All posts in category Spiritual Growth

Stop, Look & Listen to God

On New Year’s Day 2014, I attended mass at a local Catholic Church. I suppose it may seem like a strange thing for a Protestant to do, but it has become commonplace for me on special occasions. It was the perfect time for God to show up and remind me of what brought me here in the first place, and to give me direction for the New Year.

The Fruit of Spiritual Growth

It was three years ago this month that He put the wheels in motion for my first step into this church. Within weeks God brought about the amazing revelations and healing that led to my writing “Walking My Mother Home” published in Journeys to Mother Love. So I sat in church reflecting, and taking in the significance of how God has aligned so many events and brought so many people in my life these past several years that led to my unique walk of faith.

One place of my reflection and prayer in Spain on the island of Mallorca, July 2013.

There are too many to thank here, but they know who they are: pastors, support group leaders, and men and women of faith, here and abroad. They encouraged me to follow where God was leading me, to reclaim my identity, and to live missionally. They planted seeds of righteousness in me. They fertilized my dreams of bringing Glory to God through my writing and my voice.

After 13 years of actively seeking spiritual growth and ten years of recovery, they have supported me in my journey to turn my weakness into victory, and my brokenness into a personal ministry of compassion for the poor in spirit.

A Word from the Lord

“What’s next, Lord?” I asked during a moment of silent prayer in church. The word He immediately gave me was ‘STOP’. It wasn’t to stop serving or reaching out to others. It was more like ‘stop, look, and listen’.

In all of my excitement about going to Spain last year, it wasn’t unusual for me to get ahead of God or to start acting on something that really wasn’t the right time. Case in point, I thought I was supposed to speak in Spain and eagerly jumped into setting up talks and honing my speaking skills.

“Not now,” He lovingly told me. “But, but, but…” I knew I had to let go and trust Him.

The other word that God gave me for 2014 was ‘reflect’. That doesn’t sound like a hard thing for a contemplative to do. I spend hours in prayer every week; so what’s the difference this year? God reminded me recently of a scripture that He gave me when all of these amazing things started to happen. It was Luke 2:19, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

I have gotten away from that posture in the past two years. I was so excited about traveling to Spain, being a first time author, and Pedro’s music success, that I haven’t slowed down much to just take it all in. It is a normal part of my life now, but there are times that I forget to do as Mary did. Don’t act on it, just treasure it.

Treasures of the Heart

God made some pretty big deposits in my heart these last few years. He has given me new dreams for the coming year and beyond. This year I want to be more deliberate in noticing when to stop, look, and listen for His guidance. I want to abide more and react less. Maybe that even means not being so bold on my blog, sharing so much, or so often.

Whatever it takes, I want to be in alignment with God’s will for my life and to wait for His perfect timing. Hopefully by the end of 2014, I can attest to His building the fruit of patience in me like never before. And I’ll have more things to treasure in my heart for the coming year.

What is your focus for 2014?

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by ardisanelson on January 15, 2014 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, Spiritual Growth

Tagged Catholic, Christianity, encouragement, following your dreams, gifts, God, hope, identity, letting go, obedience, prayer, Protestant, spiritual journey

Posted by ardisanelson on January 15, 2014

https://ardisanelson.com/2014/01/15/stop-look-listen-to-god/

Practicing an Attitude of Gratitude

Is the glass half empty or half full? That rhetorical question is commonly asked to determine if you are an optimist or a pessimist. If you responded that the glass is half empty, some would say you are a pessimist. If you answered that the glass is half full, common opinion would indicate that you are an optimist.

Half empty or half full?

In either case, I bring this question up in light of the Thanksgiving holiday when Americans proclaim what they are thankful for—generally around a family feast.

You don’t need to reserve your gratitude for an annual date on the calendar. For those of us who live our lives around the 12-Steps and Recovery Principles, gratitude is a way of life. However, it is not something we generally felt when we entered recovery.

Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

Most people start recovery far from being grateful for the situation they find themselves in. They may walk through the door of their first meeting because they are desperate for answers to the circumstances they are experiencing in their lives. Or maybe they are at a bottom, like I was. Whatever the reason, gratefulness probably isn’t on the list of character traits that friends would say they have–or at least not near the top.

I was a pessimist for most of my adult life—until I entered into the recovery process. Now at times it is hard to keep me quiet about my gratitude for recovery (specifically Celebrate Recovery), and what the Lord has done in me and through me.

You don’t have to be in a recovery program to develop an attitude of gratitude. The change doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process that builds inside of us, as we consciously choose to change our thinking. (The lesson on gratitude is taught as part of Step 11—We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.)

Start small. Take baby steps. God will slowly give you glimpses into people, events, and things He has placed in your life that you can be grateful for.

The Benefits of Gratitude

Here are just some of the benefits of developing an attitude of gratitude (based on an acrostic for the word gratitude):

G-ets us out of our heads

R-eminds us of His gifts to us

A-djusts our attitude in a positive direction

T-ransforming power

I-ntegrates God’s love in our hearts

T-hankful despite our circumstances

U-tilizes our gifts for His Kingdom

D-raws others to us

E-ternal perspective

So it doesn’t matter if you identify yourself as a pessimist or an optimist, you can become a genuinely grateful person when you start to practice an attitude of gratitude.

Practicing What I Preach

In light of that, I’d like to say that I am thankful for the followers and readers of my blog, and for each purchase of my book. I am grateful to be able to share my writing and trust that God is using it to inspire others.

I am grateful for this season of my life—the highs and the lows. I am grateful for my family and my circle of friends who encourage and support me. They lift me up at times when I can’t. I am very grateful for my Spanish family and their generous hospitality to me. I am forever grateful to my heavenly Father, who got my attention eleven years ago, brought me to my knees, redeemed my pain, and blessed me in ways I never dreamed possible.

I hope and pray this Thanksgiving will be the first day of an ongoing commitment to develop an attitude of gratitude in your life. You can start now by posting what you are grateful for in the comments below. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on November 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Spiritual Growth

Tagged 12 step, Celebrate Recovery, Christianity, feeling defeated, God, gratitude, healing, recovery, Thanksgiving

Posted by ardisanelson on November 27, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/11/27/practicing-an-attitude-of-gratitude/

How This Journey Started

I’ve been asked many times how my story, “Walking My Mother Home”, came to be published in Journeys to Mother Love. I’ve written about that under the category “My Writing Journey”. In this post from journeystomotherlove.com, the blog for the book, my publisher tells the story of how the book was birthed. Thank you Catherine Lawton and Cladach Publishing for following that gentle nudge from the Lord. I’ve been blessed over and over again to be part of such an inspiring book.

Journeys To Mother Love

Hard to believe, but more than a year has passed since the book Journeys to Mother Love was published and the authors started sharing this blog as well. How did these nine women, who live in all corners of this great country, come together in this way? Well, here’s the story.

As publisher and editor of Cladach Publishing, a small Christian press, I was invited to the Colorado Christian Writers Conference in Estes Park, Colorado, to give 15-minute interviews to authors. At the May, 2011 conference I spoke with three or four women in one day who had heart-wrenching personal stories that they hoped to have published as books. The authors were so passionate and full of the fresh touch of the Lord, and their stories so real and relevant for many women, that I couldn’t get away from thinking about them. By the third or fourth interview the thought…

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The Road to Spain, Update 7 ~ Spiritual Readiness

After turning my back on my Catholic faith as a youth, I had only stepped inside a Catholic church once or twice in my life, like for a funeral. The church didn’t seem relevant to me. It seemed rote—reciting pre-scripted prayers and responses.

However, when I took Pedro, a Spanish exchange student who lived with us, to an afternoon mass in Seattle three years ago, I witnessed something I had never seen before in a Catholic Church (or was too young to notice). I witnessed people raising their hands in worship during hymns or at times of the rote responses. I saw genuine worship, expressed like I had only seen done in Protestant churches. It left a favorable impression of the Catholic Church on me and started to erase my leftover bias.

Six months later when Pedro’s grandmother died, I had a mass said for her (a common Catholic practice). I also had a mass said for my terminally ill mother. (If you don’t know what that is, think of it as a prayer service dedicated to someone you love). It was at that mass that God opened my eyes and ears to really being in tune with His voice.

Reawakening my Faith

According to Gary Thomas, author of “Spiritual Pathways”, we are uniquely wired in the ways in which we connect with God. His book describes ten ways: Naturalists, Sensates, Traditionalists, Ascetics, Activists, Caregivers, Enthuisasts, Contemplatives and Intellectuals.

After my experiences at this Catholic mass over 2 ½ years ago, I realized I was a contemplative. The defining characteristic of a contemplative is that they connect with God through adoration. So I started to attend mass and a weekly prayer service where I could devote quality time with God.

It was in these times of adoration that He was spiritually preparing me for my trip to Spain. He has given me a glimpse into the Catholic Church, that at first glance may seem like a strange thing—a Protestant attending mass. But I believe it is through these experiences, that He has uniquely prepared me to cross denominational barriers and connect with the people of Spain.

Exploring my first church in Spain, San Jeronimo el Real, Madrid

First Spanish Mass

Ever since these discoveries about myself, I have been looking forward to seeing the historic cathedrals of Spain and attending mass in a different setting and language. I desired to worship God alongside native speakers and feel God’s presence in this place and time. All of the pieces have been aligning for this part of my journey. I left Seattle spiritually ready and open to experiencing God in a new way.

I had a glimpse into that on my third day in Spain when I attended my first Spanish Catholic mass. It didn’t end up being in some grand historic cathedral like I envisioned. It was in an old neighborhood Catholic Church with Rosa by my side. I was pretty lost in the service, not understanding the words, but could generally follow along with the order of the mass. None of this prevented me from silently praying for the people of Spain or preparing my heart for this part of my journey. When the tears came, as I knew they would, Rosa was there with a comforting hand.

Interior of San Jeronimo el Real Church

What’s Next?

This part of my journey is just beginning. I know I will visit other cathedrals in Spain—and hopefully another mass, as well as a Protestant church service. My days are long and filled with lots of activities. It has been hard to develop a routine and spiritual discipline here, but I would be missing out on why I believe God has called me for such a time as this if I didn’t respond to His invitation.

So I am ready physically, mentally and spiritually for this trip of a lifetime. I have been consciously and subconsciously preparing for it in stages for the last three years. I know God walks before me into this next phase of my journey. I am grateful for His pointing me in this direction and for the support and prayers of my friends and family.

~ This completes my “Road to Spain” blog series. My Spanish travel series starts with España Update 1 ~ The Longest Day. Adios and vaya con Dios! (So long and go with God.)

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on June 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Healing & Recovery, My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain, Spiritual Growth

Tagged Catholic, Christianity, faithful, God, hope, identity, My Spanish Connection, obedience, pilgrimage, prayer, prayer walk, Rosa, spiritual journey, transformation

Posted by ardisanelson on June 27, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/06/27/the-road-to-spain-update-7-spiritual-readiness/

Going Down Memory Lane

As we sat at a Seattle waterfront restaurant watching the rain, clouds and sun fight for control of the views out the window, I marveled at the thought of the 19 years that had passed between my friend and me. We didn’t look 19 years older, but the age of our children was reality enough to ensure we were not dreaming.

A blustery day on the Seattle waterfront

Two Peas in a Pod

Mildred and I met when I re-entered the workforce one year after the birth of my first child. We have a very strange history together.

Our work history intersects at three different employers. I was her supervisor at two of those employers. At one point in time, I held a former position of hers and then later she held a former position of mine. That speaks volumes in itself. It is a testament to her character and her work ethic.

Nineteen years later, she has a nice retirement nest egg from her employer waiting for her; and I am just now finding my career niche—my writing. Unlike most writers I know, I don’t have a day job to fall back on. Some might say it is a luxurious lifestyle. For me, it is part of my self-care program.

Mildred was eager to hear all about my upcoming trip to Spain. As if to confirm why she was such a good employee—and how very like-minded we are—she immediately suggested having my story translated into Spanish. I agreed and told her that I negotiated the foreign rights to my story with my publisher and that Pedro had already translated the manuscript.

Does time really heal all wounds?

Wounds of the Past

We caught up on talk about our kids and our parents—being in the sandwich generation. We naturally ended up talking about work. Many of my former colleagues and employees had retired or moved on to other organizations. A few remained.

As we talked about work, the memories and people’s names started to drift back to my short-term memory—people she had even long since forgotten about. Some of my memories were of painful events, like my demotion. Except for one brief moment, I experienced no emotional pain in discussing it though.

They say that time heals all wounds. I’m not sure who that ‘they’ is, but that is not something you’d ever hear in recovery circles. If you don’t look at the painful wounds of the past, you bury them alive. They will leak out in unhealthy ways when you least expect them—like in outbursts of anger, or can lead to physical symptoms like ulcers, etc.

In my case, I worked through my character defects that brought me to my knees at the hands of my boss. I’m grateful for it, as it pointed me down the road to recovery, and eventually to Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program.

Moving Forward

Going down memory lane is a healthy practice—not for self-condemnation or holding on to resentments—but for healing. The one painful memory that surfaced helped me to realize that I still have one last thing to clear up—an amends of sorts.

Even as Mildred and I reconnected we touched on the same thread between us—making sure we understood each other and to not take advantage of our friendship. Her words served to encourage me, and likewise mine for her.

Another luncheon is over. Another friendship is rekindled. Another day is done. All because of the connection my story is making in people’s hearts.

Maybe I do lead a life of luxury. It’s not the kind of physical luxury or success that pays the bills. It is the luxury of friendship. That’s the best kind of riches to have.

Do you embrace opportunities to go down memory lane or avoid it like the plague? I hope you’ll embrace it and free yourself from the pain of the past.

It’s Not too Late to Forgive

I never considered mercy one of my spiritual gifts. In fact, I’ve never felt called to feed the poor, go on mission to a foreign country or minister to the health care needs of the elderly or terminally ill. Which is why I believe the trips I made back home to care for my mother at the end of her life were so transformational for me. God was giving me a heart of compassion and helping me to put aside my needs.

Then last year, during Holy Week, I traveled 150 miles south over spring break to care for my aged father. God was opening the doors for more healing and preparing my father to go in peace. I think forgiveness, and a letter I wrote to him before he passed, were key to that (excerpts in the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog post above).

My father would’ve been 95 this week. I’m very grateful I had that caregiving time with him.

Rest in Peace, Dad. And in case you’re wondering, I’m doing just fine.

Journeys To Mother Love

Like a scab ripped from the skin, my wound was exposed again. Why would I deliberately enter into that wound again? How could I think that it was really healed? A recent post, “I Forgive You,” by Catherine Lawton was the catalyst that prompted me to take another look. That, and the fact that I spent Holy Week last year caring for my 93-year-old father, sent my mind back to the months preceding his death.

Catherine’s post reminded me of how the words and actions of forgiveness were not something that was modeled to me when I was growing up. Tears weren’t allowed either. We were taught to ‘buck it up’ and move on. Reading that post took me back to the letter I had written my father a year before he died. My grief at that time was still fresh from my mother’s passing, and my healing…

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by ardisanelson on April 22, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth

Tagged forgiveness, grieving our losses, healing, hope, leaving a legacy, letter writing, letting go, obedience, reconciliation, relationships, saying goodbye

Posted by ardisanelson on April 22, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/04/22/its-not-too-late-to-forgive/

The Road to Spain, Update 1 ~ Project Scope

Welcome to my inaugural update on my road to Spain. The days are quickly passing by as the date of my arrival in Spain (June 24th) approaches, yet I haven’t made any fanfare on my blog or posted any updates since I bought my tickets in January.

Ninety Days

A few weeks ago when I hit the 90-day mark (during Holy Week), I felt like a huge burden had been placed on my shoulders and there would be no way I’d be ready in time. As strange as it may seem, I had the sense that the 90 days remaining for me would be like Jesus road to Jerusalem. Seriously!

I started to think about how so much psychology and health research touts the benefits of a 90-day program for things like diet or exercise changes, lifestyle changes, changing your thinking patterns, recovery and addiction rehabilitation, etc. This led me to think about all the things I hadn’t done to prepare for my trip yet—the big things, preparing to speak while there, learning Spanish, researching Spain (culture, sights, food, etc.), losing weight and exercising. It was way too much for me to think about.

So I frantically started to work simultaneously on these things. There just didn’t seem to be much progress and the stress continued to mount. Finally this week while in a time of dedicated prayer, I got a clear revelation from God. It led to a huge shift in my attitude and felt like the weight of the world was taken off my shoulders.

Scope Creep

The easiest way I can explain it is to put it in terms like I would as a project manager. It’s called ‘scope creep’. That is when the scope of a project starts to go beyond its original intention. (I guess God wanted to put it in terms I would understand.) He brought me back to the original purpose or scope of my trip—to invest in people. I am going to meet Rosa, to build relationship with my Spanish family and to write about it.

This isn’t a surprise to me, but what I realized in the process was that my speaking in Spain was sidetracking me from the goal. Sure it would be amazing to share my story with others in Spain. Sure it would be amazing to sell books, grow my platform or promote Pedro’s music while there. (All the ‘shoulds’ a writer repeatedly hears about how to be successful.) But that is not the purpose of this trip. Those are incidental benefits. As disappointing as it is, I am letting go of my desire to speak while in Spain. Instead I am open to what God has in store for me there.

I don’t want any regrets about this trip of a lifetime. I wouldn’t be going to Spain if it wasn’t for the miraculous events that happened between Rosa and me the year our mothers died. I know God is using this story to touch others who have lost their parents or are seeking a second chance to restore relationship with a parent. I trust that He will use this story in Spain as well—how and when the time is right—even if it’s just one person at a time.

The 10-Week Countdown Begins

Refocused

I know this story inside and out because I lived it. It transformed me. I am ready to go—even now. My attention is turned back to getting my mind and body ready to take it all in—like any other normal tourist would do—including learning Spanish. It is still a lot to do, but I feel refocused and realigned with my purpose.

And, yes, there is a crucifixion going on here. It is the part of me that wants to do it all and have it under control. But I promise, there won’t be any physical blood loss—just occasional moans or groans as I swallow my pride once again and learn to trust Him more fully.

So sit back, and enjoy the view as I travel on the road to Spain over the next ten weeks!

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on April 15, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth

Tagged Christianity, family, friendship, God, Holy Week, love, My Spanish Connection, public speaking, relationships, Rosa, Spain, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on April 15, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/04/15/the-road-to-spain-update-1-project-scope/

Acts of Service, Part 1 ~ Wash My Feet

Although Holy Week and Easter Sunday celebrations are over, my mind is still on the events of last week and one particular act Jesus did for His disciples—and ultimately for us. It was his humbling act of washing his disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17).

Being Served

On Thursday evening, at a church service I attended in celebration of the Lord’s Supper, attendees were invited to participate in a foot washing ceremony. People were slow to come forward and not everyone participated. I guess, it’s not for everyone, but to those who participated, I’m sure it left them with a sense of humility and reverence.

I first participated in a foot washing ceremony at a women’s retreat several years ago. It was at a time in my life when my faith was being renewed and stretched in ways I’d never experienced before. I didn’t jump at the chance then, but prayerfully waited and emptied my inner self before submitting to this act of humility. It was very freeing and left a memorable mark on me—one that I recreated as a final act of service for my mother after she passed away.

Serving My Mother

Washing my mother’s feet wasn’t something I planned to do in advance of her passing. But on the plane ride back home to take care of her funeral arrangements and memorial, I felt the Lord put this desire on my heart. I had never even heard of doing it for a deceased person and thought that might sound strange. However, I knew that bodies were anointed with oils in biblical times—like was done for Jesus—and it just seemed to be the right thing to do.

My family and I were only allowed one viewing of my mother’s body before they cremated her remains. I knew the funeral home would have to agree to my request. I was nervous about asking and prayed about it in advance. They agreed, even setting up the facilities and giving us the privacy to wash my mother’s feet. The tears flowed as I dabbed water on my mother’s feet and told her my final thoughts and prayers on her behalf.

Washing my mother’s feet was just one of the many powerful and beautiful ways that the Lord allowed me to serve and honor my mother in her parting. If you are not a Christian or have never experienced something as humbling or selfless as this kind of act, I imagine it may sound somewhat strange or even ridiculous in nature. I would’ve thought the same in years past myself.

Serving Others

The point is not to go around physically washing others’ feet. Jesus used this symbol of humility and obedience to model to his disciples, and to us, to serve others.

Since my mother’s passing, my perspective on how I serve others has taken a dramatic shift—a Holy Shift, if you will. It isn’t generally in structured ministry opportunities at my church. It isn’t even in a non-profit setting. Besides my writing, I’ve chosen to serve others through opportunities to connect over coffee, email, Skype and now in the speaking realm. It may not look like ‘serving,’ but it is meeting the needs of others as we share Jesus’ message of hope and healing. And, as followers of Christ, that is His call to wash each other’s feet.

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by ardisanelson on April 3, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, Spiritual Growth

Tagged Christianity, Easter, faithful, God, healing, Holy Week, hope, identity, obedience, prayer, sacrifice, saying goodbye, serving others, spiritual journey

Posted by ardisanelson on April 3, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/04/03/acts-of-service-part-1-wash-my-feet/

How Does Your Story Live?

When I first met Henriet Schapelhouman, author of “The Story Lives: Leading a Missional Revolution” over a dozen years ago, she was the pastor of Adult Ministries at a local church and a fledgling writer. She invited me to join a small group Bible study she led. I’d never been in a Bible study, but was at a time in my life when I was unsettled with my faith and seeking Him.

Henriet anoints Ardis’ book and future speaking, September 2012.

Over a decade later, I can still remember when Henriet shared with the group about the publication of her first article in a Christian magazine. I was so proud of her accomplishment and remember thinking how wonderful that would be. I never imagined I’d end up writing myself or ever being published.

Henriet has played a pivotal part in my spiritual growth and ministry since then. She commissioned me to lead my first recovery and spiritual growth groups at that same church. She took me to my first Christian writers meeting. Then at my book launch last fall she anointed my book and commissioned my speaking.

Most recently Henriet and I partnered at our first ministry conference booth to promote our books and speaking engagements. When things were slow at the booth, I was blessed by opportunities to connect on a relational level. In those times, we were living missionally.

Living Missionally

Living missionally? What does that mean? Disregard those thoughts about selling your belongings, moving overseas and preaching the gospel. That is not what “The Story Lives” is about.

Henriet and Ardis living missionally at the NW Ministry Conference, March 2013.

We are living missionally when we are living out the Story of Jesus in our lives. We are living missionally when we serve Him in the ways we are wired—not just our spiritual gifts, but our personality types and our strengths. (Henriet is a certified coach and trainer for Myers-Briggs and StrengthsFinders. Check out Semper Vita Institute for more information.) By knowing our own unique wiring, we can determine how best to live a life that abundantly gives back and to serve in our sweet spot (or productively work in secular employment as well).

One of the key principles in “The Story Lives” that has helped me is to not be limited in my thinking of how I can serve God. It’s not about serving him in the box of a church setting. It’s about where God wants me to share my story and how can I influence His Kingdom.

Influencing Others for His Kingdom

I know I never would’ve considered sharing my story publically had I not shared my testimony years ago at a Celebrate Recovery meeting as a prerequisite for leadership. I’ve shared it several times in those settings since then, but I don’t need to have that structure limit my publicly sharing my story. My writing and blogging are now the primary ways in how I serve Him. Another way is being open to opportunities like the short interview about “The Story Lives” done at Henriet’s book launch party.

This summer, my influence and speaking are focused on Spain. There are no Celebrate Recovery meetings in Spain. I’m pursuing other avenues to share my story. I don’t know what that looks like yet. It may not even be in a structured setting. I’m trusting God to open the doors He wants opened. I know that by just being there and living my life with the Light of Jesus that I am living missionally.

I’m grateful Henriet persevered all the obstacles and doubts that come with writing a book with such a powerful message. We can all use a message like this as we grow in our faith and allow God to use us in the ways that He uniquely designed us. I highly recommend “The Story Lives: Leading a Missional Revolution” as a gift to yourself. It will ignite your desire to live out His Story in your life in a more tangible way.

Updated 01/20/2014: Check out the book trailer below with the music of my Spanish host son and protégé, Pedro González Arbona.

“You Complete Me” or Do You?

The title of this blog post was taken from a quote in the 1996 movie “Jerry Maguire”. It is in the final scene of the movie when the main character in the movie, Jerry Maguire, played by Tom Cruise, returns to his estranged wife Dorothy, played by Renée Zellweger, and tells her that she completes him. For all the women readers out there, let’s just breathe a big sigh as we silently think to ourselves, “if only my husband felt that way”.

I was in my mid-thirties at the time this movie came out and although I was already married for over ten years, I was still naive enough to think that kind of love was possible. It’s not that that kind of love isn’t really possible. It’s that we shouldn’t expect our spouses to complete us. Yet that is the message that we are constantly bombarded with in the entertainment industry. It is all over our television sets, in the theaters and in the fantasy romance novels that women can get wrapped up in. In fact, it is fed to our children at an early age in Disney fairy tales as well. No wonder women expect to live happily ever after when they walk down the aisle on their wedding day.

Complement, Not Complete

We are meant to complement our spouses, not complete them. We are each to be made whole through our relationship with Christ and partner with our spouses in creating a Godly marriage. When we expect our husbands to complete us, we are setting ourselves up for huge resentments and unmet expectations. It is an enormous burden to place on them. They are only human. It is enmeshment and co-dependency at its worst. Without the communication tools to deal with that, we end up living in misery. I know because I lived in that place for many years.

I’ve been working on my own healing and recovery for the past nine years. It was in a variety of spiritual and emotional healing classes and reading books like “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend that I first started to realize this and put the pieces together in my life. It’s been a very painful process to come to terms with my own character defects and emptiness that I had in my heart. I had to learn to turn to God to fill that hole and connect with other women who, for the most part, had also put their husbands on a pedestal and expected them to meet all of their needs. It is epidemic in society. I would venture to guess that unmet expectations are probably one of the leading causes of divorce. But it doesn’t have to end that way.

There is Hope for Your Marriage

My husband and I just returned from a marriage workshop in California held by New Life Ministries. New Life is also responsible for airing “New Life Live”, America’s #1 Christian call-in counseling ministry, hosted by Steve Arterburn. It is a ministry that I whole-heartedly support, list on my website and use as a resource in groups that I lead.

This weekend did not disappoint as I saw God show up in amazing ways and heard many testimonies of life transformation. For me, this weekend was a wonderful opportunity to really connect at a deep level—not just with my husband, but with the other couples in our group sessions. We left refreshed, hopeful for the future and more equipped and willing to bring healing and restoration into our marriage.

I cannot recommend New Life highly enough. Whether your marriage needs a tune-up or a full-blown resuscitation, I encourage you to contact New Life Ministries at 1-800-NEW-LIFE to get it back on track. You’ll be glad you did.

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by ardisanelson on February 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth

Tagged boundaries, Christianity, God, healing, Henry Cloud, hope, John Townsend, New Life Ministries, recovery, Steve Arterburn, struggle, transformation

Posted by ardisanelson on February 27, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/02/27/you-complete-me-or-do-you/

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I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

I am thankful to God for Making Me Bold in the process. Now I use my writing and speaking voice to help others on their journey to turn healing into hope.
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