All posts in category Faith & Hope

Goal Setting 101

As I worked on my 2013 goals, I had a sense that it is time for me to slow down.  But how can I do that?  I have a big year ahead of me.  I am traveling to Spain this summer for an extended stay. I need to continue my memoir writing to be prepared for my visit.  I need to study Spanish.  I need to promote my book so I can earn money for the trip.  I want to publically speak about how God turns our healing into hope.  I want to continue blogging.  While all of these things are good, I cannot do it all.  I need to trust that God is going to point me in the direction of what is most important.

Realistic Goal SettingGoal Setting

On my first pass at writing down my goals, I came up with a very long list of tangible and measureable things to get done this year.  I also came up with a list of areas in my life to improve on.  Right off the bat, I can admit that I’m not going to blog once a week like I planned (witness my first post of 2013 is dated January 12), get the number of Facebook ‘likes’ I want or sell the books I need to cover my trip.  (I’m not being pessimistic; I’m just realizing that I’m not going to push myself so much to make it happen.)

With the addition of my physical exhaustion over the last few weeks, I’ve been running around with a critical voice in my head.  It’s been telling me I shouldn’t have pushed so hard to write for NaNoWriMo, I shouldn’t be blogging, and worst of all, I shouldn’t go to Spain.  Ouch!  Where did that come from?  D-O-U-B-T!  It creeps in so insidiously—especially when you are exhausted.  And it’s a sign that I really do need to slow down and refocus on what God wants me to do.

In setting my goals for the year, I want to make sure that they align with His will for me.  I expect to continue blogging; I know I will work on my memoir, and I will most definitely be traveling to Spain.  But I am letting go of making measurable goals around them and trying to be hyper-vigilant about meeting them.  I have to be realistic about what my mind and body will allow.

Renew and Restore

Last month when I started to realize how burned out I really was, a friend and mentor, Tamara J Buchan, reminded me that without a season of rest, we lose our effectiveness.  That is exactly how it feels to me right now.  I need time to renew and restore physically, emotionally and spiritually.  In light of that I have made a positive decision to attend her “Reclaim the True You Identity Retreat” in a few weeks (based on her book).  It will be the perfect opportunity for me to get in touch with God’s direction for my life and this year in particular.  Identity Crisis Book

Goal Collaboration

I’m still a work in progress and trying to find the right balance for my life.  In the meantime, it helps me to be reminded of the following Proverbs (TNIV):

  • Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. (Proverbs 16:3)
  • In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
  • Many are the plans in a human heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

When I collaborate with God to set my goals for the year, I know this next season will be fruitful and that He will direct my path.  How about you?  What goals are you collaborating with God on for 2013?

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by ardisanelson on January 12, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on January 12, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/01/12/goal-setting-101/

Naughty or Nice in the New Year?

 As the year comes to a close and I start to think about 2013, I have been pondering what I need to change in my life.  The question that keeps coming to mind is have I been “naughty or nice” this past year.

Naughty or Nice?I had a good Christmas with my immediate family and friends.  2012 was an amazing year which fast-tracked me into the publishing industry.  There is no room for complaining.  All of this points to being “nice”.  (There are times I certainly don’t think I deserved it.)

However, my body is telling me otherwise.  It is fatigued.  It is sore.  My mind is mush.  I am emotionally and physically spent.  I can’t seem to bounce back like I thought I would.  I have been “naughty”—to my body—and it won’t cooperate with me.  A quick review of the past year brings the whys glaringly into my face.

A Busy Year

In January, I took on the role of trainer on the launch team of my church’s Celebrate Recovery ministry.  A few weeks later, my manuscript was accepted.  I continued in my ministry role despite significant obstacles for much of the year.  I also stepped down from my part-time responsibilities at my husband’s business.

I worked with the publisher to edit and market the book.  I launched my website, created my own marketing materials for the book and held an Open House in the fall.  In November, I devoted my time to NaNoWriMo and writing six chapters and over 30,000 words on my memoir.  On top of all this, I dealt with the passing of my father, the start of menopause and the search for answers to my son’s academic struggles in school.

I Am Not Invincible

What I tend to forget, because I hide it so well, is that I also have chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), multiple chemical sensitivity (MCS) and fibromyalgia (FMS).  I’ve had them for years and am pretty good at keeping it a bay, if I listen to my body and take precautions.  (I went on medical leave from my job five years ago due to an environmental exposure and haven’t worked full-time since.)

With the physical drain comes mental fatigue and hence, my writing is also suffering.  I don’t want this blog to become my random thoughts on my life.  I want it to be a place of inspiration and transformation.  But in order to model vulnerability, I also need to acknowledge this bump in the road.

What Now?

I haven’t lost sight of who is in control of my life or that I have free will in it.  I know He is going to use this to help me refine my character and look to Him for answers on how He wants to use me.

Self Care Reminder2013 has so much potential for me with my trip to Spain and hopefully a side trip to speak in Paris.  Those are things I never dreamed possible.  For me to do them I need to re-evaluate my lifestyle, return to my spiritual and recovery disciplines and invest in some self-care.  I know God will reveal to me what is most important and He will transform my heart to accept His will in all this.  I am a grateful Believer and a recovering workaholic who struggles with pace of life.  (I needed that reminder.)

What about you?  Have you been naughty or nice this past year?  Which will you choose in 2013?  What are you going to do to change and move forward?

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by ardisanelson on December 29, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on December 29, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/12/29/naughty-or-nice-in-the-new-year/

Imparting Christmas Traditions

“‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.”  This first line of the famous poem “The Night Before Christmas” conjures up images of Christmases past when my sons were young and preparing for Santa Claus’ arrival was still part of our Christmas routine.  One of my favorite traditions was putting out a dish of fresh baked cookies for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer.  Right after that my husband or I would read to the boys from a pop-up picture book with that same name.  It was a time of innocence and joyous expectation.

Christmas Eve 1999

Christmas Eve 1999

My teenage sons are now well beyond those years and I’m finding it harder to cling to traditions that will last.  Gone are the days of cookie exchanges and visits to Santa Claus.  Sadly, the one last tradition of making annual ceramic ornaments was dropped this year too.  I contributed a post about the role mothers play in imparting Christmas traditions on journeystomotherlove.com.  Click the link to read Imparting Christmas Traditions on that blog.

If your children are beyond the years of Santa Claus or your home is an ‘empty nest’, you may be asking, “Where is the wonder of Christmas?”  Don’t fret, because the WONDER of Christmas is still alive.

At Christmastime we are reminded that the wonder is God’s gift to us in the form of a baby in a manger.  Christ was born on Christmas Day.  It is the gift that is freely available to us each day of the year. As I long for some of the traditions and magic of Christmases past, I also delight in knowing that the message of Jesus birth on Christmas Day is the best tradition to impart in my family.

What kinds of Christmas traditions, past or present, do you impart with your children?

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by ardisanelson on December 21, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on December 21, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/12/21/imparting-christmas-traditions/

NaNoWriMo Lessons Learned, Part 2 – Personal Takeaways

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is over, but my lessons learned will last me a lifetime.  Part 1 of this series was about my writing takeaways.

Lessons LearnedThe personal takeaways were gleaned from hours of writing, researching the internet for historical context, reading old family letters, reviewing old photographs, interviewing people (mostly family) and having heart to heart conversations with my stepmother.  There were many tears shed during these hours and minutes dedicated to writing my memoir last month.  Below are my thoughts on the personal takeaways from my month of literary abandon.

Personal Lessons Learned

  1. I can let go of a desired outcome.  When life or professional obstacles surfaced during the month, I had to make decisions that I knew would significantly affect my ability to reach 50,000 words.  I chose to let go of the word count goal and the coveted bragging rights that go along with it.
  2. I am not a failure or a quitter.  It would’ve been easy to give up when the obstacles started to surface.  Instead I was able to keep my focus on the higher purpose of my writing and stick with it.
  3. I’m not doing this for myself.  If I was, I would’ve quit.  It took an emotional and physical toll on my body, but I kept sensing God’s calling to continue.
  4. I AM doing this for myself.  Ok, I know that is a contradiction to #3, but it’s true.  As I started to see so many patterns and gain insights along the way, it became very prevalent how important this is to my own healing.  It was a gift to myself.
  5. God’s timing is perfect.  Ok, I knew that, but this confirmed it—again.  There were so many coincidences to things going on in my life now with the past that I knew God wanted me to see them at this very moment in time.  (Lots of blog and writing material here.)
  6. God was with me in the past even when I didn’t sense His presence.  He didn’t forsake me even though I forsook Him.  I knew that too, but got new insights along the way.
  7. I was not alone in the process.  I chose to not use the NaNoWriMo online community and instead relied on my friends and their prayers for support.  They were there for me.
  8. God has been equipping me to write this story and to serve Him in bigger ways.  I can and do trust Him to lead me on my writing journey.
  9. Finishing my memoir is not going to be easy.  This is going to take a long time—maybe years—to write, edit, publish, etc.  I need to be patient and consistent—like the tortoise, not like the hare.Writing
  10. I learned that I really do love to write—even though my brain was a bit fried at times—especially after my push the last week of the month.
  11. I have a greater sense of gratitude for the transformation that God has worked in me over the years.  This past month my writing forced me to face many low periods in my life.  I am grateful He has redeemed it and made me whole.

While NaNoWriMo is over, my memoir writing isn’t.  I’m taking December off from my memoir, but not from writing.  In January I will continue with Chapter 7 and my writing pilgrimage—at a much slower pace.  Along the way, I know God will show up and continue to turn my healing into hope.

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by ardisanelson on December 7, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Writing Journey, Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on December 7, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/12/07/nanowrimo-lessons-learned-part-2-personal-takeaways/

Birthday Thankfulness

A-R-D-I-S.  I haven’t always liked my name.  In grade school I was the recipient of many taunts as classmates manipulated it into something very unflattering.  Over the years though, I have come to love it and embrace it as part of my uniqueness.  Ardis means fervent–having or showing emotional warmth, ferver or passion.  I am very grateful that God has grown me into that name in recent years.

I contributed a post about my birthday reflections on journeystomotherlove.com.  I hope you enjoy it reblogged here.

Birthday Thankfulness.

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by ardisanelson on November 27, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 27, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/11/27/birthday-thankfulness/

Thanksgiving Beyond America

Ever since working through my 12 steps for my recovery issues eight years ago, I have adopted an attitude of gratitude in my life—not just on Thanksgiving, but every day. One of the things I am most grateful for over the past few years is my relationship with Pedro and his Spanish family. For Thanksgiving (and as a gift for my birthday—also Thanksgiving day), Pedro has agreed to share his Thanksgiving thoughts from the perspective of a Spaniard.

Ardis:  When was the first time you came to America and what was your impression?

Pedro & his parents in New York, 2009

Pedro:  I came to America for the first time in 2009 for Easter. I went with my parents and some friends to New York, and we all had such a good impression of this country. I could not say why, but we all thought exactly the same thing: Europeans and Americans are different, but we have a lot in common.

Ardis:  And then you returned?

Pedro:  Yes, that summer I went to L.A. to spend a month learning English. My visit to L.A. confirmed that my first thoughts about America were true. This is why I decided to return the next year, and I had the good luck to meet the Nelson family: Ardis, Curt, Evan and Cameron.

We spent a wonderful month travelling through Washington State, and sharing our cultures in a wonderful process. In the next year, when I returned, they had an amazing present for my 18th birthday: a recording session in a studio. We shared another wonderful month and we have continued keeping in touch.

Ardis:  Yes, thanks to the internet, keeping in touch has been very easy. Why is studying in America or learning English so important to you?

Pedro:  Now that the world is globalized, it is required for almost every company to know English. In Spain there are hundreds of international companies which use English as their first language. I’m studying Law and Business Administration, so it is especially important for me to have a good English level. This is why I took English classes since I was 8 years old or studying abroad in Ireland, L.A. or Seattle.

One of the best things about studying abroad is the possibility to immerse yourself in another culture. You have a different experience meeting new people, new places…and when you return home, you start perceiving how different everything is. It is a strange feeling.

Ardis:  That sounds exciting Pedro! I can hardly wait to experience that for myself next summer when I visit Spain*. What about life in Spain? Americans hear in the media how bad things are with the economy in Spain and Europe overall. How does that affect you and your daily life?

Pedro:  Things are very bad here in Europe. Spain and Greece have the worse economy of all countries in the world. It is believed that we will not fully recover to our 2008, pre-crisis economy, for many years. Fortunately, I live in an area where the crisis’ impact is not very hard. In my family there are 4 people who lost their jobs. So, while I don’t feel the Spanish economic woes in my daily life, I notice its effect in my environment.

Ardis:  Does Spain celebrate a similar day of giving thanks?

Pedro:  In Spain this day doesn’t exist, but we all know it is good to remember what gifts we have received and their meaning.

Ardis:  Now that you have such strong family connections in America, how would you reflect on this American holiday?

Pedro:  Thanksgiving Day is a very special day where we have to stop from our daily life and look for what things we are thankful for. When I look back because of the Thanksgiving Day, I cannot say anything but how thankful I am. It makes me realize how lucky I am to be born in a wonderful family, to have the possibility to study what I like, to have met the Nelson family…there is a very long list, so I don´t want to bore the reader. This is why I thank God for giving me this wonderful life around wonderful people. I only can suggest that because of this day, everyone should try to be grateful.

Ardis:  Well said, Pedro.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts with America!

Pedro & Ardis in the recording studio, July 2011

I hope you enjoyed this interview with a cross-cultural perspective. I know my life has been enriched and expanded by having a relationship with a family 5,300 miles across the globe.

Last year for my birthday, Pedro wrote me a song.  I also celebrated my first birthday since my mother passed with friends who have prayed for me on my ‘journey to mother love’.  I will leave you with a music video from that day combined with Pedro’s beautiful song, Ardis’s Song (click link). Pedro’s music is just one of the many things I am grateful for.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136.1 (NIV)

*I did experience the cultural differences, food, places, and people that Pedro referenced in the summer of 2013. To read about my first-hand experiences in Spain, check out Adjusting to Life in Spain or The Spanish Lifestyle.

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by ardisanelson on November 21, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, Relationships & Family
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 21, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/11/21/thanksgiving-beyond-america/

The Best Thing I’ve Ever Done | By Linda J. Reed | Guest Post

It was late afternoon and the view was magnificent from my window seat high above Salt Lake City on route to my home in Seattle.  The sun was setting, the snow covered the mountains, and the lake was a perfect skating rink below.  Out of the silence I heard, “I want you to move to Montana and be with Kelly.”  God had spoken.

You see, Kelly is my precious daughter.  She had spent many a summer on her aunt and uncle’s ranch in Eastern Montana, and she loved it there.  It was a safe, peaceful place for her.   As Kelly started high school in Seattle, there were many struggles and troubles, both at school and home.  She desperately wanted to move to Montana, and her aunt and uncle graciously accepted her into their home.

Choosing the Hard Road

During 11th grade, Kelly had her tonsils out and I went to nurse her back to health.  It was ripping my heart out.  I knew I was missing her life.  But, I had a job, and a home, and my friends, and bills, and, and … that’s when God spoke.  I debated with Him.  My main concern was how I would support us.  Sidney is a small town.  Where in the world would I work?  God is God, and, of course, He had the answer.  He dropped into my mind “the school.”  “Oh”, I thought, “the school—that’s a great idea.”  By the time I landed in Seattle I had decided to give notice at my job of six years, rent my home out, and move.  I was going to spend my daughter’s senior year with her in Sidney, Montana!

I won’t pretend that everything was easy, it certainly wasn’t.  I had not been mom for the last two years and I surely couldn’t tell her what to do and not do now.  But I could be available, available to: live with her in our own place, go to every single Varsity Volleyball game to cheer her on, (even the games that were four hours away in blizzard snow storms), I could be there as a proud parent to take pictures at the Senior Prom, go out to dinner with her, do each other’s hair, laugh at goofy movies, ride horses with her, take pictures, and make every holiday special.

The Fruit of Her Labor

One thing my daughter knew; I loved her.  She was more important than my job, my friends, my home, my money, or my comfort.

I did work at the schools.  I was a sub almost every day.  It didn’t pay a lot, but we got by.  We had arguments, and I cried a lot.  I found myself grinding my teeth, had heart palpitations, and missed my friends tremendously.  But, what I got in return was a relationship with my daughter that will last into eternity.  We have a love and a bond that, with God’s grace, will weather any storm.  She trusts me, and I believe in her.  God redeemed what might have been lost forever.  I am so grateful for that still small voice that said “go”, and that I went.

Linda & Kelly on one of their recent travels.

I don’t know what obstacle is holding you back from the relationship God wants you to have with someone you love.  But, I do know He wants to redeem it, to restore it, and make it flourish.

I live back in Seattle now, my daughter and I visit each other, we are traveling buddies, and talk often.  Saying “yes” to Montana was “the best thing I’ve ever done!”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Linda Reed is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Professional Coach.  Her education, 19 years of experience, and her own healing journey give her empathy, compassion, and insight with her clients.  Well-known for her energy and professionalism,  Linda’s workshops inspire people with tools that give hope to life.  Topics include difficult conversations and setting limits with love.  For more information about Linda, check out lindajreed.com or contact her at stepbystepwithlindareed@gmail.com.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note from Ardis ~ Thank you Linda for sharing your beautiful story of obedience and restoration as you took risks and invested in your daughter. I have been blessed by your walk of faith.

I’m still slowly making progress on my memoir for NaNoWriMo.  Don’t miss a surprise guest blogger lined up for Thanksgiving Day!

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by ardisanelson on November 17, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 17, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/11/17/the-best-thing-ive-ever-done-by-linda-j-reed-guest-post/

Using Our Weaknesses

When I started this month of literary abandon, I was nervous I’d embarrass myself and come nowhere near the 50,000 word count that qualifies a NaNoWriMo participant as a winner.   After 11 days, I’ve definitely given up any expectation of writing 50,000 words.  But I haven’t given up the quest.

I am being immersed daily in my memoir, even if I’m not physically writing it.  My mind is on it. I’m pondering the events of my past.  I’m looking for themes in my life and considering which events make the most sense to tie together.  I’m listening to recorded interviews, researching historical information online and talking to family who can help me fill in the gaps.  It’s been a very interesting and healing process.

Coincidences?

For instance, I don’t think it is a coincidence that I am considering medication for my ADD/ADHD after white-knuckling it for so long.  I never would’ve considered taking medication before the healing of my mother wounds.  It was too frightening to me.  In my mind, it was like admitting I was mentally ill.  The stigma was too great.

Times have changed and medicine has advanced tremendously since the time when my mother was given electro convulsive therapy (shock treatment) for her schizophrenia in the 1960s.  Taking medication doesn’t mean defeat or that I am crazy.  Sometimes it is necessary.  I’m finding out how people with schizophrenia and other mental disorders can lead successful careers and make significant contributions to society.  In fact, I recently heard that Bill Gates, George Bush and Steve Arterburn have ADD.  How’s that for good company?

As I pondered these ‘coincidences’ in my life, I sensed God lay a new memoir title on my heart.  It stems from a post I wrote on the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog a few weeks ago, “Emerging from the Cocoon”.  Since the first day when I saw the butterfly on the draft book cover, I knew it was the perfect picture to symbolize my emotional and spiritual transformation.

When We Are Weak…He Is Strong

I’ve given my testimony many times at Celebrate Recovery meetings and spoke openly about my healing journey.  I’m no stranger to sharing my weaknesses and in fact God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  However, what brought me to my knees and into recovery over eight years ago had nothing to do with my mother wounds.

I never thought I’d be publicly known or speak about my mother’s mental illness.  My shame was too great around it and my fears of my own sanity lied precariously on the edge at times.  But now, I know God wants to use the pain of my mother’s mental illness to help others turn healing into hope.  My biggest fear in my identity has been removed and is the foundation from which I can openly speak and connect with others.  It is the compassion and sensitivity—the transformation of my heart—that leads me to write and pursue more of His amazing grace.

So it is with that sense of gratitude and awe that I am digging into my memoir this month with a new working title, “Emerging from the Cocoon: One Woman’s Struggle to Overcome a Legacy of Mental Illness”.  I’m embracing this new season of life and the wonders that God continues to reveal to me as I boldly follow Him.

What’s the theme of your life?  Is God calling you to use your weakness for His glory?  I’d love to hear your comments.

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by ardisanelson on November 13, 2012  •  Permalink
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Posted by ardisanelson on November 13, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/11/13/using-our-weaknesses/

NaNoWriMo–I’m Diving In!

If someone asked you how long you thought it would take to write a book, how would you answer?  Six months?  A year?  Two years?  What would you think if someone told you they were going to write a book in 30 days?  Would you think they were crazy?

That’s what I thought a year ago when I first heard of National Novel Writing Month, NaNoWriMo for short.  I couldn’t fathom what would motivate a person to do such a thing.  Yet one year later, I am registered to participate in this writing free-for-all along with thousands of other writers around the world (9,500 in Seattle alone)!

November 1 kicks off the start of National Novel Writing Month.  The tag line on NaNoWriMo.org is “Thirty days and nights of literary abandon”.  Abandon means to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation.  That is a scary prospect—to write with that sort of intensity for a month.  The goal is to write 50,000 words in 30 days.  That averages out to 1,667 words per day.

Why would I decide to take on such a big project at this juncture of my writing career?  I need a deadline to get me moving on my next book project.  I’ve been so busy with the release of my story in Journeys to Mother Love this year that my memoir has been on hold.  (If you follow my story, you know that my trip to Spain next summer is a big piece of the writing.  I want to get a skeletal draft of the book done before then.)

Help Along the Way

Thankfully, I will not be alone in this endeavor.  There is a huge online community of other “NaNo” writers.  Last year there were 256,618 participants and 36,843 crossed the finish line.  Finishers get a winner certificate–a hard earned award and coveted milestone on their writing resume.  That is a huge accomplishment.  Win or “lose”, I’ll be further along on my project than I am now.

NaNoWriMo.org is full of tips and support for this month long undertaking.  The main one I have embraced is telling everyone that I am doing this.  The theory behind doing so is to motivate us to avoid humiliation if we don’t cross the finish line with 50,000 words.  That’s a sobbering thought.

I think more than the possible embarrassment of not completing NaNoWriMo is the regret I would feel for not having tried this.  And that brings me to the best piece of advice I’ve found yet; do this for yourself.  So that is what I am doing.  I will be pouring a labor of love into myself this month.  I am searching for the nuggets that need to be called out of my story to share.  I am getting in touch with lost parts of my identity.  I am writing to share the hope and encouragement that following Jesus brings into the deepest parts of our soul.

Letting Go of All Expectations

So if NaNoWriMo is the vehicle I need to get me off the fence, then I’m all in.  I imagine it will turn my life upside down for the next 30 days—including Thanksgiving and my birthday.  I’m telling my friends to not expect to see me, but to pray for me.  I will need lots of encouragement.  (I hear week 2 is especially hard.)

In preparation for this dedicated writing, I have lined up some guest bloggers to fill in for me.  These women have all expressed an interest in writing and blogging.  They have been a source of encouragement to me along my writing path.  I know you will enjoy their stories and what they have to say about how they walk out their faith.

My newest writing prop. All set to write 50,000 words in 30 days.

Other than that I have no idea if I will do an occasional post, do updates on Facebook or just fast from all social media and other possible distractions.  I’m trying to let go of all expectations.

Tomorrow, I am taking my next big leap of faith.  As I do the words to “Dive”, a song by Steven Curtis Chapman, are running through my mind.  Like the song says, “sink or swim, I’m diving in”.

Wish me luck, send me notes of encouragement, or better yet, pray that regardless of how many words I complete over the next 30 days that I stay in touch with the bigger purpose that I believe God is calling me too—and that I do it one day at a time.

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by ardisanelson on October 31, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 31, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/10/31/nanowrimo-im-diving-in/

Necessary Endings

I am a huge fan of the published works and teachings of Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  One time when Pedro was in my office after I started writing, he told me I should write books like theirs’.  I laughed.  “Never in a million years”, I said, or something similar indicating how unlikely that would be.  He saw all of their books lining a shelf over my desk and said, “You could make lots of money.”  I laughed again.

Dr. Henry Cloud, author, speaker, leadership consultant & clinical psychologist

While I don’t see myself ever writing books like theirs, my writing is a reflection of their spiritual and emotional teaching.  After many months of on again-off again reading, I finally finished Dr. Cloud’s most recent book, “Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward”.  The title didn’t exactly compel me to read it.  After all, who wants to actively look at ending relationships and such?  It sounds like pulling teeth.

What caught my eye was the phrase “in order to move forward”.  Let’s face it, how many of us are stuck in a rut?  How many of us are repeating the same things over and over again expecting a different result?  That is the definition of insanity.

What this book helped me with was to normalize endings more in my life.  I don’t give things up easily.  I want to make sure I’ve given it every opportunity to succeed—after all, the Bible tells us in Romans 5:4 that perseverance builds character.  That doesn’t mean we should suffer for sufferings sake though. This book helped me to evaluate when initiating an end makes sense.

Dr. Cloud shares valuable insights on the difference between wishful thinking and hope.  Often times we hold on to something or someone because we think there is hope, but really it is only wishful thinking.  I love how Dr. Cloud gives the reader sound advice on these tough decisions.  The bottom line is that in order to end well, we need to be ready to move on and we need to grieve those endings.

I recently witnessed a great example of this principle in action.  When a non-profit made the decision to close down its operations, they invited everyone close to the ministry to participate in a farewell celebration.  The ministry was ending, but they took the time to celebrate their accomplishments and successes.  Some of these people will continue to gather and serve corporately even though the physical status of the ministry is closed.  This was a valuable meeting as it allowed the participants to get closure and, as Dr. Cloud mentioned in his book, to metabolize the grief.

I have had some difficult but necessary endings in my life this year—from work to ministry to relationships.  None of them were easy, but I learned a great deal about myself in the process.  As these situations were removed from my life, it also allowed new and better things to enter and grow.  I had to be willing to enter into the process though.

Endings are a normal part of life.  King Solomon, in all his infinite wisdom, left us with one of the most famous scripture passages about endings in Ecclesiastes 3.

The sooner we learn to embrace endings and move forward the healthier we will be—physically, emotionally and spiritually.  “Necessary Endings” by Dr. Henry Cloud is a great resource to help with that goal.

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by ardisanelson on October 26, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Spiritual Growth
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Posted by ardisanelson on October 26, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/10/26/necessary-endings/

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