I’ll be Home for Christmas

A few days before Christmas, while in the throes of the holiday rush, I dedicated some rare bedtime reading to a book given to me by my friend Debbie. The book was a short memoir by her sister, and best friend, Shelly, published posthumously. Debbie lost her sister to cancer on Christmas Day last year.

I’ve watched Debbie bravely live beyond her grief, especially over the past few months while serving together in ministry. It is in honor of Shelly’s memory and Debbie’s family grief that I am writing this post.

Shelly Lynn Bartholomew, circa 1983

The Cancer that Saved Me*

Shelly’s book, “The Cancer That Saved Me,” is a chronicle of her 19-month journey through cancer treatment, from diagnosis to her passing. I didn’t read it to learn about cancer treatment, although I did get a better understanding of the medical process, I read it to get a sense for what Debbie went through—as a way of identifying more with her grief.

I had also heard Debbie recount how Shelly was full of spirit and that her battle was having a profound effect on their family. Shelly’s ability to lean on God was giving back to the family and giving them the courage and strength to be there for Shelly.

A few pages into Shelly’s book, I didn’t think I was going to be able to read it. The Forward of the book gripped me. Below is an excerpt:

“I no longer ask, ‘why me?’ I now say ‘thank you.’ I no longer feel sorry for myself. I now feel ‘blessed’ for every day. Through God’s grace, I am alive, and although my body may be broken, it was my spirit that was broken before I got cancer. God has given me ‘time.’ I may have a little hiccup in my giddy up, but I amble along every day giving thanks for all my blessings. Ironically, I did not see them when I was healthy.”

One of the things that struck me is her statement about God giving her time. When I read that I think of how most people don’t know when or how we are going to leave this earth. Shelly was given a gift of time to prepare—to be aware of the gift of life—to turn to the Lord with her remaining time, and to develop an attitude of gratitude and worship. Yes, even in the face of death—or especially in the face of death.

Leaving a Legacy

Life isn’t fair. It doesn’t seem right for a 51 year-old woman who was full of life to be taken from her family so soon and in such short order. But through it all, God’s purposes did prevail. With Shelly’s passing and limited publishing of her story, she was able to leave a legacy greater than her love for animals and her family.

Shelly left a legacy of restoration in her heart, love for the Lord, and hope for the future. Her renewed commitment to God helped her to face each day. She knew she was not alone in her battle. That gave her great peace. I see that same legacy of God’s comfort and love in Debbie every time I see her because she proudly wears it and shares it as well.

We each have a date sometime in the future that the Lord will call us home to be with Him. We can live our lives for ourselves, or we can live them for God, leaving a legacy that is full of His Light, His Love and His Hope. Shelly did that, finishing well.

Sisters and best friends, Debbie and Shelly, in a Christmas play from their youth.

I’ll be Home for Christmas

We all long to be home for Christmas–to be with our earthly family and friends. But it doesn’t always work out that way due to distance, finances, broken relationships, and more. We also innately long for our heavenly home, where peace will reign. Revelation 21:4 tells us it will be a place of no more mourning, or crying or pain.

On Christmas Day 2012, God got a beautiful present when Shelly joined Him in heaven. Shelly got a gift too, as she was freed from the cancer that ravaged her body, and united with her heavenly Father.

On Christmas Day 2013, the family turned over the calendar of first-year milestones in their grief process. Just like anyone who loses a friend or family member at Christmas time, their holidays will be filled with sorrow and hope. Their grief will continue in invisible ways for years to come, dissipating over time. Shelly’s final legacy will see them through it—and us as well, if we are open to living a life dedicated to following God.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

*“The Cancer that Saved me”, by Shelly Lynn Bartholomew, is not available online. In lieu of payment for the book, donations are gladly accepted and forwarded to the Swedish Hospital Uncompensated Care Program/Oncology Department through her family. There is a nominal charge of $4.50 for shipping. You can request a copy or more information by contacting Debbie@gowise.org.

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on December 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Relationships & Family

Tagged cancer, Christmas, death, dying too soon, gifts, gratitude, grieving our losses, healing, hope, leaving a legacy, saying goodbye

Posted by ardisanelson on December 27, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/12/27/ill-be-home-for-christmas/

Treasuring Christmas in our Hearts

Thank you Lord for giving us the birth of your Son as a reminder of what You are capable of. May He give us His perspective so that we may treasure up all these things and ponder them in our hearts beyond this holiday season. (Luke 2:19)

Journeys To Mother Love

At this time of year as I try to set aside the holiday rush and connect with the real reason for the season, I find myself wondering what it was like to be a witness to what God was doing in the lives of Mary and Joseph. The Bible doesn’t say what their immediate families thought about Mary’s claims to be a virgin with child. The only glimpse of unbelief comes from Joseph when he considers divorcing Mary.

Looking at how Mary and Joseph kept their faith in the midst of such possible ridicule and shame helps me to see how God operates in our lives. Here are a few ways that God reminded Mary and Joseph what He was capable of:

An angel told Mary she would give birth—as a virgin.
Mary visited Elizabeth and received confirmation of what the angel told her.
Mary carried Jesus in her womb as a…

View original post 217 more words

Lights, Camera, Action, Part 1 ~ Making Music in Spain

Those three simple words, “lights, camera, action” are universally associated with filmmaking. Until last summer, my only role remotely associated with the theater was a bit part I was required to play in the annual musical back in junior high school.

For Pedro, the young Spanish man whose music career I help manage, those words have been part of his vocabulary and part of his dreams since he was very young. Now, at 20 years of age, he is living his dreams.

Pedro González Arbona, professional musician and composer (Madrid, July 2013)

Pedro’s First Short Film

When I headed to Madrid nearly six months ago, Pedro was up to his ears putting the finishing touches on the soundtrack for his first professional short film, Sed de Amor (Thirst for Love). The premiere was held two weeks after my arrival. Unfortunately, Pedro’s family and I were vacationing in southern Spain and couldn’t attend. (The soundtrack is at the bottom of this post.)

Sandwiched in between sightseeing excursions and writing, my time in Madrid was spent collaborating with Pedro on his music and promotional projects to prepare for the premiere and beyond. Together we launched his website (pgarbona.com), developed a site for his music sales, had publicity photo shoots, and worked on a Facebook marketing campaign to build interest in the film and his music.

Launching Pedro’s new website.

The Premiere

Since Pedro couldn’t attend the Thirst for Love premiere, the director, Chani Bas, asked him to create a video to introduce himself and explain his composing and music synchronization process for the film. “Take 1. Take 2. Take 3,” I said as we made light of the multiple takes he had to do to get a flawless video.

Then since I couldn’t attend the premiere, Pedro gave me my own private showing of Thirst for Love. Knowing the story, but not understanding the actors’ Spanish dialogue made it difficult to get the full movie viewer’s experience. That didn’t stop the tears from flowing at the end of the movie though. My tears were perfectly timed with the closing song “The Last Tear.” Pedro’s parents joined us for the final minutes of the film, making my joy, and my tears complete.

Celebrating the Thirst for Love premiere while on vacation in Seville.

More Music Collaboration

After our return from vacation, there was still much more music work to do. Chani had enlisted Pedro to score the soundtrack for his next short film, Always Together. Those songs filled the family home throughout my remaining days in Madrid as Pedro composed every free moment he got. We also worked on reviewing and cataloguing Pedro’s ever growing list of compositions—about 120 at the time.

On one of our last days in Madrid, I met Chani, Pedro’s director, face to face at a local Starbucks. It was a great opportunity to learn a bit more about the film industry, hear firsthand about the Thirst for Love premiere, and get to know each other. Chani was already preparing for the next film project as well. (Always Together premiered a few days ago.)

Chani Bas, Ardis A. Nelson and Pedro Gonzalez Arbona

First American Film Project

The biggest music news of the summer though was the contract Pedro negotiated with the KevStel Group, an American production company, for his first full-feature film, Tempting Fate. Days before we headed off to the island of Mallorca, international calls and email negotiations were flying through cyberspace. We were rushed to complete it because once we arrived on Mallorca, internet access was extremely limited.

On Mallorca we settled into vacation mode for the remaining 2 ½ weeks of my trip surrounded by Pedro’s family and friends. But one day while in siesta mode, I sat poolside and read the script of Tempting Fate. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I read through lines that had a spiritual message of unconditional love, betrayal, sacrifice, and redemption.

I believe it was not a coincidence that this production company or this script landed in Pedro’s lap. Like the prayer that moved mountains and connected Rosa and I, my prayers for Pedro’s music were again answered in heavenly ways.

Projected release date, July 2014

Two Years in the Making

At this season of my life, I am often in awe of all the perfectly timed coincidences that have fallen into place between my Spanish family and me: the timing of the passing of Rosa’s and my mothers, how my trip to Spain came to fruition and its timing, and now, most assuredly, the recognition of Pedro’s musical talent beyond our friends and families.

It was two years ago this week that Pedro’s CD of original compositions, Introducing Pedro González Arbona, first went online at CD Baby, iTunes and Amazon. What started on a whim and a nudge from God launched Pedro into a professional music and film career, and stepped him into his dreams. It’s hard to watch these music milestones from 5,300 miles across the globe, but I am very blessed to know that God has done more than I could ever have imagined (Ephesians 3:20).

~ To read about the exciting premiere of ‘Always Together’ recently held in Madrid, check out Part 2 of this series.. To experience his music for yourself, click any of the links below to hear an original composition from the ‘Thirst for Love’ soundtrack, ©2013 Pedro González Arbona, or check out Pedro’s video page of this site.

If this is your first time hearing about the music of Pedro González Arbona, check out his website at pgarbona.com, or “The Music” page on my site for more information about how his music was discovered. You can support his music career by liking his Facebook page, Pedro Gonzalez Arbona, Composer.

Updated 2/12/2015: The Tempting Fate soundtrack with Pedro’s music released today and is available on Amazon and iTunes. The movie will be released across Nigeria on July 17, 2015.

8 Comments

by ardisanelson on December 18, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain, Pedro's Musical Pursuits

Tagged Always Together, CD Baby, Chani Bas, following your dreams, God's timing, iTunes, KevStel Group, movie composing, music, My Spanish Connection, Pedro Gonzalez Arbona, piano compositions, siesta, Spain, Tempting Fate, Thirst for Love

Posted by ardisanelson on December 18, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/12/18/lights-camera-action-part-1-making-music-in-spain/

You Can’t go Home Again, or Can You?

Have you ever longed to go back to your childhood home—one that your family left many, many years ago? Did you dare drive around in the neighborhood or maybe even knock on the door in hopes of connecting with the new residents and maybe getting a chance to go inside? Or maybe your childhood memories were too painful to even think of doing such a thing.

This kind of chance of a lifetime recently presented itself to me—and like so many of these life coincidences; I took it as a sign from God to follow where He was leading me.

In the Neighborhood

It was on my 54^th birthday—also the day that my driver’s license was expiring. So a trip to the Department of Licensing became a high priority on this day—not something I really had time for or wanted to do. I made the best of it though, even deciding to wear a special outfit so my ‘mug’ shot might have a chance of being pleasantly memorable.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I took more than a mental note of where I was. My childhood home was around the corner. A few weeks earlier, I had pulled out my memoir, still unworked on since last year’s NaNoWriMo. I began the painful process of re-reading it, but stopped after the first chapter, the chapter about my mother’s nervous breakdown and living in this neighborhood. After that reading, I felt God nudge me to contact the one last neighbor who I knew still lived in the neighborhood. But I didn’t act on it.

Or can you?

Although this wasn’t the home or neighborhood I was born in, I knew God was giving me another nudge, on my birthday, to pursue this last link to my childhood. I’d been to this neighborhood before several times as an adult. It was one of the first places I visited when my husband and I moved to the state of Washington about 25 years ago. At that time I went so far as to meet the residents, the people who bought the home from my parents in 1966.

This day’s visit was to the neighbor’s house though. The name on the mailbox was still the surname of a childhood friend. Maybe, just maybe, I would get some more insight into the day my mother had her nervous breakdown and our life on that street.

I knocked on the door. There was no answer. I was torn. Should I leave a note under the door? I just couldn’t believe that God brought me to this doorstep without as much as an answer.

My Childhood Home

So I took the bold step of going next door to my former home. An elderly woman answered the door. I told her a bit about who I was, a writer, etc., and asked about the neighbor. I was surprised when she invited me into the home and even offered me a seat in the living room.

Hiding behind the 50-year old landscaping lies my childhood home.

It was surreal. I had just written a post about the events of JFK’s assassination on that day—my birthday—50 years ago. And here I was sitting in the same room where I watched the unfolding of those horrific events in our nation’s history. I shed a tear or two in the retelling of the significance of that home.

The couple was quite kind to me. They gave me free reign of the house, asked me things about the property, and what it was like back in those days. The house seemed much smaller to me than I remembered, but that isn’t unusual in light of the fact I was a mere 3-6 years old when we lived there.

Regarding the neighbor, I found out that he had sold the house and moved out a month ago. Too bad I didn’t follow that nudge back then, I thought to myself. But his dementia would’ve precluded his ability to help me anyway.

The street sign may have read ‘DEAD END’, but the events of the day proved otherwise.

What Lies Around the Corner?

It was all so unanticipated—to stop by the neighborhood, to knock on their door, and most assuredly to be invited inside. Their invitation and interest was a precious gift to me, one that I’m not sure they were really able to fully comprehend. Out of my gratitude for their kindness to me, I gave them a signed copy of my book.

Plan as we may, we never really know for sure what lies ahead in our lives from day to day. What if God is calling us to something just around the corner? Would you heed to His nudge? Would you blindly do something that to outsiders may look foolish or presumptuous?

Some may say I have a habit of doing those things. Others see it as obedience and trusting God when I embrace these chance encounters. I’m just grateful that He cares enough to give me these little kisses from above, and that others may be inspired to do the same—turning their healing into hope.

In the end, I really was able to go home again. And that really was the proverbial icing on the cake for my 54th birthday.

1 Comment

by ardisanelson on December 12, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery, My Writing Journey

Tagged 11-22-1963, birthday, childhood memories, gifts, God, God's timing, healing, hope, memoir writing, obedience, wounds of the past

Posted by ardisanelson on December 12, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/12/12/you-cant-go-home-again-or-can-you/

Not Just Another Wives’ Tale

The year was 1983. It was a very memorable year for me. I got married, my husband graduated from chiropractic college, we moved to his hometown back in Illinois, bought the family home, and started his chiropractic practice in the rural town of Sandwich, Illinois. It was an exciting and stressful time in our lives.

The Chiropractic Wife

While studying for the CPA exam, I was also working with my husband to build his practice. I was learning about chiropractic, how to navigate the ins and outs of insurance billing, and how to manage the front desk operations. Unfortunately I didn’t pass that exam, and I took it more than once. I gave up my dream of being a CPA and caught my husband’s dream. I became the typical chiropractic wife—devoted to chiropractic and to my husband’s business.

For the early years of our marriage we led a blissful life, working long hours to build the practice and traveling across country to chiropractic conferences. His second year out of chiropractic college, he decided to change from the more traditional manual (hands-on) adjusting technique to a more gentle technique called Activator Methods. From that point on he has devoted nearly all of his patient treatment to the Activator technique.

30 Years Later

We no longer live in Illinois, and I no longer work for my husband, but have done so at varying times of our marriage. We live in the suburbs of Seattle, Washington where my husband started another practice based on the Activator technique. He is an Advanced Proficiency rated doctor. Way back when my husband started using the Activator technique I knew that someday he would be up front teaching. Someday is here.

My husband, Dr. Curtis Nelson, teaching at the Phoenix Activator seminar.

I am so proud of my husband and the platform teaching role he now holds in his profession. (He has been an assistant teacher for many years.) His new teaching role started last spring. Last month, I got to travel with him to a conference for the first time in years. I wasn’t the typical chiropractic wife, but I knew it was time for me to step back into the role of wife to my husband, who just happens to be a chiropractor. The timing couldn’t have been more God anointed for me.

Weekend in Arizona

A chiropractic couple we’ve known for those 30 years recently moved to Seattle and is starting over with a practice here. The husband, Dr. Ed Shepherd, has been teaching at Activator conferences for years. So we joined the Shepherds for a weekend trip to Phoenix where the men taught and the women played. My friend Cheryl and I explored the Red Rock Country of Sedona one day and the Chihuly Exhibit at the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix the next. Breath-taking views abound. The heat reminded me of Spain, but the views were definitely the Southwest.

Cheryl and me on the way to Sedona.

On Saturday night, spouses were invited to join the teaching doctors for dinner with the co-founder and CEO of Activator Methods, Dr. Arlan Fuhr, and his wife, Judi. I was torn. I wanted to explore Sedona and have a leisurely dinner with Cheryl. Cheryl, who works with her husband, wanted to return to Phoenix and join the chiropractic dinner party. Sedona would have to wait until another trip.

When seated at the dinner table, I had the unexpected honor of sitting closest to Dr. Fuhr (aside from his wife). An introvert by nature and not up to date on the status of the chiropractic profession or advances in Activator, I felt a bit awkward. With a heart for Spain, I asked him about Activator in Europe, and specifically in Spain.

Dinner with the Fuhr’s and the other chiropractic instructors.

I was surprised to learn that the Fuhr’s were on their way to Madrid in just a few days. I was even more shocked and excited to hear he was teaching Activator to the first chiropractic graduates in an accredited program in Spain. Naturally I brought up my summer travels to Spain, and in time, how my story in Journeys to Mother Love is connected to Spain.

In God’s Timing

By the end of the weekend, Dr. Fuhr had an autographed copy of my book in his hands for him and Judi. It brought a tear to my eye to give away this copy of my book. I know it landed in good hands. I know it is an indirect expansion of my Spanish connection. I know it was not coincidence at this point in my life to have this encounter. It felt like a kiss from Above.

Dr. Fuhr and me, expanding my Spanish connection.

It took 30 years for my husband to step into his role as an Activator instructor. My role is no longer as a business partner in his practice. It is now as a spousal supporter of his professional career. I have my own career now in writing and indirectly in ministry to the people of Spain. The two intersected in a restaurant in Phoenix in a way that only God could’ve orchestrated.

It’s not just another old wives’ tale. God’s timing was once again, perfect.

Cathedral Rock, Sedona, AZ

Chihuly glass art exhibit at the Desert Botanical Gardens.

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on December 5, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, My Spanish Connection

Tagged Activator doctor of chiropractic, Activator Methods, encouragement, gifts, God, God's timing, gratitude, hope, Journeys to Mother Love, Sedona, trusting God

Posted by ardisanelson on December 5, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/12/05/not-just-another-wives-tale/

A Grief That Can’t be Spoken

“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken. There’s a pain goes on and on.” No truer words were spoken with the loss of a child. Or sung. (Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, Les Miserables).

Journeys To Mother Love

When my birthday rolled around this year on November 22, I was reminded again of the significance of that day in history. It was on my fourth birthday in 1963 that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, and I remember it well.

I hadn’t heard the word “assassinate” before that day. The sorrow that gripped my family also gripped the nation. I didn’t like it. I wanted it to go away. But every day the television was awash in news stories as the nation prepared to bury our president.

Four days in history. Four days in mourning. Four days that shook our nation and the world, now commemorated 50 years ago.

My birthday link to the Kennedys left me with a fascination for this public family. I collected books and commemorative magazines over the years. The grief of the nation and the grief of the Kennedy family didn’t end with…

View original post 374 more words

Practicing an Attitude of Gratitude

Is the glass half empty or half full? That rhetorical question is commonly asked to determine if you are an optimist or a pessimist. If you responded that the glass is half empty, some would say you are a pessimist. If you answered that the glass is half full, common opinion would indicate that you are an optimist.

Half empty or half full?

In either case, I bring this question up in light of the Thanksgiving holiday when Americans proclaim what they are thankful for—generally around a family feast.

You don’t need to reserve your gratitude for an annual date on the calendar. For those of us who live our lives around the 12-Steps and Recovery Principles, gratitude is a way of life. However, it is not something we generally felt when we entered recovery.

Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

Most people start recovery far from being grateful for the situation they find themselves in. They may walk through the door of their first meeting because they are desperate for answers to the circumstances they are experiencing in their lives. Or maybe they are at a bottom, like I was. Whatever the reason, gratefulness probably isn’t on the list of character traits that friends would say they have–or at least not near the top.

I was a pessimist for most of my adult life—until I entered into the recovery process. Now at times it is hard to keep me quiet about my gratitude for recovery (specifically Celebrate Recovery), and what the Lord has done in me and through me.

You don’t have to be in a recovery program to develop an attitude of gratitude. The change doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process that builds inside of us, as we consciously choose to change our thinking. (The lesson on gratitude is taught as part of Step 11—We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.)

Start small. Take baby steps. God will slowly give you glimpses into people, events, and things He has placed in your life that you can be grateful for.

The Benefits of Gratitude

Here are just some of the benefits of developing an attitude of gratitude (based on an acrostic for the word gratitude):

G-ets us out of our heads

R-eminds us of His gifts to us

A-djusts our attitude in a positive direction

T-ransforming power

I-ntegrates God’s love in our hearts

T-hankful despite our circumstances

U-tilizes our gifts for His Kingdom

D-raws others to us

E-ternal perspective

So it doesn’t matter if you identify yourself as a pessimist or an optimist, you can become a genuinely grateful person when you start to practice an attitude of gratitude.

Practicing What I Preach

In light of that, I’d like to say that I am thankful for the followers and readers of my blog, and for each purchase of my book. I am grateful to be able to share my writing and trust that God is using it to inspire others.

I am grateful for this season of my life—the highs and the lows. I am grateful for my family and my circle of friends who encourage and support me. They lift me up at times when I can’t. I am very grateful for my Spanish family and their generous hospitality to me. I am forever grateful to my heavenly Father, who got my attention eleven years ago, brought me to my knees, redeemed my pain, and blessed me in ways I never dreamed possible.

I hope and pray this Thanksgiving will be the first day of an ongoing commitment to develop an attitude of gratitude in your life. You can start now by posting what you are grateful for in the comments below. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

2 Comments

by ardisanelson on November 27, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Healing & Recovery, Spiritual Growth

Tagged 12 step, Celebrate Recovery, Christianity, feeling defeated, God, gratitude, healing, recovery, Thanksgiving

Posted by ardisanelson on November 27, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/11/27/practicing-an-attitude-of-gratitude/

JFK Assassination, One Girl’s Grief

You don’t have to be a history buff to know that Friday marks the 50^th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy (commonly referred to as JFK). The magazine stands at the grocery check-out counter are filled with commemorative editions of that painful time in American history. Television programs are airing with their historical accounts as well.

One of many magazines and books I’ve collected about JFK over the years, 1988.

50 Years Ago in Dallas

It was a day that changed America; maybe not much different than the events of 9-11 are for this generation. Kennedy’s assassination also marked the loss of a sense of safety and security in our lives. It was a time when Americans came face to face with evil in our country—the first signs of terrorism on our soil, so to speak.

The assassination of JFK sent shock and grief into our nation and the world. All eyes turned to America. In 1963, television news wasn’t the 24/7 force that it is today. It was in its infancy stages. In fact, the first televised presidential debates were held between John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon in 1960.

For four days in our nation’s history, November 22-25, 1963, people were glued to their television sets. We watched clips of the unfolding of the story: the President’s body flying back to Washington DC, people filing past his body lying in state at the U.S. Capitol, the horse-drawn carriage of the flag-draped coffin slowly proceeding to Arlington National cemetery.

JFK, Jr. models courage and honor at the tender young age of 3 years old.

In the midst of this sorrow, we also watched the assassination of Lee Harvey Oswald, the suspected assassin of JFK, by Jack Ruby on live television. Then there was the emblazoned image of little 3-year old John F. Kennedy, Jr., saluting the coffin as it passed by in front of him. It was definitely a grief that shook our nation.

50 Years Ago in Seattle

What if that day was also the much anticipated birthday of a bubbly 4-year old girl? Maybe the grief of the nation was also the grief that shook this young girl who desperately desired and wanted the attention and love of her own parents. Instead her wants and desires were overshadowed by the grief of our nation.

Kennedy’s body lies in state–a grief that shook the nation.

What if the disappointments that surfaced on that day for that little girl went on to fuel and magnify other losses, and the belief that she was unimportant and unloved? What if a few years later, that same little girl, watches as her mother is taken away after suffering a nervous breakdown?

What if she keeps longing for answers to what happened and why, but she doesn’t get resolution? These are sad things to think about, for sure. I know because that little girl was me.

Unanswered Questions?

I, like the rest of the world, will probably never know the real answer or motives behind what happened 50 years ago in Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963. Yet as my 54^th birthday quickly approaches, I’m getting answers to some questions that my 4-year old Ardis has been longing to know. It is a gift from above to finally get more clarity on my life and move forward with it.

Eternal flame and burial site of President and Mrs. Kennedy, Arlington Cemetery

So I look at the passing of another year’s reminder of the assassination of JFK through a different lens. It is through the lens of someone who carries 11-22 as a joyful marker of her birth, while also still processing the reminders of a painful childhood. I’m grateful that the Lord is giving me the ability to hold both of those realities in the palm of my hand and know that He is turning my healing into hope.

3 Comments

by ardisanelson on November 20, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Healing & Recovery

Tagged 11-22-1963, dealing with disappointment, God, gratitude, grieving our losses, healing, hope, JFK assassination, saying goodbye, struggle

Posted by ardisanelson on November 20, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/11/20/jfk-assassination-one-girls-grief/

The Reality of Culture Shock

I’ve heard it said that ignorance is bliss. After my summer in Spain, I’d have to say that ignorance is definitely not bliss.

With all the physical, mental, and spiritual preparation I did for my trip, I never once thought to research what it was like to live in a foreign country. I heard of culture shock, didn’t really know anything about it except for the general term, and didn’t think for a moment that it was something I needed to be aware of.

Beautiful monuments, statues, cathedrals, and architecture–constant visual reminders that I wasn’t in America. (Plaza Mayor, Madrid)

What is Culture Shock?

Merriam-Webster.com defines culture shock as “a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation.”

All the while I was in Spain; there were no outward signs of culture shock. I thought I was adjusting well to all of the changes in environment (except the heat). My host family repeatedly told me how well I fit in with the Spanish lifestyle. But inside there was something much deeper going on. I pushed the anxiety and the doubts about what I was going through aside. I took each day as a new day to experience Spain, and document everything I could in any free moment I could steal away to myself.

Acting like a stereo-typical tourist, while also fitting in with the Spanish lifestyle, Madrid

My Quest for Answers

After I returned home, I did some research on what it is like to physically live in a foreign country. I found out that culture shock is a real psychological phenomenon. I stumbled upon it while doing research for some of my earlier posts about Spain.

There is a lot on the internet about culture shock, and this is not intended to a be a lesson about it. I did find out though that there are four phases: honeymoon, negotiation, adjustment and mastery. Clearly I never made it to a point of mastery, but was definitely trying to quickly adapt through the other three phases. Another source listed them as stages: wonder, frustration, depression and acceptance. Just as surprising to me was finding out about reverse culture shock. All of this explains why I had a hard time re-entering my life in the U.S. and also explains the bouts of depression I experienced.

The psychological effects of culture shock.

In my quest for answers to what I had gone through, I started to follow blogs of other non-natives living in Spain. I found sites from ex-pats living in Spain, ESL teachers, pilgrims journeying on the Way of St. James, and the like. It was a relief to be able to observe their experiences, communicate with them, and most importantly to know that I was not alone in what I was going through.

I’ve also spoken with some missionary friends. One pointed me to an article on “trailing spouse syndrome”. I had never heard of that either, but reading that served as another relief for my emotionally weary soul.

Brave or Naïve?

Many people have told me that I was brave to go to Spain alone like that. Every time someone said that I thought, “but I won’t be alone.” I was going to live with people I already knew. Little did I know how this would affect me.

I think that since Pedro, our Spanish host son, so easily adapted to family life in America, and never said anything or showed any evidence of his own culture shock, I just took it for granted that my transition would be smooth as well. He fit in with us so easily; I think I forgot he was Spanish.

Being brave? No, it’s just a unique way of mailing a letter. (Toledo, Spain)

I am so grateful to my Spanish family for hosting me and opening up my eyes to life in their country. I miss Spain. I miss my Spanish family—all 26 of them. I know I’ll return someday and am already planting those seeds for a trip with my husband.

So was I brave or naïve in journeying to Spain for six weeks last summer? It was definitely brave! I have no regrets—only gratitude to my heavenly Father for the experience, the lessons, the love, and the hope He has given me for how He wants to use it for His glory.

Showing off my bravery by eating new foods–pulpo de gallego, a Spanish favorite (Octopus Galician style)

4 Comments

by ardisanelson on November 13, 2013 • Permalink

Posted in Faith & Hope, Identity, My Spanish Connection, My Trip to Spain

Tagged adapting to change, culture shock, educational exchange program, God, gratitude, hope, identity, letting go, living abroad, My Spanish Connection, Spain, struggle

Posted by ardisanelson on November 13, 2013

https://ardisanelson.com/2013/11/13/the-reality-of-culture-shock/

Living in the Shadow of Mental Illness

It’s no secret that my mother was mentally ill—not now anyway. I’ve written about it on my blog and was the basis for my published story in Journeys to Mother Love (Cladach Publishing). Chapter 8 in the Table of Contents reads: Distanced by Mental Illness, Walking my Mother Home, by Ardis A. Nelson. There it is; my lifelong struggle in black and white on the page for all to see.

Chapter 8 is my story.

I’ve heard from many people how they resonated with my story. It is usually in regards to how they are caring for a loved one at the end of life or it touches an accord with those whose parent has died. It gives them hope and encouragement for the journey no matter how recent or faraway the experience was.

Distancing Myself

My story isn’t just about how I re-established contact and cared for my mentally ill mother at the end of her life though. The bigger story is how I distanced myself from getting to know myself as well. At 53 years old, it is what I am still working through. It is the theme of the memoir that I hope to someday have published.

The Bible tells us in Matthew 10:38 that as followers of Christ we all have a cross to bear. My cross seems to be the legacy that I have of living in the shadows of a mother who had mental illness. Even though I had amazing healing when my mother died (as mentioned in my published story), I can still revert to my negative way of thinking and seeing things through the filter of mental illness in my family.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Many people live in the shadow of mental illness. They were raised in a family with a parent who was mentally ill. Or maybe they grew up hearing stories about crazy Aunt Sue or Uncle Joe. I know I did; and it wasn’t just about my mother, but others in the family as well.

When I was growing up there was a huge stigma attached to mental illness. There were barbaric practices perpetuated on mental patients—witness the movie, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” from 1975.

Jack Nicholson’s character receiving shock therapy, a barbaric practice, in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

I saw that movie in the theater when I was 15. The movie hit way to close to home as my mother was in and out of mental hospitals and had shock therapy when I was in elementary school. Watching that movie scared me and maybe even scarred me emotionally.

Last November when I started work on my memoir as part of National Novel Writing Month, NaNoWriMo, I watched that movie again for the first time in over 30 years. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be, but I think that was because I watched it more for historical reasons and for context in my memoir writing. In other words, I detached myself from my emotions. I thank God that wasn’t my fate.

Emotional Highs and Lows

At this stage of life with hormones raging out of control, it is hard at times to not let that dark cloud and fear of mental illness grab a hold of me. It seemed to hit me particularly hard after my time in Spain. It’s no wonder.

The movie is still playing, although at times it may feel like it’s over.

I’ve been on an emotional high the last few years as I stepped into the world of publishing as a first time author, launched Pedro’s professional music career, and prepared for my trip to Spain. It has often felt like a dream to me—or as I’ve openly expressed—like a movie with Pedro’s music as the soundtrack.

Three months after my return home, I’ve finally re-adjusted to life in America. As I slowed down and re-focused my attention on my own self-care, at times it felt like the credits scrolled by on the screen and the music stopped playing. Just like in the theater, all that was left was the mess on the floor to clean up—most notably a body that was exhausted and sometimes depressed.

Rejecting the Lie

I’m discovering some profound things about myself as I work through this next layer of healing. I know it is what God is requiring from me so that He can more fully use me for His bigger purpose. As I do, I am clinging to my identity in Christ and not some worn out lie or stigma.

Are you believing a lie from your past? Who will you believe—our heavenly Father who loves you, or the Evil One, the thief and father of all lies? What are you doing to flip the switch in your thinking?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10, NIV)

Making Me Bold

I’ll be Home for Christmas

Treasuring Christmas in our Hearts

Lights, Camera, Action, Part 1 ~ Making Music in Spain

You Can’t go Home Again, or Can You?

Not Just Another Wives’ Tale

A Grief That Can’t be Spoken

Practicing an Attitude of Gratitude

JFK Assassination, One Girl’s Grief

The Reality of Culture Shock

Living in the Shadow of Mental Illness

WELCOME to my site!

Follow Blog via Email

Recent Posts

Ardis A Nelson ~ Writer ~ Speaker

Most Popular Topics

What I Write About

Songs Composed by Pedro Gonzalez Arbona

Looking for something inspirational?

Copyright Notice

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

Spread the word:

WELCOME to my site!

Follow Blog via Email

Recent Posts

Most Popular Topics

What I Write About

Songs Composed by Pedro Gonzalez Arbona

Looking for something inspirational?

Copyright Notice