Reclaiming the True You

Last year at this time, I attended an all-day workshop developed by Tamara J. Buchan, an author and friend.  The material she shared from her book, “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You” was so significant to me, I ended up partnering with her on the book marketing team for a short time before she moved to California.

The identity breakthroughs I had at the workshop changed my life.  I left the workshop empowered to do the unthinkable—to write a book.  Within a few months my short story, “Walking My Mother Home”, was accepted by Cladach Publishing.  The book is still a work in progress.  You can read about my identity breakthroughs in an interview Tamara wrote on her blog at tamarabuchan.com.

Tamara and I at the book launch for “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You”, March 2012

Tamara’s book, “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You” takes readers through an identity journey which starts with our true purpose and moves to God’s invitation to become his adopted child in the  family of God.  Throughout the book, Tamara challenges us to change our minds about our true identity and to not accept the “orphaned” status that we so often cling to in our daily lives.

Each chapter reveals key principles that help to breakdown the internal barriers and lies we believe about ourselves.  At the end of each chapter, Tamara provides reflection topics and hands-on experiences that help to integrate the teaching through our minds and into our hearts.

I love how the last chapter reviews key points from the previous chapters.  It ties all of the identity roles together and ends with a call to action.  When I reviewed the various identities, it was confirmation of how I’ve been walking out my new identity and re-purposed my writing and speaking for Him.

Tamara’s words in the book are not just words on the page.  They are an invitation to living life differently—to not remain stuck in our heads or full of doubt.  It is an invitation to move forward and live our lives as God designed.

Having worked with and been mentored by Tamara has given me a unique firsthand perspective to witness how Tamara lives her life by these principles.  I have seen Tamara cling to her identity no matter what the circumstances might be.  In the face of life’s unpleasant and painful circumstances, I too, want to be able to stand tall and still declare my identity in Christ.

I was blessed to be able to attend one of Tamara’s workshops as well as read the book.  Earlier this year, Tamara moved from the Seattle area to the San Francisco area.  She is a gifted speaker and holds retreats, workshops, and speaking events that revolve around the spiritual truths in her book.

Regardless of where you are on your spiritual journey, as a long time follower of Christ or a new Believer, I highly recommend reading Tamara’s book, “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You”.  Her book will challenge you to start thinking differently and to break free from the bonds that are holding you back from becoming all that God designed you to be.

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by ardisanelson on October 18, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Writing Journey, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 18, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/10/18/reclaiming-the-true-you/

For an Audience of One

I’ve been blogging for over a year now.  It’s not such a big feat, but for me it was the next step I needed to take to flex my writing muscle.  Just when I think I’m finding my voice and feeling more comfortable with my writing, I find myself getting caught up in what others think or what a blog is “supposed” to look like.  Self-doubt can creep in so insidiously.

The truth is that most people don’t follow any hard and fast rules to blogging—unless they want to take their writing seriously.  In today’s publishing industry, blogging is a way to prove to potential publishers that you have a “following” or as Michael Hyatt calls it, a “tribe.”  A large tribe equates into potential book sales and that motivates a publisher to take note of your manuscript.  Of course good writing is also key to getting noticed.

So why am I mentioning this on my blog?  It’s because I feel stuck on how to continue blogging.  In the months preceding the publishing of my story in “Journeys to Mother Love,” I pursued getting a domain name and developing my website.  That was when I realized I needed to brand my name, my image, my site, etc.  I hired Athena Dean from Book Jolt, to help with that process.

When Athena asked me what my passion was and what I wanted to write about, my answer was easy.  I love hearing and seeing how God transforms lives when people learn to trust Him and embrace deep healing.  Evangelism isn’t my gift.  It’s facilitating spiritual growth and encouraging people to walk through their pain to the other side of wholeness.  So we brainstormed on taglines and came up with “Where Healing Turns to Hope”.  (Thank you Athena!  That was worth every penny.)

The only problem now is that I am second guessing if my writing is really conveying that message.  I love the exchange of deep spiritual insights and sharing struggles at a heart level.  I am not embarrassed to share my own painful struggles, doubts or neediness.  The question is how much to share on a public blog.

Don’t be tempted by the allure of an audience.

In finding my voice should I deliberately write for affect or strip my spiritual candor to potentially draw a tribe?  Should I always write deep introspective posts that align with my branding?  “Where Healing Turns to Hope” doesn’t have to imply deep spiritual revelation or intense healing.  It’s about being a light in my words and deeds so that others may see Jesus as the author of healing and hope.

My voice is one of thousands of bloggers who have been redeemed and restored to our true identity in Christ—not perfect, but embracing our brokenness and moving forward one day at a time.  When I start to question my voice, the size of my tribe, my “likes” on Facebook and such, I am letting my pride get the best of me and going against the heart transformation that Christ has done in me.

In my recent period of questioning and doubting the direction of my blog, the Lord has graciously reminded me that “He is enough for me.”  When I look to a tribe for validation of my writing, mistakenly defining that as “fruit”, He gently whispers that “I am the fruit” of His labor.  So with that kind of encouragement to continue blogging, I know that I am really blogging for an audience of One—and I’m very grateful for that.

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by ardisanelson on October 15, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, My Writing Journey, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 15, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/10/15/for-an-audience-of-one/

Celebrating Our Milestones

My definition of family has expanded greatly over the last few years and now includes Pedro’s family, the young man we hosted from Spain in the summer of 2010.  My whole world has expanded as a result of participating in the Education First international exchange program.  Mostly thanks to Pedro and his mother, Rosa, I’ve learned much about Spain—its culture, food, economy, music, and more.

On top of that, are the simple pleasures in celebrating life’s milestones together—the good and the bad.  Since meeting Pedro, we have mourned the loss of both families’ maternal grandmothers and the passing of my father this past summer.  We celebrated his high school graduation, the recording and creation of his CD of original piano compositions, and his acceptance at a Spanish university where he studies law and business administration.

When Pedro turned 18 last year, we heard about some of his “coming-of-age” milestones, like legally being able to drink and to vote.  He proudly sent a photo displaying his voter certificate as proof that he voted in the Spanish presidential elections last fall.

Pedro’s new car

Last week, Pedro marked another rite of passage—passing his driving exam and getting his driver’s license.  This was quite an achievement for him since he took the exam multiple times—a common occurrence in Spain due to the extreme level of difficulty.  Pedro sent videos of him and his family picking up his new car at the dealership and driving home.  It was an unexpected surprise and a delight to witness this first in his life.

As with so many of Pedro’s milestones, he wrote a song to commemorate it.  A year ago he wrote “Drive” (click link to hear the song), in anticipation of his learning to drive.  Now that goal is a reality. (“Drive” © 2011 Pedro González Arbona)

Celebrating our milestones via video, photos, music and Skype has certainly connected us, although we are 5,300 miles apart.  It is the next best thing to being there.

I enjoy celebrating life’s milestones with my extended family and others who have journeyed this road to wholeness with me.  Watching the videos of Pedro’s milestone reminded me of the many blessings I have had in my life since his arrival in our home.  Last fall, when I had a significant birthday celebration, Rosa and Pedro joined in via Skype.  I wrote about this celebration on the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog.

The physical expansion of my family has expanded my whole world perspective.  It has taken me beyond my local sphere of influence to a global sphere of influence—one that will include a monumental trip to Europe next summer.  In the meantime, I am continuing to celebrate life’s milestones along the way.

I encourage you to celebrate and commemorate the milestones in your life—no matter how big or small.  We can cling to these milestones, along with God’s Word, when times are rough.

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by ardisanelson on October 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in My Spanish Connection, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 11, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/10/11/celebrating-our-milestones/

To Persevere or Let Go?

My family started geocaching a few years ago.  Geocaching is a recreational activity that uses a GPS to go on treasure hunts all over the world.  It has been a great pastime that allows us to take in the sights, get some exercise and explore places we never would’ve gone before.   (See gecocaching.com for more information.)

After church on Sunday, my husband and I took advantage of a glorious sunny afternoon in the Pacific Northwest to go on the hunt for a few local geocaches.  We hadn’t eaten lunch and we didn’t have a lot of time, but we ventured to a nearby park to make what we thought were some easy “finds”.  (That’s geocaching lingo for having found the hidden treasure.)  We thought these would be easy finds because geocaches are rated for their level of difficulty to find and the level of the difficulty of the terrain.  This was a “1” on both scales.

Geocropmom, aka Ardis Nelson, with a typical geocaching container.

We reviewed the online log entries from the previous geocachers to get some insight and clues for the hunt.  Their entries mentioned blackberry bushes and suggested long sleeves and pants, but that didn’t deter us for the hunt.  We pulled out our gloves from the geocaching backpack we keep in the car, thinking that would be sufficient to avoid getting scratched and poked, but cloth gloves are no match for full grown blackberry bushes.

After at least 40 minutes of searching in and around the blackberry bushes, we finally gave up the hunt.  So much for easy.  We logged the dreaded “DNF” (did not find) on the webpage for this geocache.  Ouch!  I hate those—and then to admit it online for everyone to see—how embarrassing.

“DNF”, it’s giving up.  It feels like defeat.  It seems like failure.  When is enough, enough?  I am not a quitter.  When the going gets tough, I keep going—often times beyond what is reasonable.  When it comes to something I am passionate about, it is especially hard to let go.

So move on we did.  By this time I am hungry, thirsty and my feet hurt.  Did I mention I was not in walking shoes?  But I was encouraged by my husband to go on the next hunt.  It’s only .2 miles away, he said.  I agreed to go.  After all, I didn’t want to end the day with a “DNF” on my geocaching profile.  We ended our outing with two successful hunts or finds.

I share all of this not to give a lesson in geocaching, but to provide food for thought on the challenges in life.  Unfortunately, we don’t get a rating scale of difficulty or terrain that we will encounter on our travels.  We can take a personal risk assessment based on our past experiences, our own abilities or wise counsel from others who have travelled a similar path.

In geocaching, as in life, you sometimes have to decide it’s time to move on to the next challenge.  In doing so, we need encouragement for the journey, like my husband gave me, and the stamina to persevere.  We also need to learn when to let go.

One last thought you might be wondering about related to the “DNF”—why would one post that online for all to see?  It is to help other geocachers who will follow you on the hunt.  That is like our journey too.  It is ok to admit defeat.  It can help others on the journey to self-discovery.  It does not need to define us.  After all, Jesus tells us in John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (NIV)

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by ardisanelson on October 6, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 6, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/10/06/to-persevere-or-let-go/

“Journeys to Mother Love” Book Launch

The last month has been a whirlwind of activities, culminating with the launch of Journeys to Mother Love, Cladach Publishing, at my Open House last weekend.  The emotions and the stress have been pretty intense.

Also during this month my son transitioned to a new high school, I began a new treatment plan for my ADHD, covered staff vacancies at my husband’s office, and bid farewell to the ministry leader I’ve served with for the last year.  No wonder my body is tired and my mind seems a bit mushy.  So it shouldn’t be a surprise that my writing, including this blog, has been on hold.

The Open House and Book Signing was truly magical for me.  As odd as it may sound, it reminded me of my father’s memorial service a few months ago.  I gave the eulogy and felt wholly unequipped to do so.  But somehow God showed up and anointed my words.  And that is exactly what happened last weekend too.

I spent hours creating the publicity documents, personally inviting friends and creating audio/visual segments for the program.  But when my head hit the pillow in the early morning hours on the day of the event, I didn’t know what I was going to say.  I do work well under a deadline, but that was really cutting it short.  I prayed and trusted that God was going to make it all work out, and He did!

When I awoke, I felt surprisingly alert, fresh and ready to write the program.  My prayers were answered that morning as God seemed to piece it all together in my mind.  There was no time to type it up or to practice.  I jotted some notes down on paper and made a B-line for the event.

I felt calm and at ease as I shared with everyone the key pieces of this story—interwoven with videos accompanied by Pedro’s original piano compositions.  (Pedro González Arbona is my Spanish son who is a key character in the published story.)  The response to the event was extremely positive.  I felt blessed and affirmed to start on this next season of writing and speaking.  I know that these things wouldn’t be possible without the love and encouragement I have received from friends and family along the way.  I am very grateful to them.

My mother has been physically gone for almost two years, but as I wrote in “Walking My Mother Home”, I lost her emotionally over forty years ago.  I still have a few moments when I get caught up in the loss of never really knowing my mother as a person—like when I see or hear about my friends connecting with their daughters—but the journey I’ve been on to wholeness these past two years has led to such amazing peace and joy in my own identity.  And it was with that sense of awe and wonder at how God can turn our healing into hope that I celebrated the launch of Journeys to Mother Love last week.

Since many of you couldn’t attend the Open House, I’m including the video below I created from the event.  I think you’ll agree that it was joyful.  In time I will share the other videos and soundtrack to the story.  Pedro surprised me with the song, “The Launch,” a few days before the event.  I hope you enjoy this lovely composition used with the video.  Thanks for following me on this journey to wholeness.

Where has God turned your healing into hope?  Where has God redeemed your pain and made you whole?  I’d love to hear your story or comments on the video.

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by ardisanelson on September 29, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on September 29, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/09/29/journeys-to-mother-love-book-launch/

Walking My Father Home, Part 2

ardisanelson's avatarJourneys To Mother Love

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by ardisanelson on September 17, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on September 17, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/09/17/631/

Walking My Father Home, Part 1

Having my story, “Walking My Mother Home”, published last month has been such a blessing. Even greater has been the connection of that story to the passing of my father, which led to further healing. Above is Part 1 of the story, “Walking My Father Home”, from the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog (journeystomotherlove.com).

 

ardisanelson's avatarJourneys To Mother Love

My father died at the age of 94, just six weeks before “Journeys to Mother Love” was released. I had hoped he would be able to see the finished book before he passed, but that didn’t happen.

Dad was of the generation that didn’t ever discuss emotions or shower people with compliments. Matters of family were best kept to ourselves. And although he openly shared the stories of his life with anyone in earshot, he definitely didn’t have any desire to have his stories published.

Years before I ever had the thought of becoming a writer, I tried to get my father to document his stories on the computer. I even bought him a book about how to leave a written legacy for our family. He wanted no part of that. Instead he appointed me family historian. I took notes of our conversations and recorded our talks.

His health deteriorated…

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by ardisanelson on September 14, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on September 14, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/09/14/626/

Living in a State of Overwhelm

I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).  There I’ve said it and I’m not a secret anymore.  Many of my friends have known this for some time and many more have probably suspected it.  I guess you could say I’ve been in denial about it for many years because I never did anything to specifically treat it and I never got educated on it.

What is ironic about this is that I did start to do research on this a few times in the past.  I have the half-read books by the side of my bed to prove it.  And that’s another symptom that I had it.

Why am I finally coming out of denial about it?  The biggest reason is because my son was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD this summer.  Having his diagnosis gave me the wake-up call that I needed to address my own.  So I am educating myself all about ADD and seeing myself in a totally new light.

My son’s diagnosis was confirmed one week after my father died.  It was a bitter pill to swallow.  My father had always been on the lookout for signs of mental illness in me (like my mother had) and told me a few years ago that he didn’t worry about me any longer.  I’m glad this didn’t surface before he died.  I think it would’ve justified his concerns.

Now that I know, I’m going down a painful road of trying to understand how ADD affects my decision making process and my everyday life.  Sometimes I find myself second guessing what I’ve done in the past—why I chose a certain path.  I wonder how much of my behaviors or actions are based on my God-given gifts or talents and how much are driven by my ADD.  I’ll probably never know.

The one thing I know for sure as I live my life with this new perspective, is that I’d be lost without my years of recovery skills and background.  The tools of Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program, have helped me to cope with undiagnosed and unmedicated ADD. 

Living with ADD often feels like this.

I’m certain that there are many people with undiagnosed ADD who are addicts of some type of obsessive behavior.  It is the way we medicate because we don’t know how to slow down the chaos in our brains.  It makes our character defects loom larger.  It keeps us in a state of overwhelm most of the time.

That’s the place I’ve been for the last week or so.  When I should be joyful about my story being published, I’ve been isolating and in a state of massive overwhelm from the weight of launching into the publicity phase of my book.  I’m trying to understand myself and trying to be a mother to a son who is entering high school with new challenges ahead of him.  I think it would overwhelm anyone, so I need to give myself grace for this next season of the journey.

I know the Lord accomplished some pretty amazing things in me without my even knowing I had ADD.  So now it’s another opportunity for Him to shine in me post-ADD.  I need to learn to let Him—one day at a time, one moment at a time.  And more importantly, I don’t need to let my ADD define me.

Do you feel overwhelmed (with ADD or life in general)?  How are you coping with it?

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by ardisanelson on September 8, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity
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Posted by ardisanelson on September 8, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/09/08/living-in-a-state-of-overwhelm-2/

Sharing Our Stories in Community

Journeys to Mother Love was released a week ago and I’m already starting to get responses from people who have read my story, “Walking My Mother Home”.  At times it is overwhelming to hear how friends cried as they read it or couldn’t put the story down.

Sharing the blessing with Janet.

I’ve been so stressed with preparing for the launch, that I haven’t had much down time or time to reflect on all of this.  Then in the midst of my day I get a call, text or email from someone I know that puts it all into perspective for me.

It is a blessing in so many ways.  First, it is a privilege to write what I believe God has called me to write and have people respond to it.  Second, writing the story was very healing for me personally.  Third, others are being inspired or touched by the story as well.

When I found out that the book was going to have a blog, journeystomotherlove.com, for the authors to contribute and to connect with readers, I was thrilled.  I know the value of sharing our stories in community, as this is a vital part of Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program where I serve in ministry.  Testimonies are inspiring and leave me with a desire to spread the word of hope and healing through Jesus Christ that this program offers.

The blog that accompanies the book is a great way for readers to connect with the authors stories or to share their own stories.  It brings a whole new dimension to reading the book—hopefully inspiring people and providing a positive place for connection—and to multiply the blessings.

So a few days ago, when I read and was touched by Catherine Lawton’s story, “When I Feel Forsaken”, I was compelled to pay the blessing forward.  Click this link, “Journeys to Mother Love” to read that blog post.

I hope you will join me in community at journeystomotherlove.com.  It’s going to be a great place to garner encouragement and be blessed on your journey to relationship healing.  Or if you’ve read “Walking My Mother Home”, you can comment below or contact me privately at info@ardisanelson.com.  In any case, let us know what you think.

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by ardisanelson on August 31, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on August 31, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/08/31/sharing-our-stories-in-community/

It’s Time to Celebrate!

Today is a day to celebrate!  The countdown has ended!  It is the official release date of my book, Journeys to Mother Love.

It is a day I hoped for ever since I received the email seeking submissions to this compilation from Cladach Publishing.  Some thought it was a crazy notion since I had never written anything like this before.  But I knew this story was incredibly unique, compelling and inspiring.  I knew I HAD to write this.

When I sat down to write this 10,000 word novella on a personal writing retreat last fall, the events of this story were still fresh in my mind.  It was painful at times, but the writing brought about more healing.  And then with each publishing milestone along the way, the healing, transformation and joy seemed to integrate more fully into my soul.

As my writing journey started last year, a dear friend of mine often heard me say, “I don’t know what I am doing”.  I seriously believed that.  After all, I was a beginning writer.  It took months for me to retrain my mind and my tongue from thinking and saying those words.  I had to pray my way through the doubts, seek encouragement and ask for lots of prayer too.

And then I had to overcome a steep learning curve into the publishing industry.  Don’t think for a minute that this is all glamorous or that all one has to do is “write”.  That is generally all a writer wants to do.  But in reality, most writers today need to be their own publicity agent, financier and marketing guru—or hire someone to do it for them.  I blindly walked into this—following God’s leading down this path.

A few days ago I got an email filled with congratulatory comments and calling me a professional writer.  It felt very awkward.  That’s a lot to live up to.  In time that will feel more comfortable too.  For now, I’m excited to see what God has in store.

So today I celebrate what He has done in me and through me.  I celebrate what He plans to do with this book–not just for myself, but for the other eight women who so bravely bared their souls in this compilation of healing and forgiveness.

I celebrate our victories.  I celebrate the blessings and inspiration that this book will provide the readers.  I celebrate the connections that will be formed through the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog.  I celebrate God’s gift of mothers and daughters in our lives.  I celebrate Jesus!

How about you?  What are you celebrating today?  Will you celebrate with me?

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by ardisanelson on August 24, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on August 24, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/08/24/its-time-to-celebrate/

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    I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

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