanelson on February 27, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Identity, Spiritual Growth

Tagged Catholic, Christianity, Easter, fasting, God, Lent, obedience, spiritual journey, trusting God

Posted by ardisanelson on February 27, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/02/27/on-reverence/

Waiting on Pins and Needles

The days were slowly passing by since I sent my manuscript off to the publisher on December 1. At first I put the entire idea of being published out of my mind. I had gone away for a weekend to write the manuscript and put so much of my normal family and life commitments on hold as I worked toward the manuscript deadline. So naturally after I sent the manuscript into the publisher, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I met my goal. I wrote the story. I celebrated. Then I filed it in the back of my brain and jumped into the thick of the holiday season.

Then one week passed by, 2 weeks, 3 weeks. As Christmas approached I hoped that maybe there would be a Christmas gift in my email. On December 22, I did receive an email from the publisher. The subject line read: Christmas Gift from Cladach. My heart skipped a beat. I opened the email with much anticipation only to be immediately let down by the reality that this was a marketing email to announce a free e-book that the publisher was offering. It was a nice Christmas promotional idea, but my hopes were dashed.

And there it was again—right in the front of my mind. This email seemed to trigger all of my doubts about going down this path and if I really could be a writer. I had put myself out there. I had written what was on my heart to write—the story that I felt God calling me to write—and it came back void. I felt exposed. I was already in a writer’s funk and not writing on my blog. There was nothing I could physically do about it, so I worked on letting go of my fears and doubts emotionally again.

The New Year brought renewed hope for me. I attended my monthly Christian Writer’s meeting and started to think about setting some writing goals for 2012. I decided to hold on to the belief that this piece would be published this year—if not by this publisher then by another. So many people had witnessed this story unfold and told me how amazing it was. So many people had been inspired by it. So many people said they couldn’t wait to read about it. God was definitely telling me to pursue it. I trusted Him with this story and again put it in the back of my mind.

As a beginning writer, I was learning how difficult the waiting part of this process was. I definitely wasn’t looking forward to the potential rejection that commonly follows. I knew that the two month milestone would be pivotal to me. It is at that point, that a writer usually contacts the publisher if they haven’t heard.

A few days before the two month anniversary, I watched the movie “The Help” again. The first time I saw it, I was just starting to see myself as a writer, so Skeeter’s journey to become a writer really resonated with me. This time around I watched the bonus feature about the making of the movie. The bonus video clip told the story about how the book debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list and the impact it had on Kathryn Stockett, the author’s, life. She was with friends when she got the news and immediately they marked this moment in time (with a toast) as an event that would forever change her life. I got goose bumps when I saw this video clip. I sensed that I was moving toward this event in my life too. I felt encouraged and wrote about this in my journal. I felt poised for success. I was on pins and needles.

The following day, the much anticipated contact from the publisher arrived. The subject of the email was the reply (RE) to the original email I sent with my manuscript. I knew as soon as I saw it that it was the long awaited answer. I let out a scream and held back on opening the email. I received it as I was on my way to an appointment. I delayed opening the email until later in the day when I wasn’t so rushed. After I returned from my appointment, I prepared myself by spending some time in prayer and surrendering the outcome to God.

The email reply was short—just one line. I immediately thought it was a rejection. I had a friend on speaker phone with me to share this moment. I read the line silently and then began screaming—and crying.

“What, what, what?” my friend asked. “What does it say”?

“They’ve accepted my story!” I shouted through tears of joy. “They are sending a contract!” My sheer joy elicited excitement from her as well. The house was filled with a mixture of shouts, laughter, and tears. My son rushed downstairs to find out what all of the commotion was about. He thought that something terrible had happened. I told him the good news and held him in a big hug for a long time letting all of the emotion release from my body.

This excitement was followed by emails to the publisher, my husband, my prayer partners, my writing teacher, and of course, Rosa and Pedro in Spain. Later that evening, I attended my regular support group meeting and let the tears flow some more. The timing was so perfect with the anniversary of my mother’s passing just one week away. This day was also the 8-year anniversary of the devastating event that led me to start recovery in the first place. God had perfectly redeemed this day for me into something with such a positive nature.

The icing on the cake that night was celebrating and toasting this occasion with my friend at her house. It was like déjà vu. Just like Kathryn Stockett, the author of “The Help,” my life was taking a potentially dramatic change. We were marking this date as a milestone in my life and thanking God for His blessing.

Toasting the acceptance of my manuscript with a friend, January 2012.

I know my writing isn’t Pulitzer quality and that I am only one of eight authors in this book. I also know that this was only possible because it is God’s will. My waiting for this news wasn’t just something that was two months in the making. This is part of the bigger story about how God redeems years of heartache, depression and loneliness. It is the restoration for the years that the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25).

The really cool thing about this is that this story is not done yet. God is at work in my life. He is at work in Spain. He is at work in the Protestant Church and the Catholic Church. God is at work all around us. He is for our good if we surrender to His will. That is the message of this story.

I’m no longer on pins and needles about the publishing of my manuscript. However I am still on pins and needles on what lies ahead. It is a quiet tension inside of me that I need to get used to as I live a life where I often struggle to put God first. When I do, He is graciously waiting for me.

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on February 20, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey

Posted by ardisanelson on February 20, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/02/20/waiting-on-pins-and-needles/

A Gift of Hope

When I think about the best Christmas gift I received as a kid, I immediately go back to the year I received my blue Schwinn ‘banana’ bike when I was nine years old. I realize now that it must’ve been the last Christmas my family had together before my parent’s divorced.

On that Christmas morning after the presents under the tree were all unwrapped, our parents directed us downstairs for a surprise. As I entered the den, all I could see was the new ping pong table that was in the center of the room. I didn’t even notice the new banana bike standing up on its kick-stand in the corner. My parents had to point me in the direction of the bike. Our Christmases were never extravagant, but I think this one was meant to be memorable for us as I suspect that the divorce may have been in the works.

Vintage Schwinn banana seat bike

That bike was my constant companion for several years. It was the only real bike I ever had. I never got a ten speed or some such fancy bike when I entered puberty. My mother didn’t have money for things like that. I had to be content with that two-speed bike with the normal pedal brakes—no handlebar brakes for me. It wasn’t until I bought myself a bike at a garage sale a few years ago as an adult that I actually had a bike with more than two gears.

In today’s age of electronic games and gizmos, it is really hard to find a gift that has the ability to bring such vivid memories. Today’s electronic devices become outdated within months sending us into our quest for the newest version or some type of upgrade. That is why cell phone companies are so geared to their consumers signing up for long term contracts. They want to sway us from leaving and hopefully create some brand loyalty.

Well, Christmas is over and my kids did score some of those electronic gadgets this year—a new Windows phone, ipod Touch, Nook and video games. I, on the other hand, didn’t get any electronic gadgets. I got some gifts that told me that my family was listening to my heart over the last year. They knew exactly what I wanted—an airline ticket to Spain. While I didn’t get that, one of my sons pointed out to me that I got a virtual trip to Spain. I received a travel guide for Spain, a book to learn Spanish and a large suitcase for the trip. It’s just a matter of time before that trip becomes a reality. Until then I have my work cut out for me, learning Spanish and writing the story that has made Spain such an important part of my life this year.

While I’m hoping that my family’s Christmas gifts give them joy and happy memories beyond the next year, I know that my gifts will because they are an investment in a gift that is future dated. Their gifts give me hope for that trip. It helps me to focus on that goal and builds up the excitement and anticipation for what is yet to come. Maybe that is what my parents wanted too—with that bike—to give me some hope or at least some temporary joy in the midst of the life-shattering reality that was to come.

Receiving these gifts of hope from my family, reminds me of what God gave us when He sent His Son. It wasn’t a gift wrapped up under a Christmas tree. It was wrapped in swaddling clothes in a manger. When I focus on that gift and not my present circumstances, I’m able to get through the rough times. It is a gift of hope. I’ll take that kind of gift any day.

What’s in a Name?

I am welcoming myself to the world of blogging. It is something I have wanted to do for a few years, but just never got around to it.

So why now?

Well, that can be best answered by saying that I have recently decided to take my writing more seriously. I am in the process of exploring the right avenue for it, so this seemed like a logical next step. And thanks to a friend of mine who also has an interest in writing and who shared her blog with me, I decided to take the plunge.

So what’s in a name?

Having the right name can make all the difference in the world–in some circles, anyway. It can lead to your being accepted or rejected by the ‘in’ crowd. Whatever kind of first impression you leave on people you meet can also label you with a name–either good or bad. I have been on the receiving end of some harsh name-calling as a child that definitely left me hating my name. Unfortunately those verbal wounds took a long time to heal.

Now I love my name. It is a beautiful part of my identity. I know there is no one like me. I know that God uniquely and divinely created me–He knit me together in my mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13)

So when it came to naming my blog, I wanted a name that would serve as a unique marker for this season of my journey. Lots of names came to mind. But it seems that I’m not the only person coming up with clever names for their blog: Thinking Out Loud, Illuminate, Light the Way, A Changed Life, A Life Transformed and other similar iterations were all taken.

When I think of the events of the last year, one of the many thoughts I have is how God has been ‘making me bold’. He has been my guiding light through thick and thin. He has nudged me each step of the way–out of my comfort zone and stretching me to do some very bold things.

In light of all that He has done for me and in me, I can’t help but acknowledge that in the name of my blog. For without His Presence in my life, none of these things would be possible. (Phil. 4:13)

I am forever grateful that He is Making Me Bold.

1 Comment

by ardisanelson on September 12, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Identity, My Writing Journey

Tagged faithful, following your dreams, God, identity, MakingMeBold, transformation, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on September 12, 2011

https://ardisanelson.com/2011/09/12/whats-in-a-name/

WELCOME to my site!

I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

I am thankful to God for Making Me Bold in the process. Now I use my writing and speaking voice to help others on their journey to turn healing into hope.
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Choosing the Hard Road

The Fruit of Her Labor

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Update 8/24/2012: My story, “Walking My Mother Home”, was released in “Journeys to Mother Love” by Cladach Publishing. Autographed copies are available on my site.

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