All posts in category My Writing Journey

Permission Granted . . . To Not Have It Altogether

I will be attending my first writers’ conference in a few days.  Wow, let me say that again.  I will be attending my first writers’ conference in two days.  One year ago, I was just getting comfortable with writing in my journal.  Most of my friends knew I was starting to take my writing more seriously.  And now I am finally taking the next step of faith and investing in my craft.  It is hard to believe.
Over the last few weeks the anxiety has been building with all the decisions I thought I needed to make.  I set a pretty high standard on how to be prepared for this conference including having several chapters written on a book and being prepared to pitch it to a publisher.  Also with the timing of my first manuscript being published in a book this summer, I wanted to make the most of the writers’ conference by having my platform defined, getting my website up, a new email address, new business cards designed and so on.  I wanted to be able to make a favorable impression with whomever God put in my path at the conference.
After talking with a writing mentor of mine, she really helped to talk me “down off the ledge”.  I was reminded about how I do already have a blog, a business card, and publicity photos and am a published author.  Earlier this week I also received an endorsement for my story from a national author and ministry leader whom I have long admired.  That is pretty amazing stuff for a beginning writer.  I am doing my part and God is definitely doing His.
I think I started to lose sight of what this conference is really all about for me.  As a new writer, I’m not expected to have it altogether.  I’m not expected to know it all or to have it all under control.  I don’t need to be perfect.  I just need to relax and remember that God got me this far in the process in a miraculous way and in His perfect timing.  He’s not going to abandon me now.
I also think what I needed was permission to not have to do this perfectly and to not have to perform.  As I let that sink in, I start to feel a tremendous sense of relief and freedom to attend the conference with much more grace for myself and this process. 
As a recovery group leader at my church, I know what it is like to have newcomers attend their first recovery meetings.  They are often anxious, have lots of questions and are generally in a place of deep need.  I openly welcome them into the group, answer their questions and offer encouragement to embark on their recovery journey.  Why would I expect anything less from a Christian writers’ conference? 
So I have to learn to be a newcomer all over again.  I have to patiently learn the writing and publishing process.  I also have to learn to make mistakes and move forward with God’s help.  And that’s the journey of life.  At my age, you’d think I’d have it mastered, but I am a work in process . . . one day at a time.
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by ardisanelson on May 16, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on May 16, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/05/16/permission-granted-to-not-have-it-altogether/

Expanding My Spanish Circle of Friendship

               Do you ever have those moments in your life when you are just so full of gratitude and can’t believe how perfectly ordained an event could be?  I have had so many of those over the past year that I have started to document them in my writing.  They give me goose bumps or “God bumps” as I call them, every time I think of them.  Last week I had another one of those special moments.
                The story began a few months ago when I started to accept the fact that in order to really tell the story that God has put on my heart to write, that I would have to meet Rosa, the mother of the Spanish foreign exchange student we had in our home two summers ago.  I always knew I would meet Rosa face to face.  But now God was telling me that it wasn’t just my story to tell.  He wanted me to see this from Rosa’s perspective too.
                I had no idea how I was going to be able to do this or if Rosa would even be open to sharing that with me.  And after all, we do not speak the same language.  When I expressed my desire to Rosa, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that she was already learning English.  So our goals were totally in sync.  Now Rosa is learning English so that when we meet our communication will be unhampered.  And I am writing the story from my perspective in preparation to meet with her someday. 
                Someday … writing a book is no small task though and I knew (know) that I would need a deadline to keep me moving on this major project.  And then there was also the concern about where to get the money.  When the sales of Pedro’s CD didn’t materialize like I had hoped, I asked God for an answer.  That is when he gave me the perfect response.
                One day when I was looking through my jewelry box, I came across my mother’s wedding ring.  It was a vintage style white-gold diamond ring from my step-father that she had given me several years ago.  I had forgotten I had it.  Immediately when I saw it, I felt God give me a nudge to sell the ring.  I initially wondered if I’d be able to part with it, but I totally sensed that my mother would be thrilled at the idea.  I felt her smiling at me from beyond.  She wanted me to go to Spain.  She knew how important this trip would be for me.  I also knew that selling the ring would be part of this story.
                Two months later and the ring still sat in my jewelry box.  I knew I would have to get the ring appraised and I started to wear it so that I could drop it off at a jeweler.  One day while on an outing with my friend Linda, she noticed the ring and asked me about it.  I told her I was selling it to get to Spain.  She immediately told me she wanted to buy the ring.  I was shocked and only took her half seriously.  But the ring fit perfectly on her finger.  She insisted that she really loved the ring and wanted to buy it.  Linda had just received her Washington State mental health license and wanted the ring to acknowledge this accomplishment.  As a single woman she also wanted this ring to signify that Jesus is her husband.
                This was just too coincidental to not be a sign from God.  The reason I need to go to Spain is because of the healing I received when my mother passed away.  The story of this healing is connected with Rosa and with Spain.  And now my dear friend wanted to buy the ring.  I knew my mother would be so happy.  The ring wasn’t just going to be sold, it was going to be cherished and worn by my friend as a reminder of her love for Jesus.
                Now all that remained was the appraisal and selling of the ring.  I wanted enough to cover the airfare to Madrid during the peak summer season, but I had no idea of the value of the ring.  I prayed about it and released the outcome to God.  Last week I took the ring in to be appraised.  I was overwhelmed with delight and tears of joy when the ring appraisal covered the cost of my ticket to Spain!
                So I can confidently now say that I really am going to Spain.  I am planning a trip in the summer of 2013.  That gives me one year (that’s the deadline I needed) to write the manuscript—my detailed side of the story.  It gives Rosa one year to learn English—and with a little luck I can work on my Spanish a bit too. 
                What is so cool about this story is that it doesn’t really feel like I gave up my mother’s ring.  It feels more like I am investing in my Spanish circle of friendship.  My best friend received a ring she adores, she has a connection to my mother and is now a key player in this amazing story that God is weaving across 5300 miles to Spain.  And, just like my mother, Linda will be there in spirit with me next summer.
It gives me “God bumps” again just to think about it.
Update January 16, 2013 ~ My tickets are purchased. I will be in Spain for 6 weeks in the summer of 2013, exploring and writing about this story.
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by ardisanelson on April 24, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on April 24, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/04/24/expanding-my-spanish-circle-of-friendship/

Why I Write

I haven’t been doing much writing lately as I have been dedicating most of my time to a major ministry project at my church.  A few days ago though, I took some time out to submit an essay to a writing contest. 
It really got my writing juices flowing, got me out of my head and in touch with my heart.  As you will see in the submission below, my writing comes from a place of passion and call on my life.  I attend monthly Christian Writer’s Meetings that help me to build my writing skills, but more importantly they encourage me to pursue my writing for His purposes. 
Writing prompt:  In 300 words or less describe why you write.  I struggled to keep it to 300 words, but this is part of my learning the craft.  The winner will receive a full scholarship to attend the NW Christian Writer’s Conference.  That was nice incentive, but even better for me was the chance to sit down and reflect on how important my writing has become in my life this past year and what motivates me to do it.  I am very grateful that God is taking me down this path.
Writing
Why I Write
I had just been through one of the most difficult weeks of my life.  My mother had suffered a severe stroke 18 months prior and now I had returned home after dutifully handling all of her end of life matters.  I went through the painstaking process of having her cremated, writing her eulogy, speaking at her memorial, and saying my final goodbyes in a ceremonial foot washing.
While on this trip back home, God took care to reveal hidden treasures in my soul that connected me to my mother, but I hadn’t previously realized.  He gave me beautiful glimpses into the ways that I am like her.  It was an amazing gift of freedom and wholeness.  In the midst of these revelations, God placed a heavy burden on my heart to start writing.  And, I did. 
I found my voice in my writings, heard God speak to me, and share His visions for my life.  God revealed the story that He wanted me to write and placed a much bigger call on my life. He has given me dreams to offer inspiration and hope to others from a grateful heart. 
Even today as I cling to the transformations that God has orchestrated in me, I fondly remember the words my writing teacher shared when I was on the fence about my writing ability.  It was from a book by Louise DeSalvo “ …if you want to write you must follow your desire to write…if you want to become a writer, eventually you’ll learn through writing—and only through writing…if you want to write and don’t because you don’t feel worthy enough or able enough, not writing will eventually begin to erase who you are.”  This is why I write.
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by ardisanelson on March 17, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Identity, My Writing Journey

Posted by ardisanelson on March 17, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/03/17/why-i-write/

Waiting on Pins and Needles

               The days were slowly passing by since I sent my manuscript off to the publisher on December 1.  At first I put the entire idea of being published out of my mind.  I had gone away for a weekend to write the manuscript and put so much of my normal family and life commitments on hold as I worked toward the manuscript deadline.  So naturally after I sent the manuscript into the publisher, I felt a tremendous sense of relief.  I met my goal.  I wrote the story.  I celebrated.  Then I filed it in the back of my brain and jumped into the thick of the holiday season.
                Then one week passed by, 2 weeks, 3 weeks.  As Christmas approached I hoped that maybe there would be a Christmas gift in my email.  On December 22, I did receive an email from the publisher.  The subject line read: Christmas Gift from Cladach.  My heart skipped a beat.  I opened the email with much anticipation only to be immediately let down by the reality that this was a marketing email to announce a free e-book that the publisher was offering.  It was a nice Christmas promotional idea, but my hopes were dashed.
And there it was again—right in the front of my mind.  This email seemed to trigger all of my doubts about going down this path and if I really could be a writer.  I had put myself out there.  I had written what was on my heart to write—the story that I felt God calling me to write—and it came back void.  I felt exposed.  I was already in a writer’s funk and not writing on my blog.  There was nothing I could physically do about it, so I worked on letting go of my fears and doubts emotionally again.
The New Year brought renewed hope for me.  I attended my monthly Christian Writer’s meeting and started to think about setting some writing goals for 2012.  I decided to hold on to the belief that this piece would be published this year—if not by this publisher then by another.  So many people had witnessed this story unfold and told me how amazing it was.  So many people had been inspired by it.  So many people said they couldn’t wait to read about it.  God was definitely telling me to pursue it.  I trusted Him with this story and again put it in the back of my mind.
As a beginning writer, I was learning how difficult the waiting part of this process was.  I definitely wasn’t looking forward to the potential rejection that commonly follows.  I knew that the two month milestone would be pivotal to me.  It is at that point, that a writer usually contacts the publisher if they haven’t heard.
A few days before the two month anniversary, I watched the movie “The Help” again.  The first time I saw it, I was just starting to see myself as a writer, so Skeeter’s journey to become a writer really resonated with me.  This time around I watched the bonus feature about the making of the movie.  The bonus video clip told the story about how the book debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list and the impact it had on Kathryn Stockett, the author’s, life.  She was with friends when she got the news and immediately they marked this moment in time (with a toast) as an event that would forever change her life.  I got goose bumps when I saw this video clip.  I sensed that I was moving toward this event in my life too.  I felt encouraged and wrote about this in my journal.  I felt poised for success.  I was on pins and needles.
The following day, the much anticipated contact from the publisher arrived.  The subject of the email was the reply (RE) to the original email I sent with my manuscript.  I knew as soon as I saw it that it was the long awaited answer.  I let out a scream and held back on opening the email.  I received it as I was on my way to an appointment. I delayed opening the email until later in the day when I wasn’t so rushed.  After I returned from my appointment, I prepared myself by spending some time in prayer and surrendering the outcome to God. 
The email reply was short—just one line.  I immediately thought it was a rejection.  I had a friend on speaker phone with me to share this moment.  I read the line silently and then began screaming—and crying. 
“What, what, what?” my friend asked.  “What does it say”?
“They’ve accepted my story!” I shouted through tears of joy.  “They are sending a contract!”  My sheer joy elicited excitement from her as well.  The house was filled with a mixture of shouts, laughter, and tears.  My son rushed downstairs to find out what all of the commotion was about.  He thought that something terrible had happened.  I told him the good news and held him in a big hug for a long time letting all of the emotion release from my body.
This excitement was followed by emails to the publisher, my husband, my prayer partners, my writing teacher, and of course, Rosa and Pedro in Spain.  Later that evening, I attended my regular support group meeting and let the tears flow some more.  The timing was so perfect with the anniversary of my mother’s passing just one week away.  This day was also the 8-year anniversary of the devastating event that led me to start recovery in the first place.  God had perfectly redeemed this day for me into something with such a positive nature.
The icing on the cake that night was celebrating and toasting this occasion with my friend at her house.  It was like déjà vu.  Just like Kathryn Stockett, the author of “The Help,” my life was taking a potentially dramatic change.  We were marking this date as a milestone in my life and thanking God for His blessing.
Toasting the acceptance of my manuscript with a friend, January 2012.

Toasting the acceptance of my manuscript with a friend, January 2012.

I know my writing isn’t Pulitzer quality and that I am only one of eight authors in this book.  I also know that this was only possible because it is God’s will.  My waiting for this news wasn’t just something that was two months in the making.  This is part of the bigger story about how God redeems years of heartache, depression and loneliness.  It is the restoration for the years that the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). 
The really cool thing about this is that this story is not done yet.  God is at work in my life.  He is at work in Spain.  He is at work in the Protestant Church and the Catholic Church.  God is at work all around us.  He is for our good if we surrender to His will.  That is the message of this story.
I’m no longer on pins and needles about the publishing of my manuscript.  However I am still on pins and needles on what lies ahead.  It is a quiet tension inside of me that I need to get used to as I live a life where I often struggle to put God first.  When I do, He is graciously waiting for me.
Update 8/24/2012: My story, “Walking My Mother Home”, was released in “Journeys to Mother Love” by Cladach Publishing. Autographed copies are available on my site.
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by ardisanelson on February 20, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on February 20, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/02/20/waiting-on-pins-and-needles/

A Year To Remember, Part 2

While God was transforming and healing me with my mother’s passing in 2011, He was also giving me a connection with a family in Spain.  Our families met the year before through a short term summer exchange program when their son, Pedro, stayed with us.  Pedro’s grandmother was also diagnosed with a terminal illness and only had a few months to live.  So Rosa, Pedro’s mother, and I ministered to each other through the painful process of preparing for our mother’s passing.

Neither Rosa nor I spoke each other’s native language, but we used an online translator to send emails to each other.  Occasionally, Pedro would fill in the gaps or translate on a Skype call.  Our letters back and forth were beautiful gestures from the heart and proof that with God there are no barriers that cannot be overcome.  Each time I gave to Rosa, I also received from her and vice versa.  It was very comforting and healing.

Rosa, Pedro's mother

Rosa, Pedro’s mother

Early on in this relationship with Rosa, Pedro also took steps to deepen the connection between our families.  In January 2011, Pedro sent us a link to a YouTube video of ‘Seattle’ a song he composed and dedicated to our family.  It was an amazing gift of kindness and gratitude.  Over the next few months, Pedro sent more original piano compositions.  We were astonished by this young man’s talent and oblivious to the fact that he had played several of his compositions in our home the previous summer. 
The more Pedro sent his songs to us, the more I toyed with the idea of recording his music.  And so for Pedro’s 18th birthday, when he was in Seattle, I took him into a recording studio to produce his first CD.  That day was very memorable.  I did a photo shoot of Pedro in the studio for his CD cover, artist photos, etc.  I video recorded several of his songs as he performed in the studio.  Those videos are on youtube.com.  Then we spent several hours with the music engineer editing the songs.  We left the studio with a fantastic master recording of 13 songs from his prepared playlist.  As soon as we got in the car, we popped the master into the CD player.  Pedro was in disbelief—smiling ear to ear—as he listened in sheer delight to his music kiss the speakers and fill the car.
In the days that followed we created all the CD content, labels, burned disks, etc. and mass produced 50 CDs for friends and family in Spain.  The first printing of the Spanish CD was titled, ‘Compositions of Pedro González Arbona’.  An English version of the CD soon followed with the title ‘Introducing Pedro González Arbona’.  After all, I’m betting this won’t be this young man’s only album.  Pedro’s music is mostly inspired by cinema and soundtrack composers like Hans Zimmer and John Williams.  He dreams of scoring a motion picture soundtrack someday.
Introducing Pedro González Arbona, Pedro's debut CD

Introducing Pedro González Arbona, Pedro’s debut CD

After Pedro returned to Spain, I pursued having his music set up for online sales and digital downloads.  Months earlier, Pedro had affectionately started calling me his ‘manager’, but now it is a role I take more seriously.  I used my love for writing to create Pedro’s website copy and worked with Pedro on edits and Spanish translations as well.  By Christmas 2011, Pedro’s music was available on itunes,Amazon, Zune, and various other music sites.  He now has a Facebook artist page and his music can be purchased through his Facebook store as well.  Physical copies of his CD are available on CDbaby.com.

So 2011 really was a year to remember for me.  Although it started with the passing of my mother, it ended with the expansion of my family and some radical ‘career’ changes that I never would’ve anticipated. 
After some of my first published devotionals, one of my friends told me I found my calling.  Those were precious words to me.  I hope and pray that is true, because now that I’ve been writing this past year, I can’t imagine not doing it.  I cannot not write.
In the case of Pedro’s music, I ‘manage’ his American music endeavors out of love for him and his music.  Pedro is like a son to me and his mother is like a sister (which probably makes me more like an aunt).  I am Pedro’s #1 American fan so it is only natural that I would do this for him.  Someday the proceeds will be enough to buy the long-awaited ticket to Spain to meet Rosa face to face.  That trip will be the trip of a lifetime for me as I plan to write about their amazing country and more of the story that has brought our families together. 
That will be a year to remember too.  Will it be 2012?  Only God knows.  I’m waiting for His answer.
4/26/2012 Update: God provided a way for me to get to Spain in 2013.  Here’s the related story. Expanding My Spanish Circle of Friendship 
1/23/2013 Update: Tickets purchased. I will finally meet Rosa face to face on June 24, 2013.
6/24/2013 Update: Read about meeting Rosa and my travels to Spain starting with España Update 1: The Longest Day.
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by ardisanelson on January 12, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on January 12, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/01/12/a-year-to-remember-part-2/

A Year To Remember, Part 1

It may sound cliché, but 2011 was a year to remember.  If you received our annual family newsletter you have heard some of these amazing things.  I hope that it will eventually be a published book.  Until that time, I’m sharing this more openly in my blog and any other avenues that God leads.  Part 1 is about how writing became such an integral part of my DNA this year.
I started out 2011 trying to just take one day at a time with the uncertainty of my terminally ill mother’s fate hanging over me.  I had made three trips back home in the 17 months since my mother’s stroke and was longing to see her again.  In the midst of this waiting, I was also comforting Rosa, Pedro’s mother*, with the news of her mother’s passing.  And then three weeks later, my mother suddenly passed away.
I was initially in shock as I felt certain that God had told me I would see my mother alive again.  I didn’t understand how God could take my mother so suddenly.  I returned home to St. Louis to handle my mother’s final arrangements and burial. 
That painful trip ended up being such a blessing for me.  I was able to speak at my mother’s memorial—something I never foresaw myself doing.  My mother was mentally ill for pretty much all my life and so I wasn’t very close to her.  Over the months preceding her death though, God was giving me glimpses of how I am like my mother in ways that I hadn’t seen before.  The eulogy ended up being a beautiful tribute to my mother and a way I could share those things with her. It was incredibly healing for me.   The revelations and healing were so significant to me that God laid it on my heart to start writing.
A few months later, my connection with New Life Ministries and Steven Arterburn, led to an interview about my experience.  The interview was distributed nationally to supporters of the ministry.  And so I continued to write.  Shortly after that I was asked to join the team of devotional writers at my church.  I was just getting used to the idea of being a ‘writer’ and I certainly never thought I’d write devotionals.  But after prayer and thoughtful consideration, God gave me the confidence and His words to do it.  I also took some writing classes over the summer and wrote a few short stories.
                In the fall, I began to take my writing more seriously, started my blog and joined the Northwest Christian Writers Association.  It was through this group that I heard about a story submission to a Christian publishing firm for stories of mother/child healing relationships.  That led to the writing and submission of my first manuscript just over a month ago.  That was a huge leap of faith—fingers crossed and praying.
So I started out 2011 with lots of uncertainty in my life around my mother’s passing.  I ended 2011 with closure, wholeness and a new sense of purpose.  God has given me a story and a desire to write it.  That is pretty scary at times because it is a big commitment, but also because I didn’t see it coming.  But isn’t that the way God does His best work?  If I went down this road on my own, I’d want to take the credit for it.  But since I know this is something that I couldn’t do on my own, I have to rely on Him.  He is the author of my story and I’m blessed to collaborate with Him on making it known in whatever way He leads.

 

*Learn about my Spanish connection and who Pedro is in Part 2.

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by ardisanelson on January 3, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Writing Journey, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on January 3, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/01/03/a-year-to-remember-part-1/

Has Your Christmas Gone to the Dogs?

              I just can’t seem to get in the Christmas spirit this year.  Correction, I just can’t seem to stay in the Christmas spirit this year.  I’ve had small glimpses of peace, but they’ve been very fleeting.  I can’t quite figure out why that is.  It’s not like I haven’t gotten things done.  Maybe my problem is that I’m not giving myself any grace.  After all, I did just write a manuscript and set up a website and online music sales for my Spanish son’s music.   

I guess what bothers me is that I had so much help to get some of those things done this year.  I’ve never needed help to put up the Christmas tree, decorate the office or buy and wrap the presents—even when I worked full time.  But this year it’s like I’m on some other planet—the one that doesn’t stop for Christmas.  There are no Christmas cookies baked and boxes of unopened Christmas decorations still sit in my garage.  My poor car moans every time I start it as if to say, “Why have you abandoned me outside in the cold?”  I want to apologize to it too and tell it I’m just too busy to make room for it. 
And then there is the writer’s block that I seem to be experiencing.  Or is it just that I’m too busy to write?  I’m not quite sure, but after reading a blog post from one of my favorite authors earlier today, I felt ‘unblocked’.  Her blog mentioned some of the same things that I am struggling with—the tension of what I’m supposed to be doing for the holidays versus the connecting times and also the writing ‘shoulds’.  It was a relief to me to know that I am not alone with trying to prioritize my Christmas activities and still find peace.  Her struggle gave me permission to write too.
This year has been a big transition year for me so it shouldn’t be such a surprise that I need to re-evaluate how I do Christmas too.  The rules and traditions that I’ve had in place in the past don’t have to dictate what I do this year.  I don’t need to put up every Christmas decoration I own.  I don’t need to bake cookies.  I do need to connect with my friends.  I do need to spend time with my family.  I do need to let people know how much they mean to me.  I do need to relax and let go of so many expectations to have it all together.
So with Christmas Eve less than a day away, I’m choosing to shake off the ‘shoulds’ and finish the season with an attitude of gratitude.  Even though we are dog-sitting for two other dogs over the holidays, that doesn’t mean I have to let my Christmas ‘go to the dogs’.  I do have so much to be grateful for—the three men in my life, my extended family in Spain, my friends, and that God wants to use me in bigger and bolder ways than I ever thought was possible.

  At Christmastime let’s remember that Jesus came to fulfill the law with grace and truth.  So shouldn’t we be willing and able to give ourselves that same grace this holiday season?  I don’t know about you, but I’m all in for that.  Woof, woof!  May His Peace be with you this blessed holiday! 

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by ardisanelson on December 23, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on December 23, 2011

https://ardisanelson.com/2011/12/23/has-your-christmas-gone-to-the-dogs/

Counting Words

I just returned from a weekend of solitude at a Christian camp all by myself so I could write a short story for publisher submission due in a few days.

“Have a nice time,” people would say when they heard about it.  “Really,” I would usually think to myself.  “A nice time? What is so nice about being locked up in a room by myself for over 48 hours to write.”

Nothing fancy, locked away in a lodge to write in solitude.

Nothing fancy, locked away in a lodge to write in solitude.

Prompted to Submit my Story

I was in fear.  I had backed myself into a corner with the deadline.  I had never done anything like this before.   And I had never submitted a story for publication either.  Needless to say I had lots of doubt.  But I was a woman with a mission.

I heard about this story submission after joining the Northwest Christian Writer’s Association a few months ago.  It was one of the first emails that I received as a member.  I knew as soon as I saw it that it was tailor-made for my story.  It was a story about mother/child healing.  But I didn’t act on it.

All of this writing stuff was so new to me.  I had just started my blog and was writing devotionals for my church.  Was I ready to take on a project where my writing would be competing against other writers?  I was sure that there were lots of writers with stories about healing.  After all, my story of healing was what led me down this writing path in the first place.

Committed to Write

As the deadline approached, a kept getting a nudge from God to submit my story.  Of course, then I argued with him.

“But what about my book?” I would ask him. “If I do this story, then I may never write my book.”  His loving response was to just trust Him and to stop questioning it.

Preparing for my writing retreat with prayer from friends.

Preparing for my writing retreat with prayer from friends.

So as I committed to do the writing and prepared to write, I received several confirmations that I really have lots of material for a book.  Writing this story submission was not going to detract from the bigger book.  In fact, I started to embrace the idea that regardless of the outcome, that my weekend of writing would be a step I needed to take in my quest to become a real writer and that none of my work would be wasted.

It was with that attitude that I sat down at my laptop at the camp this past weekend—alone and away from family on Thanksgiving weekend.  But I wasn’t totally alone.

Not All Alone

During one of my meals with the camp staff, I heard the story of a woman whose mother-in-law was just diagnosed with cancer.  They were in the process of deciding her course of treatment and weighing the options for quality of life.  The options were all very grave.  I almost started to cry as I had just finished writing about my mother’s illness and the quality of life choices we made for her.  “Thank you God,” I thought to myself for this kiss and confirmation that I am not alone in this.

The internet and cell phone were also available for me to reach out when I needed a break.  On a lighter note, I found out that Facebook now has the capability to do video calls.  I placed my first video call late one night.  Having some face time was a good break that gave me the momentum to write a few more hours into the early morning.

Aside from these few human interactions, my best companion I had over the weekend was God. He kept me out of my ‘head’ much of the time in my writing. Every day my devotional spoke words of confirmation and encouragement for my mission. It was the kiss that I needed each day to tackle this project.

A walk to stretch my legs and a friendly face to urge me on.

A walk to stretch my legs and a friendly face to urge me on.

Counting Words

The one place I couldn’t get my head out of my writing was with my word counts though. With a word limit of 5,000 to 10,000 words, I became very much aware of my word count to track my progress. I started the weekend with 2,000 words already written. By the end of the first day I was up to 4,600 words. By break time on Saturday night I was at 7,600 words—twice as many words as my recovery testimony. When I realized that, I was a bit overwhelmed by the magnitude of what I was doing. That writing took me over a month to write.

By the time I left the camp on Sunday afternoon my first full draft of the story was 9,188 words–right on target. Last night as I read the entire draft for the first time, I started to cry. It is a beautiful story. Someday I know it will be published. I have my friends to thank for their prayers and encouragement as I go down this road. Above all else, I am thankful that God is giving me His words to tell it.

And by the way, it really was a nice weekend.  Word count = 842, but who’s counting?

Update 8/24/2012: My story was accepted by Cladach Publishing in January 2012 and released in August of that year in “Journeys to Mother Love.”

Chapter 8 - Walking My Mother Home by Ardis A. Nelson

Chapter 8 – Walking My Mother Home by Ardis A. Nelson

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by ardisanelson on November 28, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 28, 2011

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Overtaken By Blessings

Yesterday I officially celebrated my 50th birthday with an anointed group of 12 dear friends.  It wasn’t really my 50th birthday as I turn 52 tomorrow.  That’s because two years ago when I was ‘supposed’ to be celebrating my 50th birthday with friends, some painful life circumstances intervened that pushed my celebration to a very low priority.

52 B-day 00036 5x7

My mother, JoAnn, whom I had rarely communicated with over the past few years, had a major stroke that left her partially paralyzed and virtually unable to communicate.  God was doing some major heart surgery on me as he called me to spend my ‘first’ 50th birthday at the feet of my mother.  It was very humbling and bittersweet.  She gave me life and now I sensed that I was giving it back to her.

JoAnn never recovered from that stroke and she never regained her voice.  Her life continued to deteriorate until the Lord finally took her home in February of this year.  So yesterday’s birthday celebration was my rescheduled 50th birthday party—my first birthday since she passed.

Yesterday’s party wasn’t a party in the traditional sense of fun and games or cake and ice cream.  It was a celebration with connecting hearts, inspiration, hope, tears and laughter too.  It was a celebration of life’s richness, healing and transformation.  It was a celebration of how God does turn our mourning into gladness—not just for me but for my new family in Spain as well.  It was my gratitude to God and the people in my life who have helped me carry my burden these past two years.

Joined via Skype by Pedro and Rosa from Spain.

Joined via Skype by Pedro and Rosa from Spain.

Today I embark on the start of a new journey and I am carrying a new burden.  It is the responsibility that God has placed on my heart to write this story.  It is not a small task.  It will require lots of discipline and the openness to relive and process all of the pain and the joy over and over again.  I know that God will see me through it.  My purpose is clear.

My devotional reading for yesterday, titled Overtaken By Blessings, couldn’t have been more appropriately timed by God: And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God. (Deuteronomy 28:2)  I have been overtaken by blessings.  I am on the mountain top.  While I know I can’t stay there, I can choose to carry His love for me in my heart and to gratefully remember that I am going down this path for Him—one day at a time.

1 Comment
by ardisanelson on November 21, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 21, 2011

https://ardisanelson.com/2011/11/21/overtaken-by-blessings/

Wanting Versus Committing

Today I am a writer.  Yesterday I wanted to be a writer.  What’s the difference?  Commitment.

June 13, 2011, that is when I first ‘outed’ myself as a writer.  It was at a support meeting that I regularly attend where we share our struggles and encouragement through the ups and downs of life.  I made the decision to tell everyone I wanted to write a book.  That was a spiritual marker for me.  After I voiced my intent, God opened the door for several things to start aligning with that desire.

Exactly one week later, I was asked to be interviewed by Steve Arterburn, author of over 60 Christian books, founder of Women of Faith and host of the nationally syndicated Christian counseling radio program, New Life Live.  My interview was published on their monthly CD that goes out to supporters of this ministry.  It was through my writing a few months before that this even became possible.

Two weeks later, I was asked by my pastor’s wife to be on the church’s devotional team.  Again, it was through my writing that she even became aware of my desire.  After having our beloved adopted host son from Spain in our home for a month, I turned my attention to trying to write devotionals.  My first one was published the end of July.

Since that time I have started to feel and act like a writer–going to writing classes, attending writers meetings and journaling like crazy.  But there was no concrete writing on my book.  I was overwhelmed by the prospect–not knowing where to start, the structure for it and so on.

Then things started to align with my desire.  At the Northwest Christian Writer’s Association (NCWA) meeting earlier this month I purchased a book called The Seven Steps on the Writer’s Path.  I immediately started reading this book to see where I was on the steps–or even if I was on a step.  Afterall, if I was really a writer I needed to be able to see myself on a step.

It was easy to find myself.  I was in Step 2–WANTING.  I wanted to be a writer.  I was putting myself in the position to become a writer–except that the main reason I decided to take a leap of faith and give intentionality to my writing–to write my book–was not happening.  I knew what lie ahead–Step 3–COMMITMENT.

I didn’t want to read that chapter, but the more I sat in wanting, the more I knew I needed to.  I needed to see what was ahead and see if I could do what it took–and to get unstuck.  It was hard to read Step 3.  It was about the sacrifices that writers make and the changes that they need to put into place to make writing happen.  So that is what I am doing–making changes in my life that realign with my desire to write a book.

So on Saturday, October 15, 2011, I heeded to the voice in my head that gave me the place to start on my book.  Funny how it wasn’t at all in the realm of what I was thinking about over the past few weeks.  When I let go of where to start, God gave it to me.  It was the introduction–why I am writing this book.  Once I wrote that the next piece just seemed to flow.

I only have a vague idea what I am doing with this, but at least it is a start.  I am thrilled.  I am elated.  I am scared.  I am nervous.  These are all signs of being in Step 3, so that is a good thing.  I am honored that God would call me into this journey.  I’m praying that He will keep me focused on it and that it will glorify Him.  I am grateful to not be wanting any longer, but to be committing to this partnership with Him.

Where are you sitting in a state of wanting?  What is it going to take for you to commit to your goal?  Ask God to help you take the bold steps necessary to realign your life and commit to His purpose for your future.  And then watch God show up.

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by ardisanelson on October 18, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 18, 2011

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    I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

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