The Road to Spain, Update 5 ~ The Writing

When I decided to write my manuscript for “Walking My Mother Home”, I made many decisions on what to include and exclude from the story. In fact, I sat on the fence about even writing it because I was afraid that if I wrote the novella that the full length book would never be written. Sometimes I still have those doubts. Yet when I finally sat down to work on the manuscript and review my journal and emails between Rosa and me, I knew there was more than enough material for a book—and I’m still in the midst of living it out in the here and now.

While I have a good idea of what parts I want to include from the story, what is uncertain is what lies ahead with my trip to Spain. This trip is a part of the story from several different angles: the spiritual pilgrimage, meeting Rosa, partnering with Pedro’s music projects, or just visiting Spain in general. Regardless of what may ever be published or interests others, the main missing piece for me personally has always been what transpired from Rosa’s perspective of the story 5,300 miles away.

Communicating Online

Although over these two and a half years of emails Rosa and I have used an online translator, there have always been holes in our communications. Some words don’t translate accurately between Spanish and English. There was also a lot of reading between the lines and assumptions that I made in the process. Sometimes we would go back and forth over the course of a week or more to get clarity on something. That still happens from time to time.

From Day 1 of my telling this family my desire to write about our story, they have welcomed the opportunity with open arms. I’m not sure I would’ve done the same had the roles been reversed—having a foreigner I’d never physically met write about me in a book? It sounds kind of bizarre. Yet it isn’t bizarre or strange in any way. It is actually quite beautiful. I have been humbled to try to do this story and our relationship justice by writing about it.

Word for word Rosa translated the manuscript from English into Spanish.

Rosa’s true stamp of approval on this story came even before she finished reading the manuscript. I sent it to her as a gift on the anniversary of her mother’s passing. The manuscript was in English. Instead of having Pedro or Rafa, her husband, read it to her, she spent hours translating and transcribing it word for word by hand. She was only a few pages into it when we heard that Cladach Publishing had accepted the manuscript. Now that was dedication to our friendship.

Communicating Face to Face

So in three weeks, I will finally meet Rosa, after three years of waiting. I’ve played that scene in the airport over and over in my mind many times. Although I’ll be loaded with a new camera for my Spanish adventures, I’m relying on Rafa to take pictures of our meeting. I’ll probably look like a train wreck from my 18 hours of travel and the tears running down my face, but those first photos will be precious to me.

Barajas International Airport in Madrid, Spain

When I settle in and Rosa and I finally have some quiet time together, there will be no more second guessing her words on the computer screen staring back at me. There will be instant responses—verbal and non-verbal. There will be hugs, smiles and tears to guide us through the difficult territory of breaking down the language barrier as we relive those days leading up to our mothers’ passings.

It’s All About the Journey

Although this trip would be a great candidate for a second blog—a travel log—I’ve opted to keep it simple. Aside from any personal writing that I do for the book, I have no idea how often I’ll post, or how much social media interaction I’ll partake in. In fact, I may even fast from it all, in favor of complete immersion in everything uniquely Spanish.

After all, I’m living out everything I want to write about. This is a unique and significant time in my life. It’s about what God is revealing to me on this next part of my life’s journey. It’s about how He is working in me. It’s about walking out of the unknown and mystery of my relationship with this family into the known and reality of it.

Following God’s nudge to write the story put me on this path in the first place. Now this family’s gracious gift of hospitality has made this trip possible. How much and how often I write over the next few months will be dictated a lot more by our daily schedule than by my selfish desires or any other marketing or publishing ‘shoulds’ that are sure to surface.

It’s all about the journey.

This is storytelling—plain and simple. This is memoir. This is His testimony in my life. I’m proud to share my story in any way God leads—whether it is connecting one on one with this family, face to face with the Spanish people I meet, or in the written word that I hope will one day be published.

In any case, it’s all about the journey; and in three weeks, I know I’ll be walking into the next layer of healing that God has in store for me. I know I will come back a changed person. I hope it inspires you to boldly follow Him and turn healing into hope.

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on June 4, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family

Tagged family, friendship, God, healing, hope, memoir writing, My Spanish Connection, publishing, relationships, Rosa, Spain, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on June 4, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/06/04/the-road-to-spain-update-5-the-writing/

The Road to Spain, Update 4 ~ Mental Readiness

As the countdown calendar on my blog has turned to days (28 as of today) until I arrive in Spain, I feel the pressure mounting to get things done. I have struggled with an internal battle in my mind—highs and lows—that leave me emotionally exhausted and stressed.

Immersing in the language

I suppose it’s only natural considering that I’m short on funds for the trip, wrapping up a challenging high school transition year for my son, and making decisions for a major remodel project on our home that will take place while I’m gone. It has been hard to put all of that aside and cling to the joy that awaits me in Spain.

Over these last several months, the Lord has stripped me of so many expectations. It started with the cancellation of a side trip to France to share my testimony. Then there was the letting go of my desire to speak in Spain. Last week I had another reality check when I realized that the Spanish Ebook for “Walking My Mother Home” won’t be ready in time.

As painful as those realizations have been, letting go of those expectations is allowing me to focus more on preparing my body, mind, and spirit for the trip. (See my last Spain update for how I am preparing my body.)

Immersing in the country

Immersing my Mind

The biggest task to preparing mentally is to learn Spanish. Although I took two years of Spanish in high school (way too many years ago), I knew re-learning would be difficult. I hate having to rely so heavily on this family being my constant translator. (Lo siento, Pedro.) Besides that, the last week of my trip I’m on my own. Regardless of how much I learn by June 24^th, I am hoping that being immersed in the language and culture for six weeks will allow the language to just sink in to some degree.

I’ve also been immersing myself in the music, and reading about Spain in my spare time. My love of Spanish music started three years ago after a gift of CDs from Pedro’s family. My family has long since tired of hearing them, but not me. I can almost sing the lyrics myself, but I have no idea what they mean.

Immersing in the music

Another way I am preparing for this trip is to de-clutter my mind. I turned off the audible email alerts on my smart phone. Unfortunately, I noticed I had an unnerving habit of checking my phone for messages. (Can anyone relate to that?) So last week, I unsubscribed to virtually every email list that I was on. I was shocked to see that I had over 50 bloggers and marketing companies bombarding me with email.

The last piece of immersion I will do over the next few weeks is to re-read parts of my journal and emails during the time that Rosa and I first started to communicate. I want to be in a frame of mind that makes those memories easy to access so Rosa and I can talk about it. But if the story immersion doesn’t happen, I’ll need to let go of those expectations as well.

It’s a First!

This trip is the trip of a lifetime for me. At times I fear it may be my only trip to Spain and try to pack in everything I can possibly think of to do or to prepare. (My day job used to be as a project manager, by the way.) Other times I am in such awe of how God has orchestrated this relationship and can’t imagine there not being future trips or a full-length book being published. That is the essence of the war that seems to be going on in my mind.

I know my mind will be at ease by the time I step off that plane. My challenge for the next 28 days is to remember that regardless of whether or not there are future trips to Spain or what gets done in advance, there will never be the anticipation for my first trip to Spain or the first time I meet Rosa. That is what I need to hold onto over the next four weeks. That, and lots of prayer are the best defense for my mental readiness for Spain.

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on May 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain

Tagged encouragement, fear, gratitude, hope, letting go, life's challenges, mind/body/spirit, My Spanish Connection, overwhelm, plans, relationships, Rosa, self-care, Spain, struggle

Posted by ardisanelson on May 27, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/05/27/the-road-to-spain-update-4-mental-readiness/

Going Down Memory Lane

As we sat at a Seattle waterfront restaurant watching the rain, clouds and sun fight for control of the views out the window, I marveled at the thought of the 19 years that had passed between my friend and me. We didn’t look 19 years older, but the age of our children was reality enough to ensure we were not dreaming.

A blustery day on the Seattle waterfront

Two Peas in a Pod

Mildred and I met when I re-entered the workforce one year after the birth of my first child. We have a very strange history together.

Our work history intersects at three different employers. I was her supervisor at two of those employers. At one point in time, I held a former position of hers and then later she held a former position of mine. That speaks volumes in itself. It is a testament to her character and her work ethic.

Nineteen years later, she has a nice retirement nest egg from her employer waiting for her; and I am just now finding my career niche—my writing. Unlike most writers I know, I don’t have a day job to fall back on. Some might say it is a luxurious lifestyle. For me, it is part of my self-care program.

Mildred was eager to hear all about my upcoming trip to Spain. As if to confirm why she was such a good employee—and how very like-minded we are—she immediately suggested having my story translated into Spanish. I agreed and told her that I negotiated the foreign rights to my story with my publisher and that Pedro had already translated the manuscript.

Does time really heal all wounds?

Wounds of the Past

We caught up on talk about our kids and our parents—being in the sandwich generation. We naturally ended up talking about work. Many of my former colleagues and employees had retired or moved on to other organizations. A few remained.

As we talked about work, the memories and people’s names started to drift back to my short-term memory—people she had even long since forgotten about. Some of my memories were of painful events, like my demotion. Except for one brief moment, I experienced no emotional pain in discussing it though.

They say that time heals all wounds. I’m not sure who that ‘they’ is, but that is not something you’d ever hear in recovery circles. If you don’t look at the painful wounds of the past, you bury them alive. They will leak out in unhealthy ways when you least expect them—like in outbursts of anger, or can lead to physical symptoms like ulcers, etc.

In my case, I worked through my character defects that brought me to my knees at the hands of my boss. I’m grateful for it, as it pointed me down the road to recovery, and eventually to Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program.

Moving Forward

Going down memory lane is a healthy practice—not for self-condemnation or holding on to resentments—but for healing. The one painful memory that surfaced helped me to realize that I still have one last thing to clear up—an amends of sorts.

Even as Mildred and I reconnected we touched on the same thread between us—making sure we understood each other and to not take advantage of our friendship. Her words served to encourage me, and likewise mine for her.

Another luncheon is over. Another friendship is rekindled. Another day is done. All because of the connection my story is making in people’s hearts.

Maybe I do lead a life of luxury. It’s not the kind of physical luxury or success that pays the bills. It is the luxury of friendship. That’s the best kind of riches to have.

Do you embrace opportunities to go down memory lane or avoid it like the plague? I hope you’ll embrace it and free yourself from the pain of the past.

The Road to Spain, Update 3 ~ Physical Readiness

I often refer to my trip to Spain as a pilgrimage. But what does that mean? Dictionary.com defines a pilgrimage as a journey, especially a long one, made to some sacred place as an act of religious devotion.

My Pilgrimage

Why do I consider my trip a pilgrimage? The connection I have to my Spanish family was influenced by events that were deeply personal and spiritual in nature (as referenced in Journeys to Mother Love). It is on this trip that Rosa and I will personally meet face to face for the first time—three years after having hosted her son, Pedro, in our Seattle area home.

Santiago de Compostela, the final destination for “The Way of St. James”, a pilgrimage in Northern Spain visited annually by 100,000 people.

How do you prepare for a 6-week pilgrimage 5,300 miles across the globe? It is not that much different than preparing for a marathon or any long-term goal, by pacing yourself over time and with lots of discipline.

My goal is to be ready physically, mentally, and spiritually to meet the demands of this trip. When I think of my trip and preparation in this context, the scripture that most readily comes to mind is Romans 12:1-2, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV)

Getting Healthy

Body, mind and spirit—even in my normal everyday life I struggle with keeping a balance between these areas, so I knew this would be a challenge for me. My first area to tackle was getting my body physically fit for the trip.

I’ve been making changes to my lifestyle in phases. Phase 1 was to get my body clock back on a more normal circadian rhythm. That basically meant I switched from working second shift to first shift. (My most creative writing time is late at night.) Phase 2 was to start a daily video workout routine, Slim In 6, at home.

A simple step-by-step approach to weight loss and heathy eating.

The next layer of fitness, Phase 3, was to change my eating habits. I heard about the AdvoCare 24-Day Challenge (cleanse and weight loss program) through my friend, Linda Reed, who had great results. She was so sold on the products that she signed up to be an AdvoCare distributor and fitness coach.

I had wanted to do a cleanse for several years. However, it always sounded like such a difficult thing to do. But this time I was highly motivated. With Linda’s step by step coaching and encouragement, I completed the 24-Day Challenge last week. I eliminated foods from my diet after years of trying to do it on my own. I feel great and my energy level is much higher.

I won’t reveal my official results here (or yet), but suffice it to say, I am very pleased with the progress I’ve made in losing pounds and inches after five weeks of exercise and healthy eating. I am continuing on with all of my new lifestyle changes at least until I leave for Spain.

The Temple of Our Bodies

The recent steps I’ve taken to prepare physically for my pilgrimage have reinforced my belief that my body really is a temple—a temple that houses the Holy Spirit. I am making sacrifices to treat my body like one by making it a priority in my overall health. The result not only affects my physical health, it is affecting my emotional well-being, although that is not what I intended to do.

I hope my physical preparations have inspired you to eat healthy too, and treat your body like a temple. All it took was 24 days and an AdvoCare coach like Linda.

Now that I have Phases 1, 2 and 3 in place, I’m moving on to my next area of readiness—preparing my mind—with only 40 days to go.

4 Comments

by ardisanelson on May 15, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain

Tagged Christianity, encouragement, goals, God, health, hope, mind/body/spirit, My Spanish Connection, relationships, Rosa, sacrifice, self-care, Spain

Posted by ardisanelson on May 15, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/05/15/the-road-to-spain-update-3-physical-readiness/

Reclaiming Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day forever changed for me in May 2010. That was the last time I saw my mother alive. It was also her last Mother’s Day. Previous to that day I think the last time we were together on Mother’s Day was my senior year in high school—a span of 35 years.

Separated by Mental Illness

Over those many years Mother’s Day wasn’t something I looked forward to. It was a day of obligatory cards or calls. She was remarried (again) and happy it seemed—that is until her husband died. After that she drifted in and out of mental hospitals and eventually became a ward of the state.

I had tremendous guilt about my relationship with her. I wanted a mother, but didn’t want her to be my mother. Due to her mental illness and emotional instability she wasn’t able to teach me how to be a mother myself. I had to figure it out on my own. I didn’t hold that against her. After all, I was pretty self-sufficient in those days. I just accepted that she was mentally ill. I chose to distance myself from her physically and emotionally and told myself it was for my own sanity.

Coming Together Again

My final Mother’s Day gift to my mom

When mom had her stroke in 2009, God nudged me back by her side for two visits. The Lord was working on my heart on those trips. As she lingered on hospice, living day to day with the aid of a feeding tube, God was making it clear His work wasn’t done between us yet. That led me to that last visit on Mother’s Day 2010.

Between that trip—the last time I saw her alive—and the day she passed away nine months later, Pedro and Rosa, my Spanish family, entered our lives. And the rest, as they say, is history—forever documented in Journeys to Mother Love.

Mother’s Day Reclaimed

Those first few Mother’s Days after she passed away were hard for me. I deliberately spent them entrenched with my immediate family, to distract me from those painful reminders. Now, I celebrate Mother’s Day with Rosa, as my kindred spirit of mother love—although it is one week earlier in Spain.

As strange as it may sound, I feel like every day is Mother’s Day to me now. My mom’s death in February 2011 brought about a rebirth in me that forever changed the way I view my life and Mother’s Day.

It was as if her death brought me life, not because of any burden I was carrying of guilt or shame, as some might do. It was because I got in touch with pieces of myself that were previously buried deep within me—parts of my identity that weren’t ok to express. God revealed to me in her passing that I am beautifully and wonderfully made in ways like my mother that I couldn’t bear to embrace before.

So every day really is Mother’s Day to me, because of my gratitude to my mom, and to the Lord for giving me back my life. I have reclaimed the real purpose of Mother’s Day in my life. It is the incredible gift that mother’s give to everyone—the gift of life.

Regardless of the status of your relationship with your mother, my wish for you is a Mother’s Day that is filled with pleasant memories and gratitude to the one who gave you life.

More “Journeys to Mother Love” & Free Ebook

If this is the first time you’ve stumbled upon my blog, I encourage you to also check out journeystomotherlove.com, the blog hosted by Cladach Publishing, the publisher of Journeys to Mother Love. This blog, dedicated to encouraging each other in mother/child relationship healing, is authored by the nine contributors to “Journeys to Mother Love”, and invites others to share their stories.

Now through Monday, May 13, 2013, get your free Kindle ebook of Journeys to Mother Love at Amazon.com. Since this is free, after you’ve read the book, would you do me and my publisher a huge favor by writing a review? And don’t forget to subscribe, follow, like, pin, press this or share in your favorite social media!

May these stories inspire you on your journey to mother love. Happy Mother’s Day!

Is Mother’s Day Painful for You?

I used to dread Mother’s Day and the feelings it brought up about my mother. My journey to mother love changed all that a few years ago. Your journey can change too. Don’t give up hope.

Journeys To Mother Love

How many of us, if we were really honest, would admit that we don’t look forward to Mother’s Day? We dread this day devoted to celebrating mothers. It conjures up feelings of inadequacies in our own parenting or maybe how we didn’t live up to the expectations our parents had for us. Maybe it even reminds us of the shame or condemnation we felt at the hands of our parents—especially our mothers.

Mother’s Day isn’t always about bouquets of flowers or a box of chocolates for mom. Sometimes it is filled with bitter memories of a childhood loss due to abusive parents, a longing for the birth mother we never knew, or regrets from things we said or did that can’t be taken back. Maybe your mother has died and you miss her presence in your life.

Those kinds of painful memories can also leave us questioning God or turning…

View original post 324 more words

How Do You Invest in People?

It all started in the summer of 2010. I had just finished a Beth Moore Bible study, was basking in the sun on the deck out back and pondering my next season of ministry options. My passion was facilitating spiritual growth and recovery groups at my church, but had taken some time off during my son’s senior year in high school. As I sat in the sun and prayed, I asked God for direction on how to serve. He clearly ‘said’, it seemed, to invest in people.

How do you invest in people? One person at a time.

Invest in People?

“Hmmm,” I thought, “what does that mean?” Within a few days I had my answer. It came during a Skype with Pedro, the Spanish exchange student who stayed with us earlier that summer. He told me that his grandmother had just been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and only had a few months to live. With my mother being on hospice care and living day to day with the aid of a feeding tube, I sensed that I was to come alongside Rosa and support her through this painful period in her life.

I still wasn’t very sure how to do that—especially since we didn’t speak the same language—and I was struggling with my own mother’s prolonged illness. Yet that connection led to the peaceful passing of our mothers—just three weeks apart, the beautiful bonding of two hearts across the world, and eventually the publishing of my story, “Walking My Mother Home”, in Journeys to Mother Love.

Over the last two plus years I’ve had to let go of the comfort of serving in an organized ministry role in favor of more one on one time connecting with people. It is the continuation of my ‘invest in people ministry’. Last week I was reminded of just how unexpected and profound those encounters can be.

A chance meeting in my hometown

A Chance Meeting

For this particular meeting, I was again basking in the sun, but this was at a nearby country club. I was with a woman I met two months ago at the marriage workshop my husband and I attended in California. Her brother had suddenly passed away and she was in town for the memorial service. The service was over and we stole some time away to reconnect, encourage and pray for one another.

What struck me was how God had orchestrated this ‘chance’ meeting in my hometown and how fortunate I was to be able to be there for her. I didn’t have to ask a boss for time off. (And I’m sure it would’ve been frowned upon by an employer.) I did have to make a choice to delay some promotional work, but it was well worth the investment of my time. (For more about this chance meeting and how God’s hand was all over it, check out “Filling the Jar With Rocks”, on the Journeys to Mother Love blog.)

The R.O.I. points to heavenly rewards.

What’s the R.O.I?

I always find that my people investments have a two-fold benefit. They serve to encourage and support the other person, and they also provide an intangible return to me. In other words, it undoubtedly blesses both of us in some unexpected or profound way. And ultimately they create a big R.O.I. (return on investment), not just in our day to day lives, but in the heavenly realm as well.

Just like any other investment decision there are risks associated with it—the biggest I think is rejection. But I’m willing to step out of my comfort zone and take those risks instead of living with regrets.

After two years of heeding to those ‘investment’ nudges from God, I strongly encourage others to be on the lookout for those same kinds of encounters. We may never know the R.O.I., but I believe there is a banker up above who is keeping track.

What are you doing to invest in people? I’d love to hear your story.

This post is listed on Christian Mommy Blogger/Fellowship Fridays and Missional Women/Faith Filled Friday.

5 Comments

by ardisanelson on May 3, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Relationships & Family

Tagged Christianity, faithful, friendship, God, gratitude, heaven, hope, relationships, Sisters in Christ

Posted by ardisanelson on May 3, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/05/03/how-do-you-invest-in-people/

The Road to Spain, Update 2 ~ The Year of Waiting

Last week marked one year since I secured the funds for my travel and confirmation of my trip to Spain this summer. I remember it vividly because I wrote a post about it and Skyped (video call) with my Spanish family on that day too.

A perfect fit and a perfect exchange.

Last year at this time, my friend Linda graciously helped me by unexpectedly buying my mother’s wedding ring. While I was planning on selling the ring to get money for my trip, I never expected it to go to someone I knew. That was more confirmation of God’s hand on my trip. It was a win-win situation for both of us as she wanted the ring to celebrate the receipt of her mental health license; and it fit her perfectly.

The night before I revealed all of this to my Spanish family over Skype, I went over to Linda’s home to do the exchange—my mother’s ring for my airfare to Spain. It was a memorable evening as we sipped wine, talked about the journey ahead and the reality of my trip started to sink in. Linda has been a big cheerleader for me along this journey and I know she will be there in spirit—along with my other prayer partners.

Revealing My Secret

I Skype with my Spanish family about once a month. Rosa is learning English, but Pedro still does a lot of translating between us. On this particular video call I asked Pedro to view my blog online and translate this newest post to his mother. I eagerly watched and waited for their reactions. He laughed when he translated the part about his music sales not being as much as I’d hoped (to cover my trip costs). Later as he started to connect the dots in the story he said, “Oh, I know where you are going”.

I’m heading to Spain!

As he progressed through his translation of the story, I heard the excitement grow in his voice. He met Linda the year before and was happy to hear how she was involved in this story. As Pedro neared the end, Rosa broke her silence by speaking in English. “Incredible, incredible,” she said with delight in her voice.

Pedro told me they would reserve the summer of 2013 for me. Rosa, in her excitement, rattled off all the cities in Spain we would visit and said she would go to a travel agent and start planning.

We talked about the core reason for this trip and my desire to continue with my writing. Rosa agreed to share with me her perspective of our story and wanted to get started on that too.

Still Hard to Believe

That was the start of my planning for this trip of a lifetime—6 weeks in Spain. Last month, Pedro’s father sent me a calendar of my itinerary including most of those cities we first discussed. I will share more about my itinerary, etc. over the next few months and hope to post regular updates on my blog from Spain. My writing is a significant portion of this trip, but I also want to be in the moment.

8 weeks until I arrive in Spain.

I feel blessed beyond belief at times for this family’s generosity to take me in like this. They are not only opening up their home to me, they are opening up their lives in a multitude of layers—Rosa for trusting me to write about her side of the story, knowing that it will bring up painful memories—and Pedro for letting me partner with him on his musical pursuits. I pray I can do it all justice and that God would keep me focused on His will for it.

Unbeknownst to me or my family, the road to Spain started with our opening up our home to Pedro, for a short term exchange program in July 2010. Now, three years later, it is my turn to be the exchange student. The waiting is almost over.

1 Comment

by ardisanelson on April 29, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family

Tagged friendship, God, hope, music, My Spanish Connection, Pedro Gonzalez Arbona, Rosa, Sisters in Christ, Spain, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on April 29, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/04/29/the-road-to-spain-update-2-the-year-of-waiting/

Dad & Mom ~ Birthday Reflections

When I logged on to my computer Wednesday morning my Outlook calendar reminded me that it was my father’s birthday—his first since he passed away last summer. He would’ve been 95. I gave his eulogy and wrote a series of posts about his passing while in the midst of my grief and processing. In those posts I recounted how beautiful his passing was and about the family healing that resulted.

Nine months have passed and we have all returned to our busy lives in various parts of the country. My stepmother has meticulously cleaned out the house and my father’s belongings. She invested in some long overdue major house repairs. Earlier this month her son permanently moved into their home. It is her time to be cared for and rest easy after several years of being my father’s primary caregiver.

Remembering Dad

In years past, I would call my father on his birthday or sometimes send him a card. He wasn’t a sentimental person so that didn’t matter to him. In a strange sort of way though, I felt closer to my father this week than on prior birthdays.

My father’s rosary

My father’s birthday fell on a Wednesday, the day that I regularly attend a church service and devote a large block of time in prayer. Although not Catholic, I keep his rosary with me during these times. Yesterday as I clutched it and prayed, I sensed his presence and his peace.

When the family went through my father’s personal belongings, I was surprised to find the rosary. He turned away from his Catholic roots many, many years ago. Dad was a born again Christian, yet he still had his rosary—although he probably forgot about it long ago. It was broken and not much to look at—black with small wooden beads.

All of my siblings and family are now Protestant (we were raised Catholic) so I knew no one would want it. Since the Catholic Church played such a significant role in my mother’s peaceful passing and my healing, I knew I couldn’t let it be discarded.

Remembering Mom

Much like Wednesday’s remembrance of my father, I mark my mother’s birthday with pleasant memories of her. I don’t have either of the rosaries I bought her on my trips back home. Both were lost. The only mementos I received after she died was a bracelet I bought her for Mother’s Day—the last time I saw her alive—and a remnant of the chain from the first communion cross pendant I gave her on my 50^th birthday.

My mother’s chain & bracelet

Mom’s first posthumous birthday also fell on a Wednesday, soon after I had started my personal weekly prayer vigils two years ago. Her birthday was only a few weeks after she died.

I vividly remember that day because after my prayer time, I had a beautiful song waiting for me on my phone (via email) from Pedro. It was “Rome”, the second song I knew he composed. He sent it out of the blue, not knowing it was my mother’s birthday. It immediately brought tears to my eyes due to its sheer beauty and the perfect timing of its receipt. That song was a precious gift, which for me, is forever linked to my healing and my mother’s passing.

Still Grieving?

I think I can comfortably say that my grieving for my father is done. When the time is right and I return to the house he called home for the last 35+ years, I suspect a new wave of sadness will hit me. Then when I step on Spanish soil in two months, and meet Rosa face to face, more tears will be shed over the passing of our mothers and how God has beautifully connected us.

Two deaths. Two eulogies. In two years. And now two posthumous birthdays that I privately celebrate with gratitude to God for the perfect way He orchestrated my parent’s passings and the healing in my life. I think that’s worth some quiet time of reflection, don’t you?

3 Comments

by ardisanelson on April 26, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, My Spanish Connection, Relationships & Family

Tagged birthday, Catholic, celebrations, Christianity, family, gifts, God, gratitude, grieving our losses, healing, Mother's Day, music, My Spanish Connection, Pedro Gonzalez Arbona, piano compositions, Rosa, saying goodbye

Posted by ardisanelson on April 26, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/04/26/dad-mom-birthday-reflections/

It’s Not too Late to Forgive

I never considered mercy one of my spiritual gifts. In fact, I’ve never felt called to feed the poor, go on mission to a foreign country or minister to the health care needs of the elderly or terminally ill. Which is why I believe the trips I made back home to care for my mother at the end of her life were so transformational for me. God was giving me a heart of compassion and helping me to put aside my needs.

Then last year, during Holy Week, I traveled 150 miles south over spring break to care for my aged father. God was opening the doors for more healing and preparing my father to go in peace. I think forgiveness, and a letter I wrote to him before he passed, were key to that (excerpts in the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog post above).

My father would’ve been 95 this week. I’m very grateful I had that caregiving time with him.

Rest in Peace, Dad. And in case you’re wondering, I’m doing just fine.

Journeys To Mother Love

Like a scab ripped from the skin, my wound was exposed again. Why would I deliberately enter into that wound again? How could I think that it was really healed? A recent post, “I Forgive You,” by Catherine Lawton was the catalyst that prompted me to take another look. That, and the fact that I spent Holy Week last year caring for my 93-year-old father, sent my mind back to the months preceding his death.

Catherine’s post reminded me of how the words and actions of forgiveness were not something that was modeled to me when I was growing up. Tears weren’t allowed either. We were taught to ‘buck it up’ and move on. Reading that post took me back to the letter I had written my father a year before he died. My grief at that time was still fresh from my mother’s passing, and my healing…

View original post 437 more words

1 Comment

by ardisanelson on April 22, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth

Tagged forgiveness, grieving our losses, healing, hope, leaving a legacy, letter writing, letting go, obedience, reconciliation, relationships, saying goodbye

Posted by ardisanelson on April 22, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/04/22/its-not-too-late-to-forgive/

WELCOME to my site!

I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

I am thankful to God for Making Me Bold in the process. Now I use my writing and speaking voice to help others on their journey to turn healing into hope.
Follow Blog via Email

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Email Address:

Join 337 other subscribers
Recent Posts
Ardis A Nelson ~ Writer ~ Speaker

Ardis A Nelson ~ Writer ~ Speaker
Most Popular Topics
12 step adapting to change Celebrate Recovery celebrations Christianity encouragement faithful family following your dreams friendship gifts God God's timing gratitude grieving our losses healing hope identity Journeys to Mother Love leaving a legacy letting go music My Spanish Connection obedience Pedro Gonzalez Arbona prayer publishing relationships Rosa saying goodbye Spain spiritual journey struggle trusting God writing
What I Write About
Songs Composed by Pedro Gonzalez Arbona
Looking for something inspirational?

Search for:
Copyright Notice

© Ardis A. Nelson and MakingMeBold, 2023. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ardis A. Nelson and MakingMeBold with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

WELCOME to my site!

Follow Blog via Email

Recent Posts

Most Popular Topics

What I Write About

Songs Composed by Pedro Gonzalez Arbona

Looking for something inspirational?

Copyright Notice