All posts in category Relationships & Family

Sharing Our Stories in Community

Journeys to Mother Love was released a week ago and I’m already starting to get responses from people who have read my story, “Walking My Mother Home”.  At times it is overwhelming to hear how friends cried as they read it or couldn’t put the story down.

Sharing the blessing with Janet.

I’ve been so stressed with preparing for the launch, that I haven’t had much down time or time to reflect on all of this.  Then in the midst of my day I get a call, text or email from someone I know that puts it all into perspective for me.

It is a blessing in so many ways.  First, it is a privilege to write what I believe God has called me to write and have people respond to it.  Second, writing the story was very healing for me personally.  Third, others are being inspired or touched by the story as well.

When I found out that the book was going to have a blog, journeystomotherlove.com, for the authors to contribute and to connect with readers, I was thrilled.  I know the value of sharing our stories in community, as this is a vital part of Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program where I serve in ministry.  Testimonies are inspiring and leave me with a desire to spread the word of hope and healing through Jesus Christ that this program offers.

The blog that accompanies the book is a great way for readers to connect with the authors stories or to share their own stories.  It brings a whole new dimension to reading the book—hopefully inspiring people and providing a positive place for connection—and to multiply the blessings.

So a few days ago, when I read and was touched by Catherine Lawton’s story, “When I Feel Forsaken”, I was compelled to pay the blessing forward.  Click this link, “Journeys to Mother Love” to read that blog post.

I hope you will join me in community at journeystomotherlove.com.  It’s going to be a great place to garner encouragement and be blessed on your journey to relationship healing.  Or if you’ve read “Walking My Mother Home”, you can comment below or contact me privately at info@ardisanelson.com.  In any case, let us know what you think.

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by ardisanelson on August 31, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on August 31, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/08/31/sharing-our-stories-in-community/

Learning to Grieve

Grieving is such a subjective process.  If you think about it, most of us have not been taught how to grieve.  There are no preparatory classes for grieving like there are for other major changes in our life, like pre-marital counseling, parenting, childbirth or even becoming a member at your church.  There are a few grief classes like “Grief Share” conducted through churches or at local hospitals, but those are after the fact.

Generally we are thrown into it abruptly and have to figure out how to cope the best way we can.  If you seek professional help with grief or even look it up on the internet, you will learn about the “Five Stages of Grief” introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross.  Depending on the depth of grief one experiences, professional help is generally a good idea—especially if you become depressed or feel hopeless with your loss.

My first experience with death was the loss of my maternal grandmother when I was ten years old.  We had just moved 2,000 miles away from my father and my friends to be near my mother’s side of the family after their divorce.  My grandmother had a heart attack one night while I was staying in her home, they rushed her to the hospital and she died.  I had only known my grandmother a few months but we were inseparable.  I remember crying buckets of tears over that loss.  Over the years, other relatives passed away, but I was not close to them and there was no grieving to speak of.

Then came the death of my father last month preceded by my mother’s passing last year.  With those losses so close together and fresh in my mind, I have found myself pondering the grief process.  After spending a week tending to family matters and the memorial service out of town, my life quickly returned to its normal hectic pace.  I wrote a few blogs about my father’s passing, I sent photos and videos to family members and even listened to a few of my recorded conversations with my father.  For the most part, these things were done void of tears.  Then there were the occasional times where out of the blue I would just cry, for what seemed like no apparent reason.  It has been mystifying to me.

What I am most grateful for in this time of emotional ups and downs is that I am modeling something to my kids that I didn’t have modeled to me growing up.  Both of my sons have caught me in some of these tearful moments.  The first time they witnessed it, I calmly and tearfully explained to them that it is part of a normal grieving process.  Their concern and assurance of their love have helped me to integrate the loss.

The biggest lesson I have learned in my year of grieving was to offer forgiveness and reconciliation with my parents while I still had the chance.  The healing of those relationships made all the difference for me.  Having no regrets has made my grieving process easier.

So how long will the tears last?  I have no idea.  Everyone goes through the stages of grief at a different pace.  I am content with God’s timing on all of this and knowing that one day He will turn all of our mourning into gladness (Jeremiah 31:13).  Until then, I am carrying on with my life and embracing the healing process that God designed for us, one tear at a time.  Those who sow with tears  will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5 (TNIV)

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by ardisanelson on August 8, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on August 8, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/08/08/learning-to-grieve/

Van’s Requiem

It’s been a year and half since I found out that Pedro, the Spanish young man whom we hosted as an exchange student in our home was a composer.  Since that time, his music has become an integral part of my life, including the culmination of recording his music and putting it online.

A few days after my father died, I received an email from Pedro with “Van’s Requiem” attached.  The email merely said, “You know what I can do right now from Spain, is composing.”  I let the tears flow.

A requiem is a musical composition associated with death and mourning.  When I played “Van’s Requiem” for my step-mother, she told me I couldn’t keep this song to myself and requested that I play it  at the memorial service.  She also said my father would’ve liked it.  And I agree.

My father enjoyed music.  His musical interest started in grade school when he was taught to play the violin by a nun.  He didn’t like the lessons much or her instruction, but he did love music.  He soon took to learning other instruments on his own.  He could play the string bass, clarinet, saxophone, accordion and the organ.  He also had his own band, Bud & His Buddies, for a few years in the late 1930’s to earn some extra money after high school.

Dad passed that love of music down to his family.  My older brother played Dad’s saxophone in school as well as some of Van’s grandchildren, including both of my sons.  For my sons anyway, the saxophone was their secondary instrument.  It was a small way that they got to connect with their grandfather.

I took a few piano lessons in college, but by that time, it was just too difficult for me.  I turned my love for music into an easier way to enjoy it—by working at the college radio station as a disc jockey and eventually becoming the Music Director.  It was a far cry from reading sheet music or performing in recitals, but fun nonetheless.

When Dad met Pedro last summer, they had an impromptu music gathering at the piano and organ.  Pedro played some of his own compositions and attempted to play whatever sheet music my father put in front of him.   It was entertaining to watch and even more precious to me when I watched the videos after my father recently passed away.

The day after Dad passed away, I sent an email to Pedro to tell him the sad news.  I was shocked to notice that they met exactly one year ago—July 10, 2011.  It was hard to watch those videos.  My father’s health deteriorated a great deal since then, but it didn’t seem as noticeable until I watched those videos.

Dad & Pedro doing a sound-check on the family organ, 7/10/11.

I am incredibly glad I recorded that time between Pedro and my father.  One of the songs Dad asked Pedro to play was “The Old Rugged Cross”.  Unfortunately Pedro didn’t know that song.  One year later, I found out that song was Dad’s favorite hymn.  We closed his memorial service with it.

The service was opened with “Van’s Requiem.” I know that on that day one year ago when this relationship was developed, the basis for “Van’s Requiem” was also being developed.  The ripple effect of that encounter had eternal consequences.  I’m sure my father was tapping his toes to his own personal song.

“Van’s Requiem” © 2012 Pedro González Arbona

Indeed music is an integral part of my life.  It has created memories that are priceless to me.  And along the way, it has grown my faith too.

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by ardisanelson on August 1, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in My Spanish Connection, Pedro's Musical Pursuits, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on August 1, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/08/01/vans-requiem/

Saying Goodbye to My Father, Part 3 – Letting Go

My Dad was a cancer survivor.  29 years ago he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in the parotid (saliva) gland.  At the time, only three other people had ever been diagnosed with this and all of them had died.  His prognosis was grim with a life expectancy of less than a year.  My father recognized his survival as a miracle, but never understood why his life was spared.

As family went through his belongings, personal affects and files the week he died, I came across a letter from that time in his life.  It was so profound for me in connecting the dots of his life that I used this as a key part of his eulogy.

My father accepted Christ as his Savior during this time and he was preparing to die.  His letter logically explained to family and friends what was happening medically, but it also showed a side of my father that I didn’t see in later years.  In the letter, he shared his faith in God and asked for prayer on his behalf.  Clearly those prayers were answered.  As I read that letter, the reason(s) why God spared his life 29 years ago became clear to me.

One of the hardest lessons to learn as a Christian is that we are not in control and that we need to trust God.  Proverbs 3:5-6 speaks to that: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  It is easy to trust God as long as things go the way we want them too—and we think we are in control.  But God has a way of reminding us that we are not God and to not rely on our own self-sufficiency.

What I observed about my father during his final years was how hard it was for him to let go of the control of his life.  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t be self-sufficient any longer.  He had to accept the frailty and aging of his body.  He had to accept his periods of mental incapacity.  He had to accept help—and learn to ask for it.  He had to let go of the timing of his death.  It frustrated him.  And I think one reason my father’s life was spared 29 years ago was that he had to learn to let go and give God control.  He was a stubborn man and so it took him a long time to finally surrender to God’s plan for his life.

More importantly, I think the main reason my father survived that rare cancer was because of the healing and forgiveness that needed to happen in our family.  Dad may not have directly realized it, but he said things to family members in the months, weeks, days and hours before he died that provided much healing and closure.  I know that if he passed away all those years ago, this healing wouldn’t have happened.

For me, learning to let go and turn over my will and desires to Christ is a daily battle.  Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a “Van Boxtel” or because I’m human.

Me & Dad circa 1962.

As my father neared the end of his life, I had to learn to let go of him too.  I let go of expecting the words of affirmation that the “little Ardis” never got from him.  As an adult, I was learning to love him for who he was.  When I did that, I ended up getting what I longed for, but it had to be in God’s timing and ways, not my own.

Two weeks after his passing, I am learning to let go of not getting any more answers from him.  No more questions about my mother and no more questions about what happened when my parents divorced.  It’s pretty final.  I’m getting to be ok with that.  And I’m resting in the knowledge that he is at peace and my letting go is only temporary.  I’ll see both of my parents in the blink of an eye, and ALL of my questions will be answered then.

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by ardisanelson on July 26, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on July 26, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/07/26/saying-goodbye-to-my-father-part-3-letting-go/

Saying Goodbye to My Father, Part 2 – Relationship Healing

My father and I had several memorable conversations over the last few years as I tried to prepare myself for his passing.  My parents divorced when I was nine.  My mother, two brothers and me moved 2000 miles away so we could be near my mother’s family.  My contact with my father was very limited after that day.  My husband and I moved back to the Pacific Northwest many years ago and started to have more regular contact with him.  Even as an adult, I still longed for his acceptance and love for me.  I knew I had that as I watched him leave this earth last week.

It was a painful and surreal experience to watch my father pass away before my very eyes.  My mother passed away a year ago.  I had a strong desire to be there when she passed, but it wasn’t meant to be.  I had no such expectations or hopes with my father.  Interestingly enough, the emotional healing I received as a result of my mother’s passing was what I needed to help me prepare for my father’s passing.

It was a long road to this place of peace between us.  I’ve done a lot of emotional and spiritual healing work over the last ten years and am a strong advocate for Christian 12-step programs, like Celebrate Recovery, that helped me to face my brokenness and to forgive.  My relationship with Christ gave me the strength and courage to journey into the painful places that I needed to deal with in order to free myself from the unmet expectations I still carried with me.  In doing so, I learned to love my father as he was—with all of his imperfections.

Except for reading my mother’s eulogy and memorial program from a year ago, my father had not seen any of my writing or knew of my desire to write.  I visited him in February shortly after my first manuscript was accepted by Cladach Publishing in the compilation Journeys to Mother Love.  I feared that he wouldn’t live long enough to see it in print, so I wanted him to know about this story.  Even though it was difficult for him to read or to hold his concentration for very long, he asked to read it.  I was shocked when he sat at the computer with its enlarged print and read the whole story in one sitting.  “Very, very good writing,” he said.  His words were a precious gift.

Last picture with my father, April 2012.

Then a few months later when I needed help with more information for the final edits, he filled in some of the gaps in my memory.  Those edits were accepted in the final proof of the manuscript hours before rushing to be by his side in the hospital at 2 AM.  My story, “Walking My Mother Home,” about the healing I received as I prepared for my mother’s passing, was the topic of our final conversation together.  He agreed to tell my mother “hello” when he got to heaven.  And he agreed to tell her I was ok and that I love her.  I was also able to thank him for his help with the manuscript.

My conversations with my father after that were brief in nature and geared toward his health care.  Our final private time together was in my brother’s home the following day.  He was resting in his new recliner.  I sat at the desk next to him writing his eulogy on my laptop.  Hours later he passed away.

I never did finish writing his eulogy.  In the days that followed his passing, my time was torn between family obligations and other preparations.  I gathered my thoughts though and jotted down some notes.  I trusted that the Holy Spirit would give me the right words to say.

The hours leading up to his memorial, I was stressed with last minute logistics.  I was nervous too.  I’ve spoken at church functions and shared my recovery testimony several times, but except for my husband and my younger brother, my family had never heard me speak.  This was a whole new arena to step out of my comfort zone.

Strangely enough though, as I stood in front of family to share the final reflections that I felt God led me to say about my father and his legacy, I was in total peace.  The healing I received with my mother’s passing the year before made me whole enough to face this new challenge.  God had miraculously connected the timing and significance of these two events.

I know that my true identity is ultimately in Christ.  But for me and the orphaned spirit I often felt throughout my life, I can now see my additional identity as a woman who was uniquely loved by two very different parents, each with their own brokenness and burdens.  They both left me with a legacy of healing.  And for that I am eternally grateful.

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by ardisanelson on July 20, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on July 20, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/07/20/saying-goodbye-to-my-father-part-2-relationship-healing/

Saying Goodbye to My Father, Part 1 – His Legacy

My father died last week after living a long life of 94 years.  It was such a beautiful passing with family by his side.  He had just come home from the hospital hours earlier.  We all knew he was coming home to die, but didn’t realize how quickly his time would come.

The family was preparing to provide his hospice care for several weeks.  Just hours before he passed away, we met with the hospice nurse and were instructed on how to administer his meds and keep him comfortable in his final days.  An hour after the nurse left the house, my father’s condition rapidly deteriorated and my older brother, John, was tested in his new caregiver role much sooner than he anticipated. He rose to the occasion and demonstrated grace and wisdom under pressure.

My younger brother, Glen, arrived from St. Louis just hours earlier and had a poignant conversation with our father.   Dad blessed Glen with words that provided closure and reassurance of his love. Other family members were quickly called to the home and a bedside vigil ensued for the next two hours.

After my dad passed away, we had the added luxury of remaining with him before he was taken to the funeral home.  We held an impromptu wake, telling stories of his life, laughing and crying and processing out loud what we had all just witnessed.  We were in a bit of shock, but not totally unprepared for the finality of it all.  It was so perfectly orchestrated by God.

My father did not openly share his feelings or engage in sensitive dialogue.  He was analytical, logical and often critical in nature.  But in recent years there was a softening of his heart.  He was learning to let go and surrender in small bits and pieces.  I was always watching and processing the changes that were going on with him—and their effect on me as well.  We were both preparing to say goodbye.

My relationship with Christ provided the perspective I needed as I witnessed the events surrounding his death.  Not only did I get closure, but I also witnessed or heard second-hand of other conversations family members, like Glen, had with my father.  When it came to writing his eulogy, those reflections were immediately where I felt led to share.  I wanted my family to remember the softening of his heart and the good that he tried to leave us with.

His memorial was a beautiful family event.  My step-mother told me he would’ve been proud.  Even though there were many tears and lots of sentimental things shared, I think he would’ve been proud too.  He left this family with many legacies: his frugality, his wisdom, his wit, his perseverance, his pursuit of excellence, his logic and analysis of every situation and I think greatest of all, as my brother John shared at the memorial, was his final provision for his family.

My father lived a long, long life of 94 years.  He had a passion for his hobbies like fishing and playing bridge.  He travelled the world with his wife by his side.  Yet he also scrimped and saved.  So in light of that, I think he was preparing to say goodbye all his life.  It was a beautiful legacy to leave his family.

Family crest designed by my father.

We love you Dad.  Thanks for each and every legacy you left for us.

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by ardisanelson on July 17, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on July 17, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/07/17/saying-goodbye-to-my-father-part-1-his-legacy/

Time for a Power Lunch

Yesterday I had what I can only term a “Power Lunch” with a friend whom I haven’t connected with for a few years. Our “Power Lunch” wasn’t the kind of lunch where high stakes corporate mergers are born. It was the kind of meeting where life transformation is discussed, tears are shed and dreams are shared. It lasted over four hours!

My friend and I have run into each other at women’s retreats and commit to connecting for some one-on-one time, but for whatever reason, we didn’t get a date on the calendar. As the date for this commitment approached last week, my anxiety seemed to rise on how I was going to get everything done. And this commitment came close to being cancelled. Thankfully that didn’t happen.

Waiting for a table at the restaurant seemed to take forever. When the time came to seat us, my friend asked for a table in a quiet area (away from the group of noisy kids just seated). I knew this was going to be some good quality time. After we ordered lunch, we fell into a natural routine of sharing what God was doing in our lives. It was like we never parted.

Power lunch

Our relationship goes back to the first day I walked into a Celebrate Recovery meeting, eight years ago this week. I was drawn to her warmth, vulnerability and sense of humor. She made a lasting favorable impression on me. I’m sure she was one of the influencing factors that helped me to overcome my uneasiness and skepticism on whether to return to those first meetings.

What is interesting is that on the surface, we didn’t seem to have anything in common. Our recovery issues were very different. But since my work addiction landed me in recovery, I attended the breakout group for addictive behaviors. I met some very interesting people—whom I still consider friends. They were some of the core women who started my accountability and support team. And they were just what I needed to foster my relationship with God.

That was a very difficult time in my life. I was learning to let down the wall around my heart and let people see the real me. It was risky, but worth the effort as I started to feel loved and accepted for who I was and not what I did. It was where my love for God moved from my head to my heart.

Eight years later, my friend and I both marveled at what God has done in our lives and how He is using us in our spheres of influence. I won’t soon forget her words of exhortation and grace as we parted company. They were a life-giving gift and confirmation of the transformation that God has done in me this past year.

I am incredibly grateful to God for this season of growth. And yesterday I was reminded how blessed I am for the life-giving relationships I’ve sowed along the way.

When was the last time you had a “Power Lunch” and who was it with? Who has God placed on your heart to connect with lately? What is stopping you?

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by ardisanelson on June 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on June 11, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/06/11/time-for-a-power-lunch/

At Nineteen

My oldest child turned nineteen a few days ago.  I know it sounds cliché, but I wonder where the time has gone. 
Evan is finishing up his sophomore year of college and celebrated his second birthday away from home last week.  Prior to his moving on campus, his birthday was a day we would always do something special for.  Over the years, we would usually go out for a family dinner on his birthday and have a party for him most years too. 
I vividly remember each one because I made a small scrapbook for him of each of his birthdays from the day he was born to his 17th birthday.  The scrapbook was my gift to him for his 18th birthday—the first one away from home.  As our firstborn, we provided some pretty elaborate birthday parties for him.  I can’t imagine Evan not remembering his parties or the attention we lavished on him.
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In comparison, I don’t think I ever had a birthday party growing up.  I remember going to a friend’s house for her party when I was about five years old.  I was in awe of the event and how she was showered with so much attention.  The only celebration I can remember was when I was about eight years old.  There weren’t any kids invited to the house, but I remember having a German chocolate cake—my favorite.  It was a memorable occasion because my parents remembered that small detail about me.  
I was nineteen too when I finished my sophomore year of college.  I was attending a small liberal arts college 200 miles away from home.  I spent the summer between my sophomore and junior year housesitting for a professor and working on campus.   I loved my independence.  Looking back now, I’m sure that decision must’ve caused my mother much pain as I also chose to never live at home again.  But I know God opened that opportunity to protect me from the dysfunctional environment back home.
Thankfully, my son will return home again this summer.  We will adapt to having another mouth to feed and watching him come and go on his own schedule.  It is the new rhythm of letting go.  I am choosing to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.
And so how do you make a birthday memorable after so many well documented parties and dinner outings?  You turn to the simple. 
At NineteenTo celebrate Evan’s 19th birthday, we didn’t shower him with attention, parties and presents like we did in the past.  He came home for the weekend and enjoyed some family time.  It was nothing fancy—dinner on the grill, video games with his brother and a bit of TV with the family.  And for the first time ever, I made it just a bit more memorable (for me anyway), by baking him a birthday cake.  Proving that even at 19, parents do still have a few tricks left up their sleeve.
So for this mom, who tries hard to make her kids’ birthdays special, simple was a good change.  And less really was more. 
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by ardisanelson on May 30, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on May 30, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/05/30/at-nineteen/

Preparing for Mother’s Day

                Except for sending flowers and a card to my mother for Mother’s Day in years past, my Mother’s Day focus has mostly been on spending time with my immediate family—my spouse and two sons.  That was until two years ago.  That was the last time I saw my mother alive—Mother’s Day 2010.  Since that time Mother’s Day has much more significance to me. 

                My mother had a nervous breakdown when I was six years old radically changing the trajectory of my life.  From that point on the messages I received were to avoid being like my mother.  For the most part I learned to stuff my emotions for fear that I would be labeled “crazy” like her.  Her mental illness led to her absence in my life in many ways.  Growing up she was mostly absent emotionally and then when I entered adulthood, I chose to disconnect from her physically as well.
                But two years ago, God laid it on my heart to visit my mother one last time.  I had visited her twice in the previous six months to care for her after a debilitating stroke left her paralyzed on the right side of her body and unable to speak.  This visit was even more painful than the other visits and I feared this was going to be the last time I would see her alive.
               Preparing for Mother's Day It is hard for me to believe that visit was two years ago.  My life is radically different now, including the way I prepare for and celebrate Mother’s Day.  That is because in the process of losing my mother, I was blessed with the gift of emotional and spiritual healing.  As a result, I have gotten in touch with parts of my identity that I had denied and suppressed for years.  I tend to think that the way I am now is similar in many ways to how my mother would’ve been had she not suffered that nervous breakdown all those years ago.  I am grateful for recognizing that I AM wired like her.  It is part of the legacy that she left me and makes me very grateful for her on Mother’s Day.
                Another major way that my Mother’s Day celebrations have changed is that I share this special day with Rosa in Spain.  Rosa is the mother of Pedro, the exchange student we had in our home the last two summers.  Rosa and I lost our mothers within three weeks’ time in a way that has connected us like sisters.  Mother’s Day in Spain is one week earlier than in the United States which means I have to plan way in advance.  This year I even enlisted Pedro’s help to buy flowers for Rosa from me.  It is very touching to now have this mother to mother connection—especially since we have never physically met.
                One last thought about preparing for Mother’s Day.  Last night during the women’s open share time in our recovery meeting, I asked the attendees to each share something that they are grateful for with their mother’s or with their own mothering.  In the past, I think it would’ve been hard for me to answer that question.  It’s not that I resented my mother or blamed her for the lack of nurturing and guidance.  Those things were out of her control and were not intentional.  But sometimes it’s hard to be grateful in the midst of pain and sorrow. 
Answering this simple question last night gave each of us an opportunity to practice gratitude—a necessary recovery tool that helps to take us out of our victim mentality and look for the positive in life situations.  It was a blessing to hear each woman share a nugget that made them grateful in this way.
                I personally have a tremendous amount to be grateful for in my own recovery journey.  It has positively changed my own mothering skills, it helped to push me out of my comfort zone to care for my mother at the end of her life and now it has helped me to reach across the world to celebrate Mother’s Day with my sister Rosa. 
               What are you grateful for this Mother’s Day?   
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by ardisanelson on May 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Identity, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on May 11, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/05/11/preparing-for-mothers-day/

Expanding My Spanish Circle of Friendship

               Do you ever have those moments in your life when you are just so full of gratitude and can’t believe how perfectly ordained an event could be?  I have had so many of those over the past year that I have started to document them in my writing.  They give me goose bumps or “God bumps” as I call them, every time I think of them.  Last week I had another one of those special moments.
                The story began a few months ago when I started to accept the fact that in order to really tell the story that God has put on my heart to write, that I would have to meet Rosa, the mother of the Spanish foreign exchange student we had in our home two summers ago.  I always knew I would meet Rosa face to face.  But now God was telling me that it wasn’t just my story to tell.  He wanted me to see this from Rosa’s perspective too.
                I had no idea how I was going to be able to do this or if Rosa would even be open to sharing that with me.  And after all, we do not speak the same language.  When I expressed my desire to Rosa, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that she was already learning English.  So our goals were totally in sync.  Now Rosa is learning English so that when we meet our communication will be unhampered.  And I am writing the story from my perspective in preparation to meet with her someday. 
                Someday … writing a book is no small task though and I knew (know) that I would need a deadline to keep me moving on this major project.  And then there was also the concern about where to get the money.  When the sales of Pedro’s CD didn’t materialize like I had hoped, I asked God for an answer.  That is when he gave me the perfect response.
                One day when I was looking through my jewelry box, I came across my mother’s wedding ring.  It was a vintage style white-gold diamond ring from my step-father that she had given me several years ago.  I had forgotten I had it.  Immediately when I saw it, I felt God give me a nudge to sell the ring.  I initially wondered if I’d be able to part with it, but I totally sensed that my mother would be thrilled at the idea.  I felt her smiling at me from beyond.  She wanted me to go to Spain.  She knew how important this trip would be for me.  I also knew that selling the ring would be part of this story.
                Two months later and the ring still sat in my jewelry box.  I knew I would have to get the ring appraised and I started to wear it so that I could drop it off at a jeweler.  One day while on an outing with my friend Linda, she noticed the ring and asked me about it.  I told her I was selling it to get to Spain.  She immediately told me she wanted to buy the ring.  I was shocked and only took her half seriously.  But the ring fit perfectly on her finger.  She insisted that she really loved the ring and wanted to buy it.  Linda had just received her Washington State mental health license and wanted the ring to acknowledge this accomplishment.  As a single woman she also wanted this ring to signify that Jesus is her husband.
                This was just too coincidental to not be a sign from God.  The reason I need to go to Spain is because of the healing I received when my mother passed away.  The story of this healing is connected with Rosa and with Spain.  And now my dear friend wanted to buy the ring.  I knew my mother would be so happy.  The ring wasn’t just going to be sold, it was going to be cherished and worn by my friend as a reminder of her love for Jesus.
                Now all that remained was the appraisal and selling of the ring.  I wanted enough to cover the airfare to Madrid during the peak summer season, but I had no idea of the value of the ring.  I prayed about it and released the outcome to God.  Last week I took the ring in to be appraised.  I was overwhelmed with delight and tears of joy when the ring appraisal covered the cost of my ticket to Spain!
                So I can confidently now say that I really am going to Spain.  I am planning a trip in the summer of 2013.  That gives me one year (that’s the deadline I needed) to write the manuscript—my detailed side of the story.  It gives Rosa one year to learn English—and with a little luck I can work on my Spanish a bit too. 
                What is so cool about this story is that it doesn’t really feel like I gave up my mother’s ring.  It feels more like I am investing in my Spanish circle of friendship.  My best friend received a ring she adores, she has a connection to my mother and is now a key player in this amazing story that God is weaving across 5300 miles to Spain.  And, just like my mother, Linda will be there in spirit with me next summer.
It gives me “God bumps” again just to think about it.
Update January 16, 2013 ~ My tickets are purchased. I will be in Spain for 6 weeks in the summer of 2013, exploring and writing about this story.
4 Comments
by ardisanelson on April 24, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on April 24, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/04/24/expanding-my-spanish-circle-of-friendship/

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    I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

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