Thanksgiving Beyond America

Ever since working through my 12 steps for my recovery issues eight years ago, I have adopted an attitude of gratitude in my life—not just on Thanksgiving, but every day. One of the things I am most grateful for over the past few years is my relationship with Pedro and his Spanish family. For Thanksgiving (and as a gift for my birthday—also Thanksgiving day), Pedro has agreed to share his Thanksgiving thoughts from the perspective of a Spaniard.

Ardis:  When was the first time you came to America and what was your impression?

Pedro & his parents in New York, 2009

Pedro:  I came to America for the first time in 2009 for Easter. I went with my parents and some friends to New York, and we all had such a good impression of this country. I could not say why, but we all thought exactly the same thing: Europeans and Americans are different, but we have a lot in common.

Ardis:  And then you returned?

Pedro:  Yes, that summer I went to L.A. to spend a month learning English. My visit to L.A. confirmed that my first thoughts about America were true. This is why I decided to return the next year, and I had the good luck to meet the Nelson family: Ardis, Curt, Evan and Cameron.

We spent a wonderful month travelling through Washington State, and sharing our cultures in a wonderful process. In the next year, when I returned, they had an amazing present for my 18th birthday: a recording session in a studio. We shared another wonderful month and we have continued keeping in touch.

Ardis:  Yes, thanks to the internet, keeping in touch has been very easy. Why is studying in America or learning English so important to you?

Pedro:  Now that the world is globalized, it is required for almost every company to know English. In Spain there are hundreds of international companies which use English as their first language. I’m studying Law and Business Administration, so it is especially important for me to have a good English level. This is why I took English classes since I was 8 years old or studying abroad in Ireland, L.A. or Seattle.

One of the best things about studying abroad is the possibility to immerse yourself in another culture. You have a different experience meeting new people, new places…and when you return home, you start perceiving how different everything is. It is a strange feeling.

Ardis:  That sounds exciting Pedro! I can hardly wait to experience that for myself next summer when I visit Spain*. What about life in Spain? Americans hear in the media how bad things are with the economy in Spain and Europe overall. How does that affect you and your daily life?

Pedro:  Things are very bad here in Europe. Spain and Greece have the worse economy of all countries in the world. It is believed that we will not fully recover to our 2008, pre-crisis economy, for many years. Fortunately, I live in an area where the crisis’ impact is not very hard. In my family there are 4 people who lost their jobs. So, while I don’t feel the Spanish economic woes in my daily life, I notice its effect in my environment.

Ardis:  Does Spain celebrate a similar day of giving thanks?

Pedro:  In Spain this day doesn’t exist, but we all know it is good to remember what gifts we have received and their meaning.

Ardis:  Now that you have such strong family connections in America, how would you reflect on this American holiday?

Pedro:  Thanksgiving Day is a very special day where we have to stop from our daily life and look for what things we are thankful for. When I look back because of the Thanksgiving Day, I cannot say anything but how thankful I am. It makes me realize how lucky I am to be born in a wonderful family, to have the possibility to study what I like, to have met the Nelson family…there is a very long list, so I don´t want to bore the reader. This is why I thank God for giving me this wonderful life around wonderful people. I only can suggest that because of this day, everyone should try to be grateful.

Ardis:  Well said, Pedro.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts with America!

Pedro & Ardis in the recording studio, July 2011

I hope you enjoyed this interview with a cross-cultural perspective. I know my life has been enriched and expanded by having a relationship with a family 5,300 miles across the globe.

Last year for my birthday, Pedro wrote me a song.  I also celebrated my first birthday since my mother passed with friends who have prayed for me on my ‘journey to mother love’.  I will leave you with a music video from that day combined with Pedro’s beautiful song, Ardis’s Song (click link). Pedro’s music is just one of the many things I am grateful for.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 136.1 (NIV)

*I did experience the cultural differences, food, places, and people that Pedro referenced in the summer of 2013. To read about my first-hand experiences in Spain, check out Adjusting to Life in Spain or The Spanish Lifestyle.

Using Our Weaknesses

When I started this month of literary abandon, I was nervous I’d embarrass myself and come nowhere near the 50,000 word count that qualifies a NaNoWriMo participant as a winner.   After 11 days, I’ve definitely given up any expectation of writing 50,000 words.  But I haven’t given up the quest.

I am being immersed daily in my memoir, even if I’m not physically writing it.  My mind is on it. I’m pondering the events of my past.  I’m looking for themes in my life and considering which events make the most sense to tie together.  I’m listening to recorded interviews, researching historical information online and talking to family who can help me fill in the gaps.  It’s been a very interesting and healing process.

Coincidences?

For instance, I don’t think it is a coincidence that I am considering medication for my ADD/ADHD after white-knuckling it for so long.  I never would’ve considered taking medication before the healing of my mother wounds.  It was too frightening to me.  In my mind, it was like admitting I was mentally ill.  The stigma was too great.

Times have changed and medicine has advanced tremendously since the time when my mother was given electro convulsive therapy (shock treatment) for her schizophrenia in the 1960s.  Taking medication doesn’t mean defeat or that I am crazy.  Sometimes it is necessary.  I’m finding out how people with schizophrenia and other mental disorders can lead successful careers and make significant contributions to society.  In fact, I recently heard that Bill Gates, George Bush and Steve Arterburn have ADD.  How’s that for good company?

As I pondered these ‘coincidences’ in my life, I sensed God lay a new memoir title on my heart.  It stems from a post I wrote on the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog a few weeks ago, “Emerging from the Cocoon”.  Since the first day when I saw the butterfly on the draft book cover, I knew it was the perfect picture to symbolize my emotional and spiritual transformation.

When We Are Weak…He Is Strong

I’ve given my testimony many times at Celebrate Recovery meetings and spoke openly about my healing journey.  I’m no stranger to sharing my weaknesses and in fact God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  However, what brought me to my knees and into recovery over eight years ago had nothing to do with my mother wounds.

I never thought I’d be publicly known or speak about my mother’s mental illness.  My shame was too great around it and my fears of my own sanity lied precariously on the edge at times.  But now, I know God wants to use the pain of my mother’s mental illness to help others turn healing into hope.  My biggest fear in my identity has been removed and is the foundation from which I can openly speak and connect with others.  It is the compassion and sensitivity—the transformation of my heart—that leads me to write and pursue more of His amazing grace.

So it is with that sense of gratitude and awe that I am digging into my memoir this month with a new working title, “Emerging from the Cocoon: One Woman’s Struggle to Overcome a Legacy of Mental Illness”.  I’m embracing this new season of life and the wonders that God continues to reveal to me as I boldly follow Him.

What’s the theme of your life?  Is God calling you to use your weakness for His glory?  I’d love to hear your comments.

Time Out for a Blog Tour

For the past week I’ve been devoting daily time to working on my memoir as part of the 50,000 word challenge of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).  However, a few days ago, I was reminded of my commitment to participate in my publisher’s blog tour for Journeys to Mother Love.  Decisions, decisions!

What’s a Blog Tour?

A blog tour is an opportunity for authors to interact with bloggers and readers of their book online.  As part of this blog tour, scheduled Nov. 8-12, Journeys to Mother Love is being reviewed by bloggers across the United States.  Each of the contributing authors in Journeys to Mother Love has been invited to comment on these blogs and engage the readers.  We were also interviewed in advance and our responses have been published on “Journeys to Mother Love” blog.  It’s just one of the benefits that the internet can provide authors and readers—ease of access to an audience from anywhere in the world.

Along with the literary responses and communication, Cladach is offering book giveaways.  You can enter by “liking” their Facebook page, following the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog or commenting on a blog post or the Facebook blog tour event page.  You can also enter (you get 3 entries) by sharing your story on the book blog.  (I’ve heard lots of positive responses to this book and how people are connecting to the stories, so dive right in by sharing yours!)

In addition to all that, the Kindle e-book version of Journeys to Mother Love will be free on Amazon.com November 8-10!

Support of my Writing

With this temporary diversion comes the possibility of increased traffic to my website and blog as well as new subscribers.  It’s a welcome sacrifice of writing time to invest in my platform and building relationship with others. After all, that is why I felt called to do this in the first place—to share the story of God’s healing power when we step out of our comfort zone and surrender to His will.

So I am diverted for a few days, but will be immersed in my writing again soon.  It’s all good.  It’s all for God, so I’m ok with that.

I hope you will participate in the blog event over the next several days.  Please share this post on Facebook, Twitter or whatever social media sites you regularly use (click an icon below to share).  If you download the free e-book, please shoot me an email at info@ardisanelson.com to let me know your thoughts or feedback on “Walking My Mother Home” (Chapter 8).  As a bonus to anyone who directly responds to me about the book, I will send links to two music videos based on the story with the music of Pedro González Arbona, the Spanish young man who is also part of the story.

Lastly, if you haven’t already done so, I’d love to add you to the list of people who are interested in following this story or are looking for a place to turn healing into hope.  You can subscribe to my blog by adding your email address and clicking the “Follow” button on the upper right hand corner of this page.  Or click “Like” to follow my writings on Facebook (upper right).

Thanks for your interest and visiting my blog today.  It’s not an accident that you are here.  And please do enjoy the literary event sponsored by Cladach Publishing.  Click this link for more information about Cladach’s “Fall Book Fling”.

Like, like, like, and hope to connect with you on the tour this week.

Reclaiming the True You

Last year at this time, I attended an all-day workshop developed by Tamara J. Buchan, an author and friend.  The material she shared from her book, “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You” was so significant to me, I ended up partnering with her on the book marketing team for a short time before she moved to California.

The identity breakthroughs I had at the workshop changed my life.  I left the workshop empowered to do the unthinkable—to write a book.  Within a few months my short story, “Walking My Mother Home”, was accepted by Cladach Publishing.  The book is still a work in progress.  You can read about my identity breakthroughs in an interview Tamara wrote on her blog at tamarabuchan.com.

Tamara and I at the book launch for “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You”, March 2012

Tamara’s book, “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You” takes readers through an identity journey which starts with our true purpose and moves to God’s invitation to become his adopted child in the  family of God.  Throughout the book, Tamara challenges us to change our minds about our true identity and to not accept the “orphaned” status that we so often cling to in our daily lives.

Each chapter reveals key principles that help to breakdown the internal barriers and lies we believe about ourselves.  At the end of each chapter, Tamara provides reflection topics and hands-on experiences that help to integrate the teaching through our minds and into our hearts.

I love how the last chapter reviews key points from the previous chapters.  It ties all of the identity roles together and ends with a call to action.  When I reviewed the various identities, it was confirmation of how I’ve been walking out my new identity and re-purposed my writing and speaking for Him.

Tamara’s words in the book are not just words on the page.  They are an invitation to living life differently—to not remain stuck in our heads or full of doubt.  It is an invitation to move forward and live our lives as God designed.

Having worked with and been mentored by Tamara has given me a unique firsthand perspective to witness how Tamara lives her life by these principles.  I have seen Tamara cling to her identity no matter what the circumstances might be.  In the face of life’s unpleasant and painful circumstances, I too, want to be able to stand tall and still declare my identity in Christ.

I was blessed to be able to attend one of Tamara’s workshops as well as read the book.  Earlier this year, Tamara moved from the Seattle area to the San Francisco area.  She is a gifted speaker and holds retreats, workshops, and speaking events that revolve around the spiritual truths in her book.

Regardless of where you are on your spiritual journey, as a long time follower of Christ or a new Believer, I highly recommend reading Tamara’s book, “Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You”.  Her book will challenge you to start thinking differently and to break free from the bonds that are holding you back from becoming all that God designed you to be.

For an Audience of One

I’ve been blogging for over a year now.  It’s not such a big feat, but for me it was the next step I needed to take to flex my writing muscle.  Just when I think I’m finding my voice and feeling more comfortable with my writing, I find myself getting caught up in what others think or what a blog is “supposed” to look like.  Self-doubt can creep in so insidiously.

The truth is that most people don’t follow any hard and fast rules to blogging—unless they want to take their writing seriously.  In today’s publishing industry, blogging is a way to prove to potential publishers that you have a “following” or as Michael Hyatt calls it, a “tribe.”  A large tribe equates into potential book sales and that motivates a publisher to take note of your manuscript.  Of course good writing is also key to getting noticed.

So why am I mentioning this on my blog?  It’s because I feel stuck on how to continue blogging.  In the months preceding the publishing of my story in “Journeys to Mother Love,” I pursued getting a domain name and developing my website.  That was when I realized I needed to brand my name, my image, my site, etc.  I hired Athena Dean from Book Jolt, to help with that process.

When Athena asked me what my passion was and what I wanted to write about, my answer was easy.  I love hearing and seeing how God transforms lives when people learn to trust Him and embrace deep healing.  Evangelism isn’t my gift.  It’s facilitating spiritual growth and encouraging people to walk through their pain to the other side of wholeness.  So we brainstormed on taglines and came up with “Where Healing Turns to Hope”.  (Thank you Athena!  That was worth every penny.)

The only problem now is that I am second guessing if my writing is really conveying that message.  I love the exchange of deep spiritual insights and sharing struggles at a heart level.  I am not embarrassed to share my own painful struggles, doubts or neediness.  The question is how much to share on a public blog.

Don’t be tempted by the allure of an audience.

In finding my voice should I deliberately write for affect or strip my spiritual candor to potentially draw a tribe?  Should I always write deep introspective posts that align with my branding?  “Where Healing Turns to Hope” doesn’t have to imply deep spiritual revelation or intense healing.  It’s about being a light in my words and deeds so that others may see Jesus as the author of healing and hope.

My voice is one of thousands of bloggers who have been redeemed and restored to our true identity in Christ—not perfect, but embracing our brokenness and moving forward one day at a time.  When I start to question my voice, the size of my tribe, my “likes” on Facebook and such, I am letting my pride get the best of me and going against the heart transformation that Christ has done in me.

In my recent period of questioning and doubting the direction of my blog, the Lord has graciously reminded me that “He is enough for me.”  When I look to a tribe for validation of my writing, mistakenly defining that as “fruit”, He gently whispers that “I am the fruit” of His labor.  So with that kind of encouragement to continue blogging, I know that I am really blogging for an audience of One—and I’m very grateful for that.

Celebrating Our Milestones

My definition of family has expanded greatly over the last few years and now includes Pedro’s family, the young man we hosted from Spain in the summer of 2010.  My whole world has expanded as a result of participating in the Education First international exchange program.  Mostly thanks to Pedro and his mother, Rosa, I’ve learned much about Spain—its culture, food, economy, music, and more.

On top of that, are the simple pleasures in celebrating life’s milestones together—the good and the bad.  Since meeting Pedro, we have mourned the loss of both families’ maternal grandmothers and the passing of my father this past summer.  We celebrated his high school graduation, the recording and creation of his CD of original piano compositions, and his acceptance at a Spanish university where he studies law and business administration.

When Pedro turned 18 last year, we heard about some of his “coming-of-age” milestones, like legally being able to drink and to vote.  He proudly sent a photo displaying his voter certificate as proof that he voted in the Spanish presidential elections last fall.

Pedro’s new car

Last week, Pedro marked another rite of passage—passing his driving exam and getting his driver’s license.  This was quite an achievement for him since he took the exam multiple times—a common occurrence in Spain due to the extreme level of difficulty.  Pedro sent videos of him and his family picking up his new car at the dealership and driving home.  It was an unexpected surprise and a delight to witness this first in his life.

As with so many of Pedro’s milestones, he wrote a song to commemorate it.  A year ago he wrote “Drive” (click link to hear the song), in anticipation of his learning to drive.  Now that goal is a reality. (“Drive” © 2011 Pedro González Arbona)

Celebrating our milestones via video, photos, music and Skype has certainly connected us, although we are 5,300 miles apart.  It is the next best thing to being there.

I enjoy celebrating life’s milestones with my extended family and others who have journeyed this road to wholeness with me.  Watching the videos of Pedro’s milestone reminded me of the many blessings I have had in my life since his arrival in our home.  Last fall, when I had a significant birthday celebration, Rosa and Pedro joined in via Skype.  I wrote about this celebration on the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog.

The physical expansion of my family has expanded my whole world perspective.  It has taken me beyond my local sphere of influence to a global sphere of influence—one that will include a monumental trip to Europe next summer.  In the meantime, I am continuing to celebrate life’s milestones along the way.

I encourage you to celebrate and commemorate the milestones in your life—no matter how big or small.  We can cling to these milestones, along with God’s Word, when times are rough.

“Journeys to Mother Love” Book Launch

The last month has been a whirlwind of activities, culminating with the launch of Journeys to Mother Love, Cladach Publishing, at my Open House last weekend.  The emotions and the stress have been pretty intense.

Also during this month my son transitioned to a new high school, I began a new treatment plan for my ADHD, covered staff vacancies at my husband’s office, and bid farewell to the ministry leader I’ve served with for the last year.  No wonder my body is tired and my mind seems a bit mushy.  So it shouldn’t be a surprise that my writing, including this blog, has been on hold.

The Open House and Book Signing was truly magical for me.  As odd as it may sound, it reminded me of my father’s memorial service a few months ago.  I gave the eulogy and felt wholly unequipped to do so.  But somehow God showed up and anointed my words.  And that is exactly what happened last weekend too.

I spent hours creating the publicity documents, personally inviting friends and creating audio/visual segments for the program.  But when my head hit the pillow in the early morning hours on the day of the event, I didn’t know what I was going to say.  I do work well under a deadline, but that was really cutting it short.  I prayed and trusted that God was going to make it all work out, and He did!

When I awoke, I felt surprisingly alert, fresh and ready to write the program.  My prayers were answered that morning as God seemed to piece it all together in my mind.  There was no time to type it up or to practice.  I jotted some notes down on paper and made a B-line for the event.

I felt calm and at ease as I shared with everyone the key pieces of this story—interwoven with videos accompanied by Pedro’s original piano compositions.  (Pedro González Arbona is my Spanish son who is a key character in the published story.)  The response to the event was extremely positive.  I felt blessed and affirmed to start on this next season of writing and speaking.  I know that these things wouldn’t be possible without the love and encouragement I have received from friends and family along the way.  I am very grateful to them.

My mother has been physically gone for almost two years, but as I wrote in “Walking My Mother Home”, I lost her emotionally over forty years ago.  I still have a few moments when I get caught up in the loss of never really knowing my mother as a person—like when I see or hear about my friends connecting with their daughters—but the journey I’ve been on to wholeness these past two years has led to such amazing peace and joy in my own identity.  And it was with that sense of awe and wonder at how God can turn our healing into hope that I celebrated the launch of Journeys to Mother Love last week.

Since many of you couldn’t attend the Open House, I’m including the video below I created from the event.  I think you’ll agree that it was joyful.  In time I will share the other videos and soundtrack to the story.  Pedro surprised me with the song, “The Launch,” a few days before the event.  I hope you enjoy this lovely composition used with the video.  Thanks for following me on this journey to wholeness.

Where has God turned your healing into hope?  Where has God redeemed your pain and made you whole?  I’d love to hear your story or comments on the video.

Walking My Father Home, Part 2

Walking My Father Home, Part 1

Having my story, “Walking My Mother Home”, published last month has been such a blessing. Even greater has been the connection of that story to the passing of my father, which led to further healing. Above is Part 1 of the story, “Walking My Father Home”, from the “Journeys to Mother Love” blog (journeystomotherlove.com).

 

ardisanelson's avatarJourneys To Mother Love

My father died at the age of 94, just six weeks before “Journeys to Mother Love” was released. I had hoped he would be able to see the finished book before he passed, but that didn’t happen.

Dad was of the generation that didn’t ever discuss emotions or shower people with compliments. Matters of family were best kept to ourselves. And although he openly shared the stories of his life with anyone in earshot, he definitely didn’t have any desire to have his stories published.

Years before I ever had the thought of becoming a writer, I tried to get my father to document his stories on the computer. I even bought him a book about how to leave a written legacy for our family. He wanted no part of that. Instead he appointed me family historian. I took notes of our conversations and recorded our talks.

His health deteriorated…

View original post 294 more words

Sharing Our Stories in Community

Journeys to Mother Love was released a week ago and I’m already starting to get responses from people who have read my story, “Walking My Mother Home”.  At times it is overwhelming to hear how friends cried as they read it or couldn’t put the story down.

Sharing the blessing with Janet.

I’ve been so stressed with preparing for the launch, that I haven’t had much down time or time to reflect on all of this.  Then in the midst of my day I get a call, text or email from someone I know that puts it all into perspective for me.

It is a blessing in so many ways.  First, it is a privilege to write what I believe God has called me to write and have people respond to it.  Second, writing the story was very healing for me personally.  Third, others are being inspired or touched by the story as well.

When I found out that the book was going to have a blog, journeystomotherlove.com, for the authors to contribute and to connect with readers, I was thrilled.  I know the value of sharing our stories in community, as this is a vital part of Celebrate Recovery, a Christian 12-step program where I serve in ministry.  Testimonies are inspiring and leave me with a desire to spread the word of hope and healing through Jesus Christ that this program offers.

The blog that accompanies the book is a great way for readers to connect with the authors stories or to share their own stories.  It brings a whole new dimension to reading the book—hopefully inspiring people and providing a positive place for connection—and to multiply the blessings.

So a few days ago, when I read and was touched by Catherine Lawton’s story, “When I Feel Forsaken”, I was compelled to pay the blessing forward.  Click this link, “Journeys to Mother Love” to read that blog post.

I hope you will join me in community at journeystomotherlove.com.  It’s going to be a great place to garner encouragement and be blessed on your journey to relationship healing.  Or if you’ve read “Walking My Mother Home”, you can comment below or contact me privately at info@ardisanelson.com.  In any case, let us know what you think.

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    I'm an author, writer, speaker, mentor & mom. I've struggled to find my voice all my life as I lived in the shadows of a mother with mental illness. Thankfully that was not the legacy that she handed down to me. It took a lot of recovery and deep healing work to rise above it.

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