A Tribute to Mom, Part 3 – The Music & the Musician

My mother, JoAnn, loved music and gave me a love for it as well. Neither one of us could read music or play an instrument, but we both had large phonographic record collections (ouch, that dates me). We also love to dance and sing, although I reserve those times for Sunday morning worship (when I can bury my voice in the crowd) or in the privacy of my own home.

When Pedro, the Spanish young man mentioned in “Walking My Mother Home”, started playing the piano in our home, it awakened in me my buried love of the same kinds of music that my mother loved, soundtracks from films such as “The Sound of Music” and “The Sting”, to name a few. Unbeknownst to me, Pedro was interspersing some of his own original piano compositions as well.

Phonograph record & turntable

In January 2011, one month before my mother died, Pedro surprised my family by sending us a video of “Seattle”, a song he wrote and dedicated to us. That was the first I knew of his composing. This led to my taking Pedro into a recording studio for his 18th birthday to produce his first CD, “Introducing Pedro González Arbona“.

Pedro has become quite an accomplished and prolific composer over the past two years. He has composed dozens of songs and his music is now available online. (If you regularly follow my blog, this is not news to you.) What is news though is that Pedro’s music was recently noticed by a Spanish film production company who has hired him to compose a score for a short film.

“Walking My Mother Home” Soundtrack

Since Pedro’s desire is to compose movie scores, it is only natural that he would compose music that goes along with the story between our families. He has composed two beautiful songs, “JoAnn’s Song” and “Ardis’s Song”, which I have made into short videos. The videos (click the links below) compliment my story, “Walking My Mother Home”, published in Journeys to Mother Love.

JoAnn’s Song: The story of the three trips back home to St. Louis to see my mother.
Ardis’s Song: The story of my mother’s funeral ending with my revelations and identity breakthrough.

Pedro rests at the 9-foot Steinway, The Piano Studio, Seattle, July 2011.

Pedro’s music has become an integral part of my life since my mother died two years ago. Not only has he written songs for me and my mother, he has also written tributes to my recently deceased father (Van’s Requiem-click link to listen) and Carmen, his grandmother (Bubu-click link to listen), who passed away a few weeks before my mother.

The Fruit of My Labor

It a tremendous gift to watch this young man’s musical talent bloom and grow. It was fertilized in my home over two years ago. Like investing in Rosa, Pedro’s mother, as we prepared for the passing of our mothers, I also invested in Pedro. Both of these people investments have born great fruit. They have transformed my heart. And now JoAnn and Carmen are dancing to a new beat together in heaven.

Someday Pedro’s music will be on the big screen. I’ll be there to applaud his debut with eyes beaming and tears streaming. Until then, I’m learning to be content in receiving electronic music files of his compositions and partnering with him on his music dreams from 5,300 miles across the world.

If you enjoyed Pedro’s music, please help this aspiring young international artist build an audience and get noticed by clicking the link to like his Facebook page, “Pedro González Arbona”, or share a comment below about his music or the videos.

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on February 15, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, Pedro's Musical Pursuits, Relationships & Family

Tagged Christianity, family, following your dreams, friendship, gifts, heaven, Journeys to Mother Love, music, My Spanish Connection, Pedro Gonzalez Arbona, piano compositions, Rosa, saying goodbye, Seattle, Spain, The Piano Studio - Seattle

Posted by ardisanelson on February 15, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/02/15/a-tribute-to-mom-part-3-the-music-the-musician/

A Tribute to Mom, Part 2 – Her Final Gift

When I started writing for a public audience, I knew that many of my initial writings and journal would potentially become published. They were the basis for much of what I wrote in my story “Walking My Mother Home”, published in Journeys to Mother Love. One year after the acceptance of that story by Cladach Publishing, and to mark the anniversary of my mother’s passing, I have decided to publically share her eulogy (unedited) as I gave it two years ago today.

It is longer than my normal blog posts, but I hope you’ll indulge me this sentimental opportunity to more publically honor my mother for the sacrifice her life became so that I would be free from the legacy of mental illness. It was her final gift to me and for that I am incredibly grateful.

Giving the eulogy Mom’s Memorial Service, February 2011.

And These Were the Words I Spoke

When I think about how my mom impacted my life and the legacy she left me, a variety of things come to mind, some more significant than others. They have all made me the woman I am today.

I’ll start by sharing a little bit about my favorite times with my mother. I have many pleasant childhood memories of us living in the Pacific Northwest. I fell in love with that part of the country as a child and returned to it a few years after I got married. It has been my home ever since.

When I was young, my family had a trailer and we spent most of our summer weekends at a beautiful state park in Western Washington where I learned how to swim. After we moved to Portland, we would take the trailer to the Oregon coast. This is where I hope to scatter her remains.

I have many pleasant memories of her taking us to the beach or to the pool while my father and brother John were out on the boat. My favorite meal on those trips was always the fresh fried Rainbow Trout. As an adult I have visited these beautiful places with my children. Unfortunately, we don’t fish or camp, but I want them to sense the beauty of these majestic places. Thank you, Mom, for those joyful memories.

My mom gave me my sense of style—always looking for a trinket to accessorize an outfit or to decorate my home. When her wardrobe turned to hospital type gowns I bought her some scarves to accessorize them so she could have something feminine and special to show off her beauty and individual style. And today one of those scarves is adorning the flowers.

She also gave me my love of photographs. I have about 95 pictures lining both sides of the hallway in my home—each school picture of my kids and various family or vacation photos. I love to take pictures and don’t go very far without my camera. In fact, my favorite gift to give or receive is a photograph. I think this ties in well with the sensitive side that I got from my mother. I used to think I was too sensitive, but now I know that God uniquely wired me this way and it is a gift—something I share with my mother.

Keepsake with final remains.

The most significant impact my mom had on me was instilling in me the love of Jesus. She was a practicing Catholic and took us to mass and catechism classes every Sunday. As a young child, I don’t think I enjoyed attending the mass very much. It seemed long and boring. I didn’t understand it. I do have fond memories though of the church changing to a ‘folk mass’ format during those years and really liking that.

When my parent’s marriage started to deteriorate, I also fondly remember the priest, Father Bertram, from the parish taking special interest in us kids. He would take us out roller skating or to the carnival. He made us feel very loved.

I left the Catholic Church as a teen and had many years when my faith was pretty non-existent. Throughout those years, my mom would send me letters with her prayers for me and my family. All of those prayers were answered when I found my way back to the Lord about 12 years ago.

Today I am forever grateful to her for planting those seeds of faith in me and not giving up on me. I have a passion for Christ and His ability to transform us if we surrender to His will. Thank you, Mom. It is because of your faithfulness that I will join you someday in eternity.

Lastly, I want to share with you my gratitude to God for how he so perfectly ordained the last 18 months of my mother’s life. My mother had a major stroke that left her partially paralyzed and barely able to speak. It was a miracle that she survived that stroke. I believe it was the intercessory prayer of my Aunt Mary, my mother’s sister, that kept her alive so I could see her again.

Since that time we made some very difficult decisions including the decision to put her on a feeding tube. There were many times that I questioned that decision. Thankfully though that decision was what opened up the opportunity for me and my brothers, John and Glen, to all see my mom. We had that family reunion in December 2009. I have been blessed with the opportunity to see my mom three times since that stroke. Each time I was able to serve her and love on her in a way that I had never been able to in the past. These trips were incredibly difficult for me, yet extremely rewarding and joyful at the same time.

Then six months ago, my family opened our home to an exchange student from Madrid. Our families became fast friends and like family too. Shortly after Pedro returned to Spain, he found out that his grandmother was dying. His mother and I have been supporting each other and praying for each other and our mothers ever since. Even though we don’t speak the same language we do serve the same God.

Pedro’s grandmother passed away 3 weeks ago. Since Pedro and his family are Catholic, I scheduled a mass to be said for his grandmother. I also had a mass said for my mother about two weeks ago. Then a few days ago at the nursing home, someone shared with me, someone who knew her well, how my mother’s countenance changed to a more peaceful state about two weeks ago. I firmly believe that God answered those prayers.

Cemetary burial of cremated remains. Mom’s final gift to me – freedom of the legacy of mental illness.

At that time, I was also praying that God would make it very clear to me when to return to see my mother—regardless of the outcome. The time I spent ministering to Pedro’s family throughout their mourning process was really God’s perfect preparation for my mother’s passing. It wasn’t just what I needed; it was what my mother needed to go in peace.

I’ve been spending time in Catholic mass the last few weeks, lighting candles and shedding tears. While my heart’s desire may have been to be with her one last time while she was alive, and specifically when she passed, it wasn’t meant to be. I could chose to be angry at God for that, but instead, I am grateful for the wonderful visits I had with my mom and grateful that I was able to just hop on the plane regardless and honor my mom this one last time. I praise God for this opportunity, for the strength that He has given me to get through these days and that my mother is now in heaven with Carmen, Pedro’s grandmother. They are both at peace.

Living Out My New Identity

Giving that eulogy in front of a room full of people I barely knew or didn’t know at all was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. But like answering the call and writing my manuscript, I knew I had to do it. It was an act of obedience.

It was a painful process to return home and integrate these new identity revelations into my life. I accepted the uniqueness that God gifted me with and started seeing the world through the new lens of healing and with hope for the future. Gone was the fear that I was mentally ill. Today I am still grounded in my identity and uniqueness and don’t shy away from expressing my sensitivity or my faith. This blog is one of the fundamental ways in which I maintain that voice.

While I’ve gotten used to being vulnerable in recovery circles and on my blog, it feels pretty risky to share my mother’s eulogy online. So, if you got this far in the post, I hope you’ll take a moment to ‘like’ this post or share any comments below. And if your relationship with your mother needs repairing, just remember that it is never too late for reconciliation and forgiveness. Just pray and partner with God. He will give you the strength and courage to do it. (Philippians 4:13).

6 Comments

by ardisanelson on February 12, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Spanish Connection

Posted by ardisanelson on February 12, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/02/12/a-tribute-to-mom-part-2-her-final-gift/

A Tribute to Mom, Part 1 – Answering the Call to Write

Today marks the second anniversary of my mother’s passing and with it come the bittersweet memories of the events that led to her death. My healing took a huge step forward the days immediately following her passing. The identity revelations and significance of that healing were painstakingly shared in my mother’s eulogy. (See Part 2 of this series to read more.)

While flying home later that day, the Lord nudged me to start writing about all of these miraculous things. And so my manuscript, “Walking My Mother Home”, published in Journeys to Mother Love, was born that day in my journal on the flight home from St. Louis.

My Mom, circa 1955

Fast forward one year later to January 2012. When my grief was still fresh, I wrote and submitted my manuscript to Cladach Publishing. As a new writer, I had many doubts about my ability to write that piece. Yet I knew when I submitted the manuscript that this story had to be told. I released the outcome of that submission, as I had the timing of my mother’s death the year before.

Confirmation of the Call

The day I received notice from Cladach Publishing that my story was accepted was like a kiss from heaven above and confirmation of the call to write. The timing was perfect, January 30^th—sandwiched between the anniversaries of both Rosa’s and my mother’s passings. It was a gift from God to be able to honor our mothers in this poignant way with the publishing of our story.

I never dreamed any of these things were possible. In fact, as I prepared for my mother’s passing, one of the main things I somewhat selfishly desired was for my life to get back to normal. Earlier this week while in a period of self-care and reflection, it all seemed to hit me, and I let the tears flow. The death of my mother brought nothing close to normalcy in my life. I was radically transformed from the inside out. My family and I have both had to adapt to these changes. Quite honestly, as glamorous as it may seem at times, it hasn’t been easy.

A New Normal

I have accepted that the writing, the speaking, the sharing of my story and my Spanish connection are part of my new normal. It was a gift that I was open to receiving when I released my mother’s life to the Lord two years ago. So I blindly answered the call to write in honor of my mother and in obedience to Him.

My Mom, a silver haired beauty.

I never take for granted that the Lord put all these steps in motion on my journey. He placed the desire to write on my heart many, many years ago. When the timing was right, He gave me a story that would touch the lives of others in similar situations. I have received many comments and feedback on how this story (and the book in general) has touched people’s lives. When the times are rough, that is what I remember most. It reminds me that God is using my pain for His glory.

Whether our stories are publically shared in print or privately amongst friends, our stories of faith are a gift from God. Be ready to share your story of healing, never forget, and watch God redeem it. You never know how He will use it or when.

3 Comments

by ardisanelson on February 8, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family

Tagged Christianity, Cladach Publishing, family, following your dreams, God, grieving our losses, healing, heaven, Journeys to Mother Love, My Spanish Connection, obedience, Rosa, saying goodbye, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on February 8, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/02/08/a-tribute-to-mom-part-1-answering-the-call-to-write/

A Friendship Born in Sorrow

My friendship with Rosa has been one of the greatest gifts that I received as I prepared for my mother’s passing two years ago. We will finally meet face to face this summer in Spain.

Journeys To Mother Love

Rosa

As mentioned in my story, “Walking My Mother Home,” during the time I was walking through healing in my relationship with my mother I developed a long-distance friendship with Rosa, who lives in Spain. Rosa’s mother, Carmen, passed away a few weeks before my mother. The connection with Rosa led me, a Protestant, to a Catholic Church to pray on bended knee and release my mother to the Lord. It was at this exact time that Carmen’s funeral was proceeding in Spain.

Rosa’s and my relationship was born out of sorrow, nurtured by prayer, and sealed in love. It was perfectly timed to help me heal the void and loss in my heart caused by never really knowing my mother as a person and not being able to have a relationship with her. Her death brought out a lot of feelings and the Lord has been faithful to heal…

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5 Comments

by ardisanelson on February 7, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, My Spanish Connection, Relationships & Family

Tagged Christianity, faithful, family, friendship, God, gratitude, healing, hope, My Spanish Connection, prayer, relationships, Rosa, Spain

Posted by ardisanelson on February 7, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/02/07/a-friendship-born-in-sorrow/

What Are Your Memory Stones?

As I age each year and the significance of life events seem to take on more meaning, I am gathering more and more memory stones for my journey.

What is a memory stone? It is a Biblical reference to a type of marker—usually tangible—that we keep as a remembrance of God’s activity in our life. One such Biblical reference is in Joshua 4:19-24, about a time in Israel’s history when God did a significant thing—he parted the Jordan River to allow the Israelites to cross into the Promised Land. The twelve stones that were left on the other side (one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel) were left as a memorial—or spiritual marker—for future generations.

January is of course a time when people often reflect on the milestones over the previous year, make resolutions and rededicate their lives to new areas for growth. For me, January also comes with bittersweet memories of several significant spiritual markers.

Collecting Memory Stones

I didn’t pay any attention to these spiritual markers until my life hit a dramatic wall in January 2004. That was when I was demoted from my job. I am grateful for that life changing event though, as that event led me out of denial and into recovery. Last night I celebrated that milestone by accepting a 9-year coin (memory stone) at a local Celebrate Recovery (Christian 12-step) meeting.

But that is not all I celebrated as January came to an end. I celebrated the one year anniversary of having my story, “Walking My Mother Home”, accepted by Cladach Publishing (exactly eight years to the day after my demotion). In January I also celebrated the anniversary of the receipt of Pedro’s first song and finding out he was a composer. I prayerfully remembered the passing of Rosa’s mother. I celebrated a significant trip to Wisconsin five years ago that led to identity revelations as I poured through the personal effects of my late Aunt Ardis.

New Stones to Treasure

My latest memory stone, a heart shaped stone, was received last week at the end of a 4-day spiritual retreat in California led by Tamara J. Buchan and based on her book, Identity Crisis: Reclaim the True You. I left there feeling energized and renewed in my purpose and more firmly grounded in my identity in Christ. (I had multiple revelations that in time may surface in my blog.)

Two of my significant memories stones.

As if to wrap all of these January memory stones together with a bow, this week I had yet another reminder of how special the last few years of my journey have been. During my dedicated weekly time of prayer at a Catholic Church, I wrote my thoughts on the last page of a beautiful leather bound journal. My first entry in that journal was in that same church after Rosa’s mother passed away. I have reserved it for my times with God. The journal in itself is a beautiful memory stone that I will always treasure.

The final words God gave me as I finished this book of prayers and meditations were these: “Your life used to revolve around the payroll calendar (in reference to my secular job and demotion). Now your life revolves around Me and the liturgical calendar.” It was music to my ears as the words flowed from my pen. For this I am grateful.

So you see, memory stones come in all shapes and sizes. What they have in common is the memory they hold to encourage you on your journey—to never forget what the Lord has done for you.

What kind of memory stones do you keep and what does it represent to you?

Expectant Hope, Part 2 – Spain Revealing

I’ve been longing to see Spain and meet Rosa, Pedro’s mother, for over two years. I’ve been filled with expectant hope for this trip of a lifetime. Last April, when a dear friend bought my mother’s wedding ring, securing the funds for my airfare to Spain, my dream became more real. Except for the general time frame of the trip, no concrete plans were set until now.

Making My Plans

On New Year’s Day, I started to research flights and monitor airfares. It has been an overwhelming process for me with lots of decisions. Over the past two and a half years I’ve become accustomed to living in two different time zones, nine hours apart, and communicating across the internet. The difficulty in planning my trip was also compounded by the language barrier. In the end, it became a family affair with Pedro and both of his parents assisting with my arrangements.

I AM GOING TO SPAIN THIS SUMMER! I have my tickets! The reality is finally starting to settle in. So today I am revealing my official countdown to the day Rosa and I meet—June 24^th—in 149 days. Coincidentally my plans became final on January 24^th, exactly five months to the day I will arrive in Spain. June 24^th is also the date that Pedro arrived on his return trip to Seattle two years ago. So the date feels anointed to me.

Counting down the days until I meet Rosa, Pedro’s mother, in Spain, this summer.

The Significance of This Trip

If you’ve been following my blog or read my story in Journeys to Mother Love you know why this trip is so significant to me. The stage was set for this trip when my mother died two years ago—just three short weeks after Rosa’s mother died. As we encouraged each other and prayed for each other during this painful time, our hearts were inexplicably bonded.

My writing started the day of my mother’s funeral. I know it won’t be complete until I meet Rosa face to face, hear her side of the story and how her faith and family got her through it. Rosa has been learning English to facilitate our communication. I’ve been working on the book in preparation for our meeting. It is our gift to each other and a way to honor our mothers.

Over the next few months, I’ll be sharing more about my plans. For now, I can reveal that this is not a typical trip. It is a pilgrimage for me with deep spiritual significance. I will be staying for 5 weeks with Pedro’s family and one week on my own to write. My time will be split between Madrid, in the center of Spain, and Mallorca, one of the Balearic Islands off the coast of Spain, where they have their summer home. It is a dream come true. I am blessed to be able to write about all of this. It is hard work, but it is also a labor of love.

Tears of Joy

Madrid forecast, June 24, 2013, 100% chance of rain showers, concentrated around the airport.

Pedro teases me that the forecast in Madrid on June 24^th will be unseasonably rainy. He is referring to my tears, and those of his mother, as we meet for the first time. I welcome those tears because they are a sign of my love for this family, my devotion to the Lord and the joy that has been restored in my soul. So bring on the rain! I’ll be armed with a box of tissue and an umbrella (just in case).

I am filled with expectant hope of the summer to come. I hope you’ll join me on the journey by following my blog, liking my Facebook page, or investing in my trip by purchasing Journeys to Mother Love through this site.

Viva España and praise the Lord!

3 Comments

by ardisanelson on January 26, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain, My Writing Journey, Relationships & Family

Tagged encouragement, faithful, family, following your dreams, friendship, God, hope, Journeys to Mother Love, My Spanish Connection, Pedro Gonzalez Arbona, plans, Rosa, Seattle, Spain, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on January 26, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/01/26/expectant-hope-part-2-spain-revealing/

Expectant Hope, Part 1 – California Dreamin’

The day started with expectant hope. I had less than two hours of sleep yet I awoke feeling refreshed. When my head hit the pillow a few hours before, I prayed that no matter how many hours of sleep I had that I would feel refreshed. Starting the day with answered prayer definitely put a spring in my step. I showered, dressed and finished packing for my trip. I arrived at my friend Linda’s house at 5 AM—a few minutes earlier than our appointed meeting time—more answered prayer.

Linda and I were heading to the San Francisco Bay area for a 4-day spiritual retreat, led by Tamara Buchan. The days leading up to the retreat, I was stressed trying to handle the ever growing list of tasks to do before I left. I couldn’t even get excited for the trip. But once we got situated on the plane, I finally felt free to turn my undivided attention to this quality time with my friend.

I poured through the travel guide on things to do for our one-day pre-retreat adventure in San Francisco. My one and only trip to San Francisco was over 20 years earlier and only a vague memory. As I read through all of the sightseeing options, I was overwhelmed with all the possibilities. We agreed on a few key sights—the cable cars, Fisherman’s Wharf, Ghirardelli Square, Lombard Street and a sightseeing cruise on the Bay.

Waiting in traffic for an hour and peering out over the Bay, I wondered about our photo opportunities with the haze that was looming in the distance. By the time our boat left the dock, the sky was clear and the sun was shining. As the boat approached the Golden Gate Bridge, the photo opportunities grew and grew. With one camera and two cell phones, we snapped away—capturing the bridge from different angles. It was a picture-perfect day on the Bay. We weren’t even bothered by not being able to hear a word that the guide said over the loud speakers. It was enough to just take in the beauty of the day and this place.

An unexpected pleasure, checking off a bucket list item in San Francisco.

“Check”, I thought as we departed the boat. I don’t have a physical bucket list (list of things to do before I die), but that would definitely be on it. I’m not sure why, but I have always wanted to have my picture taken with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background. It is iconic. I was there before, but with no photo to prove it, the experience and memory had faded. This was truly satisfying.

We ended the day with a leisurely late night dinner—sharing our hopes and dreams. I needed this day. I needed these reminders of the little things—basking in the beauty of God’s creation and man’s architectural wonders. I have expectant hope.

Each day can be a bucket list kind of day. It all depends on how we view it. Do you view each day as a gift from God or as a painful reminder of what-ifs and what might’ve been? I have expectant hope that He is going to use me in bigger ways this year. I am nervous about it all—yet excited about the possibilities.

My trip to California is an investment in my self-care and to prepare me for the next steps toward the dream that God has put on my heart. I’m stepping into more unknown territory with expectant hope. I’m ready to see where God leads me and what I can check off my bucket list next—whether it be just living another day or traveling to Spain this summer. I’m doing some California dreaming—and checking off an unexpected gift on my mental bucket list.

Have you done anything fun from your bucket list? What was the last thing you checked off?

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on January 23, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity

Tagged following your dreams, goals, God, hope, identity, Identity Crisis:Reclaim the True You, self-care, Tamara J Buchan

Posted by ardisanelson on January 23, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/01/23/expectant-hope-part-1-california-dreamin/

Goal Setting 101

As I worked on my 2013 goals, I had a sense that it is time for me to slow down. But how can I do that? I have a big year ahead of me. I am traveling to Spain this summer for an extended stay. I need to continue my memoir writing to be prepared for my visit. I need to study Spanish. I need to promote my book so I can earn money for the trip. I want to publically speak about how God turns our healing into hope. I want to continue blogging. While all of these things are good, I cannot do it all. I need to trust that God is going to point me in the direction of what is most important.

Realistic Goal Setting

On my first pass at writing down my goals, I came up with a very long list of tangible and measureable things to get done this year. I also came up with a list of areas in my life to improve on. Right off the bat, I can admit that I’m not going to blog once a week like I planned (witness my first post of 2013 is dated January 12), get the number of Facebook ‘likes’ I want or sell the books I need to cover my trip. (I’m not being pessimistic; I’m just realizing that I’m not going to push myself so much to make it happen.)

With the addition of my physical exhaustion over the last few weeks, I’ve been running around with a critical voice in my head. It’s been telling me I shouldn’t have pushed so hard to write for NaNoWriMo, I shouldn’t be blogging, and worst of all, I shouldn’t go to Spain. Ouch! Where did that come from? D-O-U-B-T! It creeps in so insidiously—especially when you are exhausted. And it’s a sign that I really do need to slow down and refocus on what God wants me to do.

In setting my goals for the year, I want to make sure that they align with His will for me. I expect to continue blogging; I know I will work on my memoir, and I will most definitely be traveling to Spain. But I am letting go of making measurable goals around them and trying to be hyper-vigilant about meeting them. I have to be realistic about what my mind and body will allow.

Renew and Restore

Last month when I started to realize how burned out I really was, a friend and mentor, Tamara J Buchan, reminded me that without a season of rest, we lose our effectiveness. That is exactly how it feels to me right now. I need time to renew and restore physically, emotionally and spiritually. In light of that I have made a positive decision to attend her “Reclaim the True You Identity Retreat” in a few weeks (based on her book). It will be the perfect opportunity for me to get in touch with God’s direction for my life and this year in particular.

Goal Collaboration

I’m still a work in progress and trying to find the right balance for my life. In the meantime, it helps me to be reminded of the following Proverbs (TNIV):

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. (Proverbs 16:3)
In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
Many are the plans in a human heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

When I collaborate with God to set my goals for the year, I know this next season will be fruitful and that He will direct my path. How about you? What goals are you collaborating with God on for 2013?

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on January 12, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Spiritual Growth

Tagged goals, God, healing, health, Identity Crisis:Reclaim the True You, letting go, My Spanish Connection, obedience, overwhelm, plans, self-care, spiritual journey, Tamara J Buchan, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on January 12, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/01/12/goal-setting-101/

Naughty or Nice in the New Year?

As the year comes to a close and I start to think about 2013, I have been pondering what I need to change in my life. The question that keeps coming to mind is have I been “naughty or nice” this past year.

I had a good Christmas with my immediate family and friends. 2012 was an amazing year which fast-tracked me into the publishing industry. There is no room for complaining. All of this points to being “nice”. (There are times I certainly don’t think I deserved it.)

However, my body is telling me otherwise. It is fatigued. It is sore. My mind is mush. I am emotionally and physically spent. I can’t seem to bounce back like I thought I would. I have been “naughty”—to my body—and it won’t cooperate with me. A quick review of the past year brings the whys glaringly into my face.

A Busy Year

In January, I took on the role of trainer on the launch team of my church’s Celebrate Recovery ministry. A few weeks later, my manuscript was accepted. I continued in my ministry role despite significant obstacles for much of the year. I also stepped down from my part-time responsibilities at my husband’s business.

I worked with the publisher to edit and market the book. I launched my website, created my own marketing materials for the book and held an Open House in the fall. In November, I devoted my time to NaNoWriMo and writing six chapters and over 30,000 words on my memoir. On top of all this, I dealt with the passing of my father, the start of menopause and the search for answers to my son’s academic struggles in school.

I Am Not Invincible

What I tend to forget, because I hide it so well, is that I also have chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), multiple chemical sensitivity (MCS) and fibromyalgia (FMS). I’ve had them for years and am pretty good at keeping it a bay, if I listen to my body and take precautions. (I went on medical leave from my job five years ago due to an environmental exposure and haven’t worked full-time since.)

With the physical drain comes mental fatigue and hence, my writing is also suffering. I don’t want this blog to become my random thoughts on my life. I want it to be a place of inspiration and transformation. But in order to model vulnerability, I also need to acknowledge this bump in the road.

What Now?

I haven’t lost sight of who is in control of my life or that I have free will in it. I know He is going to use this to help me refine my character and look to Him for answers on how He wants to use me.

2013 has so much potential for me with my trip to Spain and hopefully a side trip to speak in Paris. Those are things I never dreamed possible. For me to do them I need to re-evaluate my lifestyle, return to my spiritual and recovery disciplines and invest in some self-care. I know God will reveal to me what is most important and He will transform my heart to accept His will in all this. I am a grateful Believer and a recovering workaholic who struggles with pace of life. (I needed that reminder.)

What about you? Have you been naughty or nice this past year? Which will you choose in 2013? What are you going to do to change and move forward?

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on December 29, 2012 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, Spiritual Growth

Tagged Celebrate Recovery, faithful, God, gratitude, healing, health, hope, life's challenges, recovery, self-care, Spain, struggle, writing

Posted by ardisanelson on December 29, 2012

https://ardisanelson.com/2012/12/29/naughty-or-nice-in-the-new-year/

Imparting Christmas Traditions

“‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.” This first line of the famous poem “The Night Before Christmas” conjures up images of Christmases past when my sons were young and preparing for Santa Claus’ arrival was still part of our Christmas routine. One of my favorite traditions was putting out a dish of fresh baked cookies for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer. Right after that my husband or I would read to the boys from a pop-up picture book with that same name. It was a time of innocence and joyous expectation.

Christmas Eve 1999

My teenage sons are now well beyond those years and I’m finding it harder to cling to traditions that will last. Gone are the days of cookie exchanges and visits to Santa Claus. Sadly, the one last tradition of making annual ceramic ornaments was dropped this year too. I contributed a post about the role mothers play in imparting Christmas traditions on journeystomotherlove.com. Click the link to read Imparting Christmas Traditions on that blog.

If your children are beyond the years of Santa Claus or your home is an ‘empty nest’, you may be asking, “Where is the wonder of Christmas?” Don’t fret, because the WONDER of Christmas is still alive.

At Christmastime we are reminded that the wonder is God’s gift to us in the form of a baby in a manger. Christ was born on Christmas Day. It is the gift that is freely available to us each day of the year. As I long for some of the traditions and magic of Christmases past, I also delight in knowing that the message of Jesus birth on Christmas Day is the best tradition to impart in my family.

What kinds of Christmas traditions, past or present, do you impart with your children?

Making Me Bold

A Tribute to Mom, Part 3 – The Music & the Musician

A Tribute to Mom, Part 2 – Her Final Gift

A Tribute to Mom, Part 1 – Answering the Call to Write

A Friendship Born in Sorrow

What Are Your Memory Stones?

Expectant Hope, Part 2 – Spain Revealing

Expectant Hope, Part 1 – California Dreamin’

Goal Setting 101

Naughty or Nice in the New Year?

Imparting Christmas Traditions

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