All posts tagged healing

Learning to Grieve

Grieving is such a subjective process.  If you think about it, most of us have not been taught how to grieve.  There are no preparatory classes for grieving like there are for other major changes in our life, like pre-marital counseling, parenting, childbirth or even becoming a member at your church.  There are a few grief classes like “Grief Share” conducted through churches or at local hospitals, but those are after the fact.

Generally we are thrown into it abruptly and have to figure out how to cope the best way we can.  If you seek professional help with grief or even look it up on the internet, you will learn about the “Five Stages of Grief” introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross.  Depending on the depth of grief one experiences, professional help is generally a good idea—especially if you become depressed or feel hopeless with your loss.

My first experience with death was the loss of my maternal grandmother when I was ten years old.  We had just moved 2,000 miles away from my father and my friends to be near my mother’s side of the family after their divorce.  My grandmother had a heart attack one night while I was staying in her home, they rushed her to the hospital and she died.  I had only known my grandmother a few months but we were inseparable.  I remember crying buckets of tears over that loss.  Over the years, other relatives passed away, but I was not close to them and there was no grieving to speak of.

Then came the death of my father last month preceded by my mother’s passing last year.  With those losses so close together and fresh in my mind, I have found myself pondering the grief process.  After spending a week tending to family matters and the memorial service out of town, my life quickly returned to its normal hectic pace.  I wrote a few blogs about my father’s passing, I sent photos and videos to family members and even listened to a few of my recorded conversations with my father.  For the most part, these things were done void of tears.  Then there were the occasional times where out of the blue I would just cry, for what seemed like no apparent reason.  It has been mystifying to me.

What I am most grateful for in this time of emotional ups and downs is that I am modeling something to my kids that I didn’t have modeled to me growing up.  Both of my sons have caught me in some of these tearful moments.  The first time they witnessed it, I calmly and tearfully explained to them that it is part of a normal grieving process.  Their concern and assurance of their love have helped me to integrate the loss.

The biggest lesson I have learned in my year of grieving was to offer forgiveness and reconciliation with my parents while I still had the chance.  The healing of those relationships made all the difference for me.  Having no regrets has made my grieving process easier.

So how long will the tears last?  I have no idea.  Everyone goes through the stages of grief at a different pace.  I am content with God’s timing on all of this and knowing that one day He will turn all of our mourning into gladness (Jeremiah 31:13).  Until then, I am carrying on with my life and embracing the healing process that God designed for us, one tear at a time.  Those who sow with tears  will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5 (TNIV)

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by ardisanelson on August 8, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on August 8, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/08/08/learning-to-grieve/

Saying Goodbye to My Father, Part 3 – Letting Go

My Dad was a cancer survivor.  29 years ago he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in the parotid (saliva) gland.  At the time, only three other people had ever been diagnosed with this and all of them had died.  His prognosis was grim with a life expectancy of less than a year.  My father recognized his survival as a miracle, but never understood why his life was spared.

As family went through his belongings, personal affects and files the week he died, I came across a letter from that time in his life.  It was so profound for me in connecting the dots of his life that I used this as a key part of his eulogy.

My father accepted Christ as his Savior during this time and he was preparing to die.  His letter logically explained to family and friends what was happening medically, but it also showed a side of my father that I didn’t see in later years.  In the letter, he shared his faith in God and asked for prayer on his behalf.  Clearly those prayers were answered.  As I read that letter, the reason(s) why God spared his life 29 years ago became clear to me.

One of the hardest lessons to learn as a Christian is that we are not in control and that we need to trust God.  Proverbs 3:5-6 speaks to that: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  It is easy to trust God as long as things go the way we want them too—and we think we are in control.  But God has a way of reminding us that we are not God and to not rely on our own self-sufficiency.

What I observed about my father during his final years was how hard it was for him to let go of the control of his life.  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t be self-sufficient any longer.  He had to accept the frailty and aging of his body.  He had to accept his periods of mental incapacity.  He had to accept help—and learn to ask for it.  He had to let go of the timing of his death.  It frustrated him.  And I think one reason my father’s life was spared 29 years ago was that he had to learn to let go and give God control.  He was a stubborn man and so it took him a long time to finally surrender to God’s plan for his life.

More importantly, I think the main reason my father survived that rare cancer was because of the healing and forgiveness that needed to happen in our family.  Dad may not have directly realized it, but he said things to family members in the months, weeks, days and hours before he died that provided much healing and closure.  I know that if he passed away all those years ago, this healing wouldn’t have happened.

For me, learning to let go and turn over my will and desires to Christ is a daily battle.  Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a “Van Boxtel” or because I’m human.

Me & Dad circa 1962.

As my father neared the end of his life, I had to learn to let go of him too.  I let go of expecting the words of affirmation that the “little Ardis” never got from him.  As an adult, I was learning to love him for who he was.  When I did that, I ended up getting what I longed for, but it had to be in God’s timing and ways, not my own.

Two weeks after his passing, I am learning to let go of not getting any more answers from him.  No more questions about my mother and no more questions about what happened when my parents divorced.  It’s pretty final.  I’m getting to be ok with that.  And I’m resting in the knowledge that he is at peace and my letting go is only temporary.  I’ll see both of my parents in the blink of an eye, and ALL of my questions will be answered then.

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by ardisanelson on July 26, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on July 26, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/07/26/saying-goodbye-to-my-father-part-3-letting-go/

Saying Goodbye to My Father, Part 2 – Relationship Healing

My father and I had several memorable conversations over the last few years as I tried to prepare myself for his passing.  My parents divorced when I was nine.  My mother, two brothers and me moved 2000 miles away so we could be near my mother’s family.  My contact with my father was very limited after that day.  My husband and I moved back to the Pacific Northwest many years ago and started to have more regular contact with him.  Even as an adult, I still longed for his acceptance and love for me.  I knew I had that as I watched him leave this earth last week.

It was a painful and surreal experience to watch my father pass away before my very eyes.  My mother passed away a year ago.  I had a strong desire to be there when she passed, but it wasn’t meant to be.  I had no such expectations or hopes with my father.  Interestingly enough, the emotional healing I received as a result of my mother’s passing was what I needed to help me prepare for my father’s passing.

It was a long road to this place of peace between us.  I’ve done a lot of emotional and spiritual healing work over the last ten years and am a strong advocate for Christian 12-step programs, like Celebrate Recovery, that helped me to face my brokenness and to forgive.  My relationship with Christ gave me the strength and courage to journey into the painful places that I needed to deal with in order to free myself from the unmet expectations I still carried with me.  In doing so, I learned to love my father as he was—with all of his imperfections.

Except for reading my mother’s eulogy and memorial program from a year ago, my father had not seen any of my writing or knew of my desire to write.  I visited him in February shortly after my first manuscript was accepted by Cladach Publishing in the compilation Journeys to Mother Love.  I feared that he wouldn’t live long enough to see it in print, so I wanted him to know about this story.  Even though it was difficult for him to read or to hold his concentration for very long, he asked to read it.  I was shocked when he sat at the computer with its enlarged print and read the whole story in one sitting.  “Very, very good writing,” he said.  His words were a precious gift.

Last picture with my father, April 2012.

Then a few months later when I needed help with more information for the final edits, he filled in some of the gaps in my memory.  Those edits were accepted in the final proof of the manuscript hours before rushing to be by his side in the hospital at 2 AM.  My story, “Walking My Mother Home,” about the healing I received as I prepared for my mother’s passing, was the topic of our final conversation together.  He agreed to tell my mother “hello” when he got to heaven.  And he agreed to tell her I was ok and that I love her.  I was also able to thank him for his help with the manuscript.

My conversations with my father after that were brief in nature and geared toward his health care.  Our final private time together was in my brother’s home the following day.  He was resting in his new recliner.  I sat at the desk next to him writing his eulogy on my laptop.  Hours later he passed away.

I never did finish writing his eulogy.  In the days that followed his passing, my time was torn between family obligations and other preparations.  I gathered my thoughts though and jotted down some notes.  I trusted that the Holy Spirit would give me the right words to say.

The hours leading up to his memorial, I was stressed with last minute logistics.  I was nervous too.  I’ve spoken at church functions and shared my recovery testimony several times, but except for my husband and my younger brother, my family had never heard me speak.  This was a whole new arena to step out of my comfort zone.

Strangely enough though, as I stood in front of family to share the final reflections that I felt God led me to say about my father and his legacy, I was in total peace.  The healing I received with my mother’s passing the year before made me whole enough to face this new challenge.  God had miraculously connected the timing and significance of these two events.

I know that my true identity is ultimately in Christ.  But for me and the orphaned spirit I often felt throughout my life, I can now see my additional identity as a woman who was uniquely loved by two very different parents, each with their own brokenness and burdens.  They both left me with a legacy of healing.  And for that I am eternally grateful.

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by ardisanelson on July 20, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on July 20, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/07/20/saying-goodbye-to-my-father-part-2-relationship-healing/

Time for a Power Lunch

Yesterday I had what I can only term a “Power Lunch” with a friend whom I haven’t connected with for a few years. Our “Power Lunch” wasn’t the kind of lunch where high stakes corporate mergers are born. It was the kind of meeting where life transformation is discussed, tears are shed and dreams are shared. It lasted over four hours!

My friend and I have run into each other at women’s retreats and commit to connecting for some one-on-one time, but for whatever reason, we didn’t get a date on the calendar. As the date for this commitment approached last week, my anxiety seemed to rise on how I was going to get everything done. And this commitment came close to being cancelled. Thankfully that didn’t happen.

Waiting for a table at the restaurant seemed to take forever. When the time came to seat us, my friend asked for a table in a quiet area (away from the group of noisy kids just seated). I knew this was going to be some good quality time. After we ordered lunch, we fell into a natural routine of sharing what God was doing in our lives. It was like we never parted.

Power lunch

Our relationship goes back to the first day I walked into a Celebrate Recovery meeting, eight years ago this week. I was drawn to her warmth, vulnerability and sense of humor. She made a lasting favorable impression on me. I’m sure she was one of the influencing factors that helped me to overcome my uneasiness and skepticism on whether to return to those first meetings.

What is interesting is that on the surface, we didn’t seem to have anything in common. Our recovery issues were very different. But since my work addiction landed me in recovery, I attended the breakout group for addictive behaviors. I met some very interesting people—whom I still consider friends. They were some of the core women who started my accountability and support team. And they were just what I needed to foster my relationship with God.

That was a very difficult time in my life. I was learning to let down the wall around my heart and let people see the real me. It was risky, but worth the effort as I started to feel loved and accepted for who I was and not what I did. It was where my love for God moved from my head to my heart.

Eight years later, my friend and I both marveled at what God has done in our lives and how He is using us in our spheres of influence. I won’t soon forget her words of exhortation and grace as we parted company. They were a life-giving gift and confirmation of the transformation that God has done in me this past year.

I am incredibly grateful to God for this season of growth. And yesterday I was reminded how blessed I am for the life-giving relationships I’ve sowed along the way.

When was the last time you had a “Power Lunch” and who was it with? Who has God placed on your heart to connect with lately? What is stopping you?

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by ardisanelson on June 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on June 11, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/06/11/time-for-a-power-lunch/

Preparing for Mother’s Day

                Except for sending flowers and a card to my mother for Mother’s Day in years past, my Mother’s Day focus has mostly been on spending time with my immediate family—my spouse and two sons.  That was until two years ago.  That was the last time I saw my mother alive—Mother’s Day 2010.  Since that time Mother’s Day has much more significance to me. 

                My mother had a nervous breakdown when I was six years old radically changing the trajectory of my life.  From that point on the messages I received were to avoid being like my mother.  For the most part I learned to stuff my emotions for fear that I would be labeled “crazy” like her.  Her mental illness led to her absence in my life in many ways.  Growing up she was mostly absent emotionally and then when I entered adulthood, I chose to disconnect from her physically as well.
                But two years ago, God laid it on my heart to visit my mother one last time.  I had visited her twice in the previous six months to care for her after a debilitating stroke left her paralyzed on the right side of her body and unable to speak.  This visit was even more painful than the other visits and I feared this was going to be the last time I would see her alive.
               Preparing for Mother's Day It is hard for me to believe that visit was two years ago.  My life is radically different now, including the way I prepare for and celebrate Mother’s Day.  That is because in the process of losing my mother, I was blessed with the gift of emotional and spiritual healing.  As a result, I have gotten in touch with parts of my identity that I had denied and suppressed for years.  I tend to think that the way I am now is similar in many ways to how my mother would’ve been had she not suffered that nervous breakdown all those years ago.  I am grateful for recognizing that I AM wired like her.  It is part of the legacy that she left me and makes me very grateful for her on Mother’s Day.
                Another major way that my Mother’s Day celebrations have changed is that I share this special day with Rosa in Spain.  Rosa is the mother of Pedro, the exchange student we had in our home the last two summers.  Rosa and I lost our mothers within three weeks’ time in a way that has connected us like sisters.  Mother’s Day in Spain is one week earlier than in the United States which means I have to plan way in advance.  This year I even enlisted Pedro’s help to buy flowers for Rosa from me.  It is very touching to now have this mother to mother connection—especially since we have never physically met.
                One last thought about preparing for Mother’s Day.  Last night during the women’s open share time in our recovery meeting, I asked the attendees to each share something that they are grateful for with their mother’s or with their own mothering.  In the past, I think it would’ve been hard for me to answer that question.  It’s not that I resented my mother or blamed her for the lack of nurturing and guidance.  Those things were out of her control and were not intentional.  But sometimes it’s hard to be grateful in the midst of pain and sorrow. 
Answering this simple question last night gave each of us an opportunity to practice gratitude—a necessary recovery tool that helps to take us out of our victim mentality and look for the positive in life situations.  It was a blessing to hear each woman share a nugget that made them grateful in this way.
                I personally have a tremendous amount to be grateful for in my own recovery journey.  It has positively changed my own mothering skills, it helped to push me out of my comfort zone to care for my mother at the end of her life and now it has helped me to reach across the world to celebrate Mother’s Day with my sister Rosa. 
               What are you grateful for this Mother’s Day?   
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by ardisanelson on May 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Identity, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on May 11, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/05/11/preparing-for-mothers-day/

Expanding My Spanish Circle of Friendship

               Do you ever have those moments in your life when you are just so full of gratitude and can’t believe how perfectly ordained an event could be?  I have had so many of those over the past year that I have started to document them in my writing.  They give me goose bumps or “God bumps” as I call them, every time I think of them.  Last week I had another one of those special moments.
                The story began a few months ago when I started to accept the fact that in order to really tell the story that God has put on my heart to write, that I would have to meet Rosa, the mother of the Spanish foreign exchange student we had in our home two summers ago.  I always knew I would meet Rosa face to face.  But now God was telling me that it wasn’t just my story to tell.  He wanted me to see this from Rosa’s perspective too.
                I had no idea how I was going to be able to do this or if Rosa would even be open to sharing that with me.  And after all, we do not speak the same language.  When I expressed my desire to Rosa, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that she was already learning English.  So our goals were totally in sync.  Now Rosa is learning English so that when we meet our communication will be unhampered.  And I am writing the story from my perspective in preparation to meet with her someday. 
                Someday … writing a book is no small task though and I knew (know) that I would need a deadline to keep me moving on this major project.  And then there was also the concern about where to get the money.  When the sales of Pedro’s CD didn’t materialize like I had hoped, I asked God for an answer.  That is when he gave me the perfect response.
                One day when I was looking through my jewelry box, I came across my mother’s wedding ring.  It was a vintage style white-gold diamond ring from my step-father that she had given me several years ago.  I had forgotten I had it.  Immediately when I saw it, I felt God give me a nudge to sell the ring.  I initially wondered if I’d be able to part with it, but I totally sensed that my mother would be thrilled at the idea.  I felt her smiling at me from beyond.  She wanted me to go to Spain.  She knew how important this trip would be for me.  I also knew that selling the ring would be part of this story.
                Two months later and the ring still sat in my jewelry box.  I knew I would have to get the ring appraised and I started to wear it so that I could drop it off at a jeweler.  One day while on an outing with my friend Linda, she noticed the ring and asked me about it.  I told her I was selling it to get to Spain.  She immediately told me she wanted to buy the ring.  I was shocked and only took her half seriously.  But the ring fit perfectly on her finger.  She insisted that she really loved the ring and wanted to buy it.  Linda had just received her Washington State mental health license and wanted the ring to acknowledge this accomplishment.  As a single woman she also wanted this ring to signify that Jesus is her husband.
                This was just too coincidental to not be a sign from God.  The reason I need to go to Spain is because of the healing I received when my mother passed away.  The story of this healing is connected with Rosa and with Spain.  And now my dear friend wanted to buy the ring.  I knew my mother would be so happy.  The ring wasn’t just going to be sold, it was going to be cherished and worn by my friend as a reminder of her love for Jesus.
                Now all that remained was the appraisal and selling of the ring.  I wanted enough to cover the airfare to Madrid during the peak summer season, but I had no idea of the value of the ring.  I prayed about it and released the outcome to God.  Last week I took the ring in to be appraised.  I was overwhelmed with delight and tears of joy when the ring appraisal covered the cost of my ticket to Spain!
                So I can confidently now say that I really am going to Spain.  I am planning a trip in the summer of 2013.  That gives me one year (that’s the deadline I needed) to write the manuscript—my detailed side of the story.  It gives Rosa one year to learn English—and with a little luck I can work on my Spanish a bit too. 
                What is so cool about this story is that it doesn’t really feel like I gave up my mother’s ring.  It feels more like I am investing in my Spanish circle of friendship.  My best friend received a ring she adores, she has a connection to my mother and is now a key player in this amazing story that God is weaving across 5300 miles to Spain.  And, just like my mother, Linda will be there in spirit with me next summer.
It gives me “God bumps” again just to think about it.
Update January 16, 2013 ~ My tickets are purchased. I will be in Spain for 6 weeks in the summer of 2013, exploring and writing about this story.
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by ardisanelson on April 24, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on April 24, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/04/24/expanding-my-spanish-circle-of-friendship/

Waiting on Pins and Needles

               The days were slowly passing by since I sent my manuscript off to the publisher on December 1.  At first I put the entire idea of being published out of my mind.  I had gone away for a weekend to write the manuscript and put so much of my normal family and life commitments on hold as I worked toward the manuscript deadline.  So naturally after I sent the manuscript into the publisher, I felt a tremendous sense of relief.  I met my goal.  I wrote the story.  I celebrated.  Then I filed it in the back of my brain and jumped into the thick of the holiday season.
                Then one week passed by, 2 weeks, 3 weeks.  As Christmas approached I hoped that maybe there would be a Christmas gift in my email.  On December 22, I did receive an email from the publisher.  The subject line read: Christmas Gift from Cladach.  My heart skipped a beat.  I opened the email with much anticipation only to be immediately let down by the reality that this was a marketing email to announce a free e-book that the publisher was offering.  It was a nice Christmas promotional idea, but my hopes were dashed.
And there it was again—right in the front of my mind.  This email seemed to trigger all of my doubts about going down this path and if I really could be a writer.  I had put myself out there.  I had written what was on my heart to write—the story that I felt God calling me to write—and it came back void.  I felt exposed.  I was already in a writer’s funk and not writing on my blog.  There was nothing I could physically do about it, so I worked on letting go of my fears and doubts emotionally again.
The New Year brought renewed hope for me.  I attended my monthly Christian Writer’s meeting and started to think about setting some writing goals for 2012.  I decided to hold on to the belief that this piece would be published this year—if not by this publisher then by another.  So many people had witnessed this story unfold and told me how amazing it was.  So many people had been inspired by it.  So many people said they couldn’t wait to read about it.  God was definitely telling me to pursue it.  I trusted Him with this story and again put it in the back of my mind.
As a beginning writer, I was learning how difficult the waiting part of this process was.  I definitely wasn’t looking forward to the potential rejection that commonly follows.  I knew that the two month milestone would be pivotal to me.  It is at that point, that a writer usually contacts the publisher if they haven’t heard.
A few days before the two month anniversary, I watched the movie “The Help” again.  The first time I saw it, I was just starting to see myself as a writer, so Skeeter’s journey to become a writer really resonated with me.  This time around I watched the bonus feature about the making of the movie.  The bonus video clip told the story about how the book debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list and the impact it had on Kathryn Stockett, the author’s, life.  She was with friends when she got the news and immediately they marked this moment in time (with a toast) as an event that would forever change her life.  I got goose bumps when I saw this video clip.  I sensed that I was moving toward this event in my life too.  I felt encouraged and wrote about this in my journal.  I felt poised for success.  I was on pins and needles.
The following day, the much anticipated contact from the publisher arrived.  The subject of the email was the reply (RE) to the original email I sent with my manuscript.  I knew as soon as I saw it that it was the long awaited answer.  I let out a scream and held back on opening the email.  I received it as I was on my way to an appointment. I delayed opening the email until later in the day when I wasn’t so rushed.  After I returned from my appointment, I prepared myself by spending some time in prayer and surrendering the outcome to God. 
The email reply was short—just one line.  I immediately thought it was a rejection.  I had a friend on speaker phone with me to share this moment.  I read the line silently and then began screaming—and crying. 
“What, what, what?” my friend asked.  “What does it say”?
“They’ve accepted my story!” I shouted through tears of joy.  “They are sending a contract!”  My sheer joy elicited excitement from her as well.  The house was filled with a mixture of shouts, laughter, and tears.  My son rushed downstairs to find out what all of the commotion was about.  He thought that something terrible had happened.  I told him the good news and held him in a big hug for a long time letting all of the emotion release from my body.
This excitement was followed by emails to the publisher, my husband, my prayer partners, my writing teacher, and of course, Rosa and Pedro in Spain.  Later that evening, I attended my regular support group meeting and let the tears flow some more.  The timing was so perfect with the anniversary of my mother’s passing just one week away.  This day was also the 8-year anniversary of the devastating event that led me to start recovery in the first place.  God had perfectly redeemed this day for me into something with such a positive nature.
The icing on the cake that night was celebrating and toasting this occasion with my friend at her house.  It was like déjà vu.  Just like Kathryn Stockett, the author of “The Help,” my life was taking a potentially dramatic change.  We were marking this date as a milestone in my life and thanking God for His blessing.
Toasting the acceptance of my manuscript with a friend, January 2012.

Toasting the acceptance of my manuscript with a friend, January 2012.

I know my writing isn’t Pulitzer quality and that I am only one of eight authors in this book.  I also know that this was only possible because it is God’s will.  My waiting for this news wasn’t just something that was two months in the making.  This is part of the bigger story about how God redeems years of heartache, depression and loneliness.  It is the restoration for the years that the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). 
The really cool thing about this is that this story is not done yet.  God is at work in my life.  He is at work in Spain.  He is at work in the Protestant Church and the Catholic Church.  God is at work all around us.  He is for our good if we surrender to His will.  That is the message of this story.
I’m no longer on pins and needles about the publishing of my manuscript.  However I am still on pins and needles on what lies ahead.  It is a quiet tension inside of me that I need to get used to as I live a life where I often struggle to put God first.  When I do, He is graciously waiting for me.
Update 8/24/2012: My story, “Walking My Mother Home”, was released in “Journeys to Mother Love” by Cladach Publishing. Autographed copies are available on my site.
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by ardisanelson on February 20, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on February 20, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/02/20/waiting-on-pins-and-needles/

Counting Words

I just returned from a weekend of solitude at a Christian camp all by myself so I could write a short story for publisher submission due in a few days.

“Have a nice time,” people would say when they heard about it.  “Really,” I would usually think to myself.  “A nice time? What is so nice about being locked up in a room by myself for over 48 hours to write.”

Nothing fancy, locked away in a lodge to write in solitude.

Nothing fancy, locked away in a lodge to write in solitude.

Prompted to Submit my Story

I was in fear.  I had backed myself into a corner with the deadline.  I had never done anything like this before.   And I had never submitted a story for publication either.  Needless to say I had lots of doubt.  But I was a woman with a mission.

I heard about this story submission after joining the Northwest Christian Writer’s Association a few months ago.  It was one of the first emails that I received as a member.  I knew as soon as I saw it that it was tailor-made for my story.  It was a story about mother/child healing.  But I didn’t act on it.

All of this writing stuff was so new to me.  I had just started my blog and was writing devotionals for my church.  Was I ready to take on a project where my writing would be competing against other writers?  I was sure that there were lots of writers with stories about healing.  After all, my story of healing was what led me down this writing path in the first place.

Committed to Write

As the deadline approached, a kept getting a nudge from God to submit my story.  Of course, then I argued with him.

“But what about my book?” I would ask him. “If I do this story, then I may never write my book.”  His loving response was to just trust Him and to stop questioning it.

Preparing for my writing retreat with prayer from friends.

Preparing for my writing retreat with prayer from friends.

So as I committed to do the writing and prepared to write, I received several confirmations that I really have lots of material for a book.  Writing this story submission was not going to detract from the bigger book.  In fact, I started to embrace the idea that regardless of the outcome, that my weekend of writing would be a step I needed to take in my quest to become a real writer and that none of my work would be wasted.

It was with that attitude that I sat down at my laptop at the camp this past weekend—alone and away from family on Thanksgiving weekend.  But I wasn’t totally alone.

Not All Alone

During one of my meals with the camp staff, I heard the story of a woman whose mother-in-law was just diagnosed with cancer.  They were in the process of deciding her course of treatment and weighing the options for quality of life.  The options were all very grave.  I almost started to cry as I had just finished writing about my mother’s illness and the quality of life choices we made for her.  “Thank you God,” I thought to myself for this kiss and confirmation that I am not alone in this.

The internet and cell phone were also available for me to reach out when I needed a break.  On a lighter note, I found out that Facebook now has the capability to do video calls.  I placed my first video call late one night.  Having some face time was a good break that gave me the momentum to write a few more hours into the early morning.

Aside from these few human interactions, my best companion I had over the weekend was God. He kept me out of my ‘head’ much of the time in my writing. Every day my devotional spoke words of confirmation and encouragement for my mission. It was the kiss that I needed each day to tackle this project.

A walk to stretch my legs and a friendly face to urge me on.

A walk to stretch my legs and a friendly face to urge me on.

Counting Words

The one place I couldn’t get my head out of my writing was with my word counts though. With a word limit of 5,000 to 10,000 words, I became very much aware of my word count to track my progress. I started the weekend with 2,000 words already written. By the end of the first day I was up to 4,600 words. By break time on Saturday night I was at 7,600 words—twice as many words as my recovery testimony. When I realized that, I was a bit overwhelmed by the magnitude of what I was doing. That writing took me over a month to write.

By the time I left the camp on Sunday afternoon my first full draft of the story was 9,188 words–right on target. Last night as I read the entire draft for the first time, I started to cry. It is a beautiful story. Someday I know it will be published. I have my friends to thank for their prayers and encouragement as I go down this road. Above all else, I am thankful that God is giving me His words to tell it.

And by the way, it really was a nice weekend.  Word count = 842, but who’s counting?

Update 8/24/2012: My story was accepted by Cladach Publishing in January 2012 and released in August of that year in “Journeys to Mother Love.”

Chapter 8 - Walking My Mother Home by Ardis A. Nelson

Chapter 8 – Walking My Mother Home by Ardis A. Nelson

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by ardisanelson on November 28, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 28, 2011

https://ardisanelson.com/2011/11/28/counting-words/

Overtaken By Blessings

Yesterday I officially celebrated my 50th birthday with an anointed group of 12 dear friends.  It wasn’t really my 50th birthday as I turn 52 tomorrow.  That’s because two years ago when I was ‘supposed’ to be celebrating my 50th birthday with friends, some painful life circumstances intervened that pushed my celebration to a very low priority.

52 B-day 00036 5x7

My mother, JoAnn, whom I had rarely communicated with over the past few years, had a major stroke that left her partially paralyzed and virtually unable to communicate.  God was doing some major heart surgery on me as he called me to spend my ‘first’ 50th birthday at the feet of my mother.  It was very humbling and bittersweet.  She gave me life and now I sensed that I was giving it back to her.

JoAnn never recovered from that stroke and she never regained her voice.  Her life continued to deteriorate until the Lord finally took her home in February of this year.  So yesterday’s birthday celebration was my rescheduled 50th birthday party—my first birthday since she passed.

Yesterday’s party wasn’t a party in the traditional sense of fun and games or cake and ice cream.  It was a celebration with connecting hearts, inspiration, hope, tears and laughter too.  It was a celebration of life’s richness, healing and transformation.  It was a celebration of how God does turn our mourning into gladness—not just for me but for my new family in Spain as well.  It was my gratitude to God and the people in my life who have helped me carry my burden these past two years.

Joined via Skype by Pedro and Rosa from Spain.

Joined via Skype by Pedro and Rosa from Spain.

Today I embark on the start of a new journey and I am carrying a new burden.  It is the responsibility that God has placed on my heart to write this story.  It is not a small task.  It will require lots of discipline and the openness to relive and process all of the pain and the joy over and over again.  I know that God will see me through it.  My purpose is clear.

My devotional reading for yesterday, titled Overtaken By Blessings, couldn’t have been more appropriately timed by God: And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God. (Deuteronomy 28:2)  I have been overtaken by blessings.  I am on the mountain top.  While I know I can’t stay there, I can choose to carry His love for me in my heart and to gratefully remember that I am going down this path for Him—one day at a time.

1 Comment
by ardisanelson on November 21, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 21, 2011

https://ardisanelson.com/2011/11/21/overtaken-by-blessings/

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    I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

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